


Innocence Stolen, Love Found

by Phoenix94



Series: More Than That [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abused Magnus, Alternate Universe - Human, Cat/Human Hybrids, Confident Alec, Drama, Eventual Smut, Good Jonathan, Happy Ending, M/M, Mean Jace, Multi, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:30:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 54,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix94/pseuds/Phoenix94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus, a neko, had had every shred of innocence ripped away by his last owner. Alec is offering him something more than just being a means for amusement. Will anything good come of the offer?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alec

                                                             1

  _Buy a pet, Izzy said. You need company, Izzy said. You need to get over Jace, Izzy said,_ I think sarcastically, opening the door to the pound.

  Surrounded by the sad faces of the nekos and inus, I wonder why I chose _this_ place instead of a pet store. None of them look very healthy, and most of them look terrified.

  “Hello! Anything in particular you’re looking for?” a woman asks cheerily.

  The nametag on her vest reads ‘Michelle’.

  “My sister suggested I get a pet. I’ve never owned one before,” I explain.

  “Would you rather have a recent rescue or one who’s been here a while?” she asks.

  “How recent?”

  She leads me to a cage in the back. The neko looks horrible. He’s naked. He’s extremely skinny. And it looks like he was a punching bag for someone. He’s covered in cuts and bruises. His Siamese ears are flat; the left one is stitched. His human ears bear several silver piercings. His black hair is matted and greasy. Dried blood covers the caramel skin of his lean thighs. Gold-green cat eyes stare at us distrustfully.

  “What happened to him?” I ask.

  “His owner wasn’t a good person. He has other injuries as well,” Michelle informs me.

  “Could I get a better look?”

  His ears flatten against his skull in response. His tail fluffs a little in fear.

  “If he’ll let me,” Michelle replies, unlocking the cage.

  He backs away fearfully. He refuses to come out when she tries to lead him out. Every muscle in his skinny body is rigid with terror.

  “Magnus, come on!” she snaps, jerking the leash roughly.

  He almost falls down.

  “Don’t hurt him,” I beg, noticing the way he rubs his neck.

  He’s mewling pathetically.

  She drags him out by his collar.

  He won’t look at me. He doesn’t move at all. His bony hands are clasped behind his back. He’s staring at his bare, dirty feet.

  “Can you tell me anything about his last owner?” I ask, gently lifting his head.

  He flinches from me.

  “He was a sex pet. There’s evidence he was raped,” Michelle replies.

  “How old is he?”

  “He’s eighteen. Purebred too.”

  “Could I spend time alone with him?”

  He shakes his head slowly. His long tail curls up between his legs.

  “Yeah, of course,” Michelle says, leaving me with him.

  “Is your name really Magnus?” I ask.

  “Magnus Bane. My last owner was Ragnor Fell,” he replies quietly.

  “I'm Alexander, but everyone calls me Alec. How long have you been here?”

  “Two days.”

  “I’ve never had a pet before.”

  He nods quietly.

  I notice the fearful way he trembles when I pick up the leash.

  “I won’t drag you or anything. How do you like the idea of me adopting you?” I murmur.

  “I don’t really have a say,” he replies.

  He follows me placidly to Michelle.

  “You wanna adopt him?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I do,” I reply, turning to look at Magnus.

  He’s standing with his head down and his hands clasped behind his back. His tail’s twitching anxiously.

  _He probably thinks I’ll hurt him,_ I think.

  I accidentally shut his tail in the door. He refuses to come near me after that. If I try getting near him, he hisses at me and tries to scratch me.

  “Magnus, I said I was sorry. Now come on!” I tell him, jerking him harder than I intended.

  He whimpers from the pain in his neck. I feel like an even worse owner. I haven’t had him fifteen minutes and I’ve accidentally hurt him twice.

  Eyes watering, he slinks over to me. He’s shaking.

  “I wasn’t meaning to hurt you. I'm sorry,” I tell him.

  He follows me silently to a pet store.

  The things they sell in there are horrifying. There’s cages so small someone Magnus’s height would never fit. And cattle prods. And whips. Barbed collars. Spiked chastity devices.

  “Let’s see if they have any normal things,” I murmur to Magnus.

  He’s staring at a spiked chastity cage.

  “Did they use one on you?” I ask gently.

  He nods slowly.

  “I'm not sadistic. I wanna get you a new collar, instead of that heavy one.”

  He stares at the floor while I look at collars. He’s watching me from the corner of his eye, though.

  “Do you see any you like?” I ask, surprising him.

  “The choice isn’t mine. You own me. I have no right to tell you what to put on my body,” he mumbles.

  “You have a say with me.”

  His golden eyes glance at me worriedly before turning to the collars. He keeps looking at a blue one with rhinestones.

  “You can try it on if you want,” I tell him.

  It fits him well.

  He’s still almost silent when I get him home.

  “So this is your pet?” Izzy asks.

  Magnus backs away nervously.

  “He wasn’t treated very good so he’s really nervous,” I reply.

  “Am I—Can I—Bathroom?” he stammers.

  “Follow me,” I reply.

  He doesn’t shut the door. I doubt he’s ever had anything that’s really his. Or privacy.

  “Thank you, Master,” he murmurs.

  “You don’t have to thank me. Or ask for permission,” I reply.

  He nods again.

  “Do you want your collar off?” I ask.

  “Why? Forgive me. I'm sure you have a reason,” he murmurs quietly.

  “So it doesn’t irritate your throat. It’s okay to ask questions if I tell you something. How long did he own you?”

  “I was ten.”

  “So he abused you for eight years?”

  “Yeah. I was bad, so I deserved it.”

  He lets me undo the collar. His throat is raw from the other one rubbing his skin.

  “Would you like to take a shower?” I offer.

  He looks up in shock.

  “W-with hot water?” he asks.

  “Of course. He made you take cold showers?”

  “S-sometimes I fell down from shaking so hard. And then he did things to me.”

  “He raped you?”

  “That’s why he bought me. Master, is that why you’re being so nice? So I won’t scream as much? Or will you gag me?”

  He’s eyeing me fearfully. There’s more pain in his eyes than I ever expected to see. I'm not sure I wanna know everything he went through.

  “Magnus, I'm not gonna rape you. Ever,” I reply, disgusted.

  “Really?”

  The hope in his low voice is heartbreaking.

  “Really. When was the last time it happened?”

  “This morning. One of the volunteers.”

  I can tell he’s not really wanting to open up, so I leave it alone.

  Even though they’re too short, I lend him some of my old clothes. His gratitude is amazing.

  He’s like a shadow. He follows me everywhere, even to the bathroom.

  “Magnus, out. I want privacy,” I tell him.

  He slinks into the hall.

  _He probably thinks I’ll hurt him. Where’s he gonna sleep? If he sleeps in my room, he might think I want something from him. He might not wanna stay in a guest room,_ I think, opening the bathroom door.

  He’s sitting right in front of the door.

  “Magnus, where do you wanna sleep tonight?” I ask.

  “Aren’t I supposed to sleep with you?” he replies.

  “You don’t have to. You can explore if you want. Jace’s room, Izzy’s room, and my parents’ room are off limits.”

  He ambles off down the hall towards my room. And I head for the living room.

  “How’s he settling in?” Izzy asks.

  “He thinks I'm gonna rape him. Or give him cold showers. If I can get him past what Ragnor did, I wonder what he’s really like?” I reply.

  “He’ll probably adore you. He already likes you.”

  “He’s probably just afraid I’ll shut his tail in a door again. It was an accident.”

  Magnus comes back ten minutes later. He slinks towards me slowly, like he’s in trouble.

  “I accidentally went into one of the rooms you said not to,” he mumbles.

  “I forgot to point out which rooms they were. It’s not your fault,” I reply, watching as he bares his back to me.

  Scars and cuts mar his otherwise smooth-looking skin. His spine juts out.

  “Magnus, I'm not gonna beat you. Ever,” I tell him.

  His hand bumps his bad ear as he puts the shirt back on. He whimpers softly in pain and reaches up to cradle his ear. His eyes are watering.

  “Let me see. I won’t touch it. You didn’t make it bleed,” I tell him gently.

  He rests his head on my knee when I sit back down. His ears flatten when I start to pet him. And then I notice the tiny bald patches like he had his hair jerked out recently.

  “Is this okay?” I ask, reaching slowly towards his face.

  He shies away.

  “Master? Why were you gonna slap me?” he asks fearfully.

  “I wasn’t going to. I just wanted to touch you,” I reply.

  His stomach rumbles softly.

  “When’s the last time you ate?” I ask.

  “I don’t remember, Master,” he mumbles.

  “What would you like to eat?”

  “Real food? I usually dug through garbage.”

  “Whatever food you want. You ate garbage?”

  “I’ll eat whatever you give me, Master. I was really hungry.”

  “Do you wanna see what we have? Can you cook?”

  “Okay. No, Master, no one ever taught me.”

  “You can stop calling me ‘Master’.”

  His ears droop in response.

  “What am I supposed to call you?” he asks.

  “My name. Let’s get you fed, okay?” I reply.

  He nods slowly.

  “Did you decide where you wanna sleep?” I ask.

  Biting his lip, he shakes his head slowly.

  “Okay. You have plenty of time to decide,” I assure him.

  He relaxes a little at this.

  The rest of the night goes without incident. He’s chosen to sleep in my room. He snuggles against my back for warmth.

 I know it’s stupid, but I want Magnus to see what it’s like to actually be cared about instead of used as a sex toy. I want him to come out of his shell and feel safe with me.


	2. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, I've got up to the nineteenth chapter finished. Chapter twenty is in the works.

                                                          2

  Alec’s dressing when I wake up. I know I need to get up, but I ache all over.

  “You’re fine, Magnus. I’ll get you up later,” he assures me.

  He keeps surprising me with his kindness. I don’t know how long it will last, though. I don’t know how long I have until he beats me or rapes me.

  I don’t go back to sleep. I'm afraid to.

  The clock says eleven when he comes back to get me.

  “How’re you feeling?” he asks, sitting on the bed.

  “I'm okay,” I reply, staring at the sheets.

  “I'm gonna take you to the vet and get you clothes, okay?”

  “V-vet?”

  The only time my last master mentioned the vet was to threaten having me put down or snipped.

  “Just to make sure you’re healthy. Magnus, why’re you so freaked out?” he replies, holding out my collar.

  I don’t dare move as he fastens it. I don’t wanna be choked.

  “You aren’t gonna have me put down? Or snipped?” I ask.

  “No. Did Ragnor threaten to do that?” he replies, clipping my leash to the collar.

  I nod cautiously.

  He’s nothing but kind in the vet’s office. The last time I was in a vet’s office was because I was nearly dead from being tortured.

  “Magnus, did you go to school or anything?” he asks.

  “Fifth grade. They said it was up to our master to provide an education after that,” I reply, resting my chin on his knee.

  “The paperwork wants to—Why does your sexual orientation matter to them?”

  “I'm bi. We can get AIDS and STDS.”

  He blushes at my words. It’s cute.

  “When’s the last time you had blood work?” he asks.

  “I don’t really remember. It’s been a while,” I reply.

  “Okay.”

  He hands the clipboard back to the receptionist before coming back to me.

  “Do you need to stretch your legs?” he asks.

  I shake my head. I'm used to being in one position for a long time.

  “After we get done here, we’ll get you some clothes that actually fit,” he informs me.

  A vet tech comes to take us back to an exam room. I don’t really recognize the guy.

  “Magnus, strip for us and sit on the table. Mr. Lightwood, does he happen to bite?” the tech says.

  “Doesn’t he get a gown? Not that I know of,” Alec replies.

  _He didn’t seem bothered by it last night. Did I do something wrong? Do I disgust him?_ I wonder, chewing my lip worriedly.

  “Pets don’t get gowns. There’s a ring on the wall if you wanna tie him up so he doesn’t wander off. The vet will be in shortly,” the tech informs us shortly, leaving.

  “Did I do something wrong?” I whisper, gazing up at Alec.

  His bright blue eyes widen in surprise.

  “No. Of course not, Magnus. It’s normal for people to get gowns when they go to doctors, so I assumed you would get one too,” he replies.

  “I’ve only been in a doctor office once.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “I bit my last owner.”

  “What happened that made you do that?”

  I look down uncomfortably.

  “He had been even worse to me than usual, and I snapped and bit him. And then he tortured me really bad as punishment,” I mumble.

  I'm scared he’ll buy a muzzle. Or hurt me.

  He touches my forearm gently. I jerk fearfully at the contact. I hate being touched.

  “Magnus, I don’t blame you. I blame him. You were trying to defend yourself,” he murmurs gently.

  “Thank you for not being angry with me,” I tell him.

  “I wouldn’t be mad at you for something like that.”

  He moves his hand when the vet comes in. The man doesn’t look familiar either.

  “To start things off, how old is Magnus?” he asks.

  “Eighteen,” Alec replies.

  I flinch when the vet touches me.

  “Magnus, it’s okay. He’s not gonna hurt you,” Alec soothes gently.

  “Was Magnus abused?” the vet asks.

  “Badly, yes.”

  The vet’s not gentle with me. I don’t like it at all.

  Alec’s quick to apologize outside the office. I don’t understand why he cares so much. So what the vet hurt me and made me yowl? I’ve had worse.

  “Are all vets that bad?” he asks.

  “The last one was worse. I was tied in a corner and sprayed with cold water because I needed a bath. I was there ‘cause my last owner almost killed me,” I reply.

  “Like with a hose? What made them think that was a good idea?”

  “Yeah. They don’t think we have feelings.”

  “But you do.”

  I look up in surprise at his words.

  “Thank you. Most people aren’t as nice,” I mumble.

  “Where’d you grow up?” he asks, leading me inside a clothing store for pets.

  “At a breeder. I, um, I was a mistake. My mother was raped. The breeders blamed me for it. That’s why I was sold so young.”

  “That wasn’t your fault. Were they as horrible to you as your last owner?”

  “Not as bad. I was raised to be a sex pet, though.”

  “Meaning?”

  “I grew up learning how to pleasure people. And to let them use me whenever they wish.”

  “You were molested. All because someone raped your mom?”

  I nod.

  “I'm sorry, Magnus,” he tells me.

  My brow crinkles in confusion. Why’s he apologizing for what happened? It’s normal. Right?

  “Alec, h-how do you want me to dress?” I ask.

  “However you want,” he replies.

  Three hours later, we’re back at his home. He’s in a very good mood.

  “I have school tomorrow so you’ll be by yourself for a while,” he informs me, placing the bags of clothing in his room.

  “Okay. What should I do while you’re gone?” I ask.

  “Whatever you want.”

  I follow him back into the living room when we’re done putting away my clothes. A blond boy is lounging on the couch. I don’t know who he is.

  “Hey, Alec. That’s your pet? He looks like a stuffed animal that got chewed up by lawnmower,” he remarks.

  I pin my ears back in response. I already know I'm worthless.

  “Jace! Be nice!” Alec retorts.

  “I'm just being honest,” the blond replies, smirking.

  “No, you were being mean.”

  “Pets don’t have feelings.”

  “Yes, they do. Otherwise he wouldn’t have put his ears back when you insulted him.”

  Alec doesn’t look happy. I'm unsure if he plans on punishing me for it later or not. I hope he doesn’t. But, if he decides I deserve punishment, I know it’s true.


	3. Alec

                                                          3

  I can’t believe Jace is being so cruel to Magnus. And for no reason other than feeling Magnus is below him. And Magnus thinks he deserves it.

  “We’ll talk about this later,” I tell Jace angrily.

  Magnus looks up at me with fearful gold-green eyes.

  “Why’re you defending him?” Jace replies.

  “Because there was no reason for you to be cruel to him.”

  I lead Magnus to my room. There’s no way I'm leaving him alone with Jace for more than five minutes.

  “I'm sorry,” Magnus murmurs, staring at the floor.

  “Magnus, why’re you apologizing?” I ask.

  “Because I did something wrong to offend him. And you.”

  “No, you didn’t. Jace was being rude.”

  Magnus doesn’t look like he believes me.

  “Why’d you defend me?” he asks.

  “Because I care about you,” I reply.

  _Great. It sounds like I'm coming onto him. He isn’t really bad-looking, though, and he seems really—Seriously, Alec? You barely know each other and he barely knows you’re not gonna rape him and you’re thinking about dating him,_ I berate myself angrily.

  “Why? Usually, all people care about is using me. How anything makes me feel doesn’t matter,” he murmurs.

  “I didn’t buy you to have a toy. My sister thinks I'm lonely and need company. I'm not a rapist,” I explain.

  “So you bought me to have a friend?”

  His intelligent gold cat eyes watch me curiously.

  “Pretty much. And I felt sorry for you. You looked miserable.”

  “I'm glad you did.”

  “What would’ve happened if I hadn’t?”

  “I either would’ve been put down or adopted to another sadist or maybe sold to a brothel.”

  I don’t know which bothers me more: The matter-of-fact way he tells me this or that I know it’s true.

  “That makes me really glad I adopted you,” I tell him.

  “Are you gonna buy a muzzle?” he asks.

  “No. Ragnor had it coming to him. Did he muzzle you?”

  “The vet did.”

  He shows me the small scars by the corners of his mouth.

  “The metal cut me,” he explains.

  “That’s horrible. Did it hurt you anywhere else?” I reply.

  “My lips were raw from it. The straps cut me too.”

  “Wow. I won’t ever muzzle you.”

  He seems genuinely surprised by this.

  Tonight, he curls up against me on my bed while I watch TV. For someone who was so horribly abused, he’s very cuddly. I don’t know how much of it is from how he was trained or how much is because he wants to be close to me. Very gently, I stroke his slender tail.

  “You’re not gonna pull it, right?” he asks.

  “Never. I'm gonna call the school early tomorrow and see if you can come to classes with me; Jace and Izzy only have a half-day tomorrow,” I reply.

  He doesn’t say anything.

  “Can I pet you?” I ask.

  He shrugs one shoulder.

  “Magnus, yes or no. Shrugging isn’t an answer. Did I upset you?” I say.

  “You don’t have to ask me. I don’t like Jace,” he mumbles.

  “I'm not putting my hands anywhere on your body without permission. I know you don’t. I don’t trust him with you.”

  “I don’t really like being touched, but it’s okay if you do it. I’d rather put up with it than deal with rape.”

  Slowly, I run my hand down his prominent rib cage. He’s watching me with wide, fearful eyes.

  “I’ll stop,” I tell him.

  He jumps when someone knocks on the door.

  “It’s okay. Stay right here,” I say.

  It’s Jace. There’s a malicious glint in his amber eyes I don’t like.

  “Can I borrow your pet?” he asks.

  “No. Why do you want to? He has feelings, you know,” I reply.

  “Clary said she couldn’t come over.”

  “Out. You’re not touching him just because you can’t have Clary tonight.”

  I shut the door in his face and lock it.

  Magnus is watching me carefully when I sit on the bed.

  “I'm definitely not leaving him alone with you,” I murmur.

  “It’s okay if you wanna let him use me,” he replies.

  “You’re not a toy.”

  He’s shaking as he curls back up against me. His tail’s twitching against my calf.

  “Magnus, you’re okay,” I murmur gently.

  He doesn’t respond. Instead, he turn his head to see the TV better.

  “Can I go back to petting you?” I ask.

  He nods.

  “Magnus, what’re you thinking about?” I ask.

  “Why you’re being so nice. What you might want from me. Why he’s being so mean to me. Why you told him not to use me. How that guy on TV turned his hair pink,” he replies.

  “Because I'm not a mean person. I don’t want anything from you. Because Jace can be a jerk. You’re not a toy. He used dye or hair chalk. Do you wanna use it on yours?”

  “I can?”

  “Yep. I think Izzy has some if you wanna try it.”

  He looks really surprised and excited.

  He sleeps curled up against me tightly all night.

  The school refuses to let me take Magnus with me.

  I can tell Magnus isn’t looking forward to being by himself with Jace around. I just really hope Jace behaves himself.


	4. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a head's up that this chapter does contain rape, but it is non-graphic.

                                                          4

  I'm scared to leave Alec’s room. I don’t know when Jace will be home, and I'm afraid to find out.

  _Hmm. Alec said I could do whatever I wanted. I wonder what books he has,_ I think, wandering to his bookshelves.

  The only books he has that sound good are the _Harry Potter_ books. It’s nice being allowed to curl up on his bed and read.

  I’ve barely finished the first book when the front door slams downstairs. My heart hammers hard against my ribs in fear. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s only noon, so it must be Jace and Izzy home.

  Footsteps on the stairs send me scurrying to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me. I hide on the bottom shelf by the toilet. It’s a tight fit—I can’t sit up or straighten any limbs—but it isn’t nothing I haven’t been through before, plus I'm pretty well hidden.

  “Here, kitty,” Jace croons outside the bedroom door, slurring his words drunkenly.

  He somehow gets both doors open. I must’ve made some sort of noise because he finds me. Something in my wrists pops painfully when he drags me out.

  He beats the living crap outta me. I’ve bitten him twice already. And then he rapes me. By the time he’s done, I'm in too much pain to get up. I'm lying in a puddle of my own blood, urine, and a mix of his semen and mine. I hate him.

  Laughing, he kneels in front of me and starts to wipe more blood and semen on my face, mixing it with my tears. I don’t try biting again.

  I don’t know how long I’ve laid here when Alec comes home. He takes one look at me and swears under his breath.

  “Magnus, it’s okay. I'm gonna take you to a vet and then murder Jace,” he murmurs gently.

  I vomit when he tries to move me. The pain makes my vision gray out around the edges.

  “You can lean on me as much as you need to,” Alec murmurs, helping me downstairs.

  He pretty much has to carry me out to his car.

  Jace broke six of my ribs, dislocated both my wrists, broke a bone in my tail, tore me inside, and bruised and cut me really bad.

  “He’s gonna need a lot of care, but it isn’t as bad as I first thought. He’s very underweight, so I'm gonna send some high-calorie food home with you. I’ll get you some pain pills for him,” the vet tells Alec.

  I like her a lot more than the last vet.

  “Magnus, I'm not ever leaving you with him again,” Alec promises.

  I lift my head weakly to look at him. I'm glad he doesn’t want me left with Jace. I wanna be left with Jace less than I did yesterday.

  “We’re gonna put his wrists back in place and send him home,” the vet says, giving Alec two bottles of pills and several special drinks.

  Alec lets me lie in his bed when we get home.

  “Magnus, I'm so sorry he did that,” Alec tells me.

  “I bit him. Twice,” I confess.

  “Good. I'm gonna clean the bathroom up and then I’ll come back. Okay?”

  I don’t move from the ball I’ve curled myself into.

  “I'm sorry,” I tell Alec when he comes back.

  “It isn’t your fault,” he replies.

  I whimper softly when someone knocks on the door.

  “It’s me,” Izzy calls.

  Alec lets her in.

  “I just wanted to see how Magnus was doing,” she explains.

  “Jace is in for it when he gets home. He had no right putting his hands on Magnus,” Alec replies, sitting by my head.

  I nestle my head against his thigh.

  “No, he didn’t. Hey, Magnus, do you want me to do your hair tomorrow?” Izzy says.

  “O-okay,” I murmur, smiling shyly.

  “It might make him feel a little better,” Alec says.

  “Alec, can I get a drink?”

  “Yeah, of course. Water, milk, or pop?”

  “Milk sounds really good. I'm sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Izzy’s nice. I trust her with you.”

  “Thank you for telling him he needed company,” I tell her once Alec’s gone.

  “He doesn’t really have any friends at school. Our little brother died last year, and it broke our parents up. Plus, our dad had had an affair. Our dad disowned Alec for being gay. And our mom’s rarely around anymore,” Izzy replies.

  “Oh. I'm sorry. Alec’s been amazing to me.”

  “I can tell you like him.”

  Alec also has one of the drinks the vet gave us with him when he comes back.

  “Did you eat lunch?” he asks.

  “I was scared to go downstairs. I didn’t know when Jace would be home,” I reply.

  “I’ve got one of the shakes if you want it, and I’ll get you regular food too.”

  “I'm gonna leave you guys alone,” Izzy tells us,

  “You can read or watch TV if you want. I'm gonna start my homework,” Alec tells me, sitting by my head.

  Wincing, I struggle into a sitting position.

  “If you need something for pain, just say the word, okay?” he murmurs, opening a book.

  “Is that supposed to be Math?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Calculus. It’s a pain in the butt.”

  I like watching him study. And I'm trying to learn in the process.

  “Um, how are you gonna afford the vet bills?” I ask during a break.

  “I have some money. Are you afraid I’ll pimp you?” he replies.

  “A little.”

  I know how much trouble confessing my fear can get me in. But I want him to know.

  “I wouldn’t do that. Even if I was broke. You’re worth more than that,” he mumbles, opening a different book.

  “I'm worth nothing. The papers you signed at the pound are worth more than me,” I tell him unthinkingly.

  _He could beat me for that,_ I remind myself.

  “Not to me,” he informs me.

  To everyone else I’ve been either a dollar sign or a source of amusement or a way to relieve stress. It’s weird being treated otherwise.

  “They lied about me being purebred, by the way. The breeders put that on my papers to make more money,” I tell him.

  “That doesn’t matter,” he replies.

  He sounds a little annoyed, so I shut up. I really don’t wanna be hit.

  “When Jace gets home, Izzy is gonna come up here and stay with you while I straighten Jace out,” Alec tells me.

  I like Izzy. She seems really nice, so it isn’t scary thinking of her being in here


	5. Alec

  Magnus seems really relaxed when Izzy comes in. That makes me feel a lot better about leaving him in her care.

  Jace is pouring Dad’s leftover whiskey into a shot glass when I get downstairs.

  “Oh, hey. Thanks for letting me use the cat,” he tells me.

  “You raped him. If you hadn’t, Magnus would’ve been in one piece still,” I reply.

  “He loved it. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have came.”

  “You know better than that. He had no control over it. You have no self-control. You might as well be my brother, but you’re a monster.”

  “Really? He bit me, you know.”

  “He was trying to stop you. If you ever touch him again, I _will_ end you.”

  “You know how it gets when you’re horny.”

  “I don’t have sex with Clary when I'm extremely horny.”

  “You’re gay and she doesn’t belong to you.”

  “And you’re straight and Magnus doesn’t belong to you.”

  “Magnus is a _pet_ , Alec! His whole life is supposed to be devoted to pleasing people.”

  “Why do you think it makes me so mad you raped him? And beat him? I want him to have a better life than that, Jace!”

  “He still liked it. Ask him.”

  “He peed everywhere because he was terrified. I had to mop blood off the floor from what _you_ did.”

  “If you would’ve just lent him to me, I wouldn’t have had to do that.”

  “He’s not a toy. You’re going with me to the police station, and I'm pressing charges. I'm not letting you get by with it.”

  Jace hops up suddenly. The movement makes him stagger drunkenly.

  “How much have you had?” I ask.

  “Dunno,” he replies.

  “Maybe you need to quit.”

  He glares at me sullenly the entire drive to the police station. I don’t care if he’s mad at me. He raped Magnus, who I'm trying to give a better life to.

  The cops refuse to do anything about it. They don’t even call Mom about it. I know Jace can get in trouble because he attacked someone else’s hybrid. That’s the only way hybrid abuse even gets prosecuted.

  “Guess I get by with it after all,” Jace smirks arrogantly.

  If he was maybe a little bit sorry, I might not wanna tear him apart. But he’s not.

  “If you _ever_ make him cry again or hurt him in any way, there won’t be any police station. I’ll take care of you myself,” I threaten angrily in the car.

  I can’t take this to another precinct because it didn’t happen there.

  “I'm grounding you. I'm the oldest. Mom left me in charge. You’re not hanging out with your friends or playing video games. No computer, unless it’s for school, but I have to be right there while you’re doing research. No TV. No Netflix. You’re not even gonna get to see Clary. No phone. Three months. You have to learn a lesson somehow. Step outta line, you get another two weeks added on,” I inform him.

  He stares at me in shock.

  “Alec, you can’t do that,” he protests weakly.

  “You raped someone. You have to learn your lesson somehow,” I reply.

  Jace doesn’t say another word to me the rest of the drive. I'm almost glad.

  I confiscate Jace’s forbidden electronics and stow them in my room when I get home.

  Magnus is chatting amiably with Izzy, which is a relief. I notice he doesn’t really want her petting him. I don’t blame him. The last time someone other than me touched him was to hurt him. I notice Magnus seems happy to see me.

  “Do I need to help you bury Jace?” Izzy asks.

  “No, but you will if he hurts Magnus again. The cops didn’t do anything, so I grounded Jace,” I reply.

  “Are you gonna try taking Magnus to school?”

  “No. I'm gonna do my schooling online I think. That way I can keep him safe from Jace and maybe teach Magnus at the same time.”

  “What’re you teaching me?” Magnus asks nervously, his ears twitching back slightly.

  “What you would’ve learned past the fifth grade. Nothing sexual, okay? Can I pet you?”

  “I guess. Why do you like touching me?”

  “If you don’t, it’s okay. You feel soft. Didn’t you get pet before?”

  “No, they never touched me unless it was for sex.”

  “And Jace didn’t help. I understand if you don’t want me to pet you, especially after being raped.”

  “It’s okay if you pet me, I guess. You own me. I don’t have a say. Y-you won’t beat me, right? For someone using me without your permission?”

  “My permission doesn’t matter. All that matters is whether or not _you_ give permission. It’s your body and your decision. Same for me touching you.”

  “I didn’t want him to do it. I didn’t really want any of them to. I don’t really want touched right now.”

  “How old were you the first time you were raped?”

  “I was five. I bled _so_ much. It was disgusting. I kept screaming for them to stop. Eventually they gagged me so I’d shut up. I didn’t understand what was happening, just that they were hurting me.”

  He sniffs softly. He wipes his eyes tremblingly.

  “Magnus, is there anyway I can help?” I murmur.

  He curls up with his head against his knees. He goes from crying silently to harsh sobs. His sobs break my heart. More than anything, I wanna hold him until he’s okay.

  I don’t know how long he cries. It’s long enough he passes out from exhaustion afterwards.

  “How old was he when Ragnor bought him?” Izzy asks, watching me tuck a blanket around Magnus’ skinny body.

  “He was ten. He was raised for sex, though,” I reply.

  I leave Magnus a note before going downstairs for supper. I’ve locked the door behind me, including the new deadbolt I bought.


	6. Magnus

Alec’s gone when I wake up. I don’t like the fact I fell apart completely in front of him. One of the things I was taught was to never let my master see me cry. But crying like that made me feel better.

  Rubbing my eyes, I sit up slowly. It still hurts, but I’ve had much worse. There’s a scrap of paper next to me. It’s a note from Alec, explaining he’s eating but I can go to the kitchen if I feel like it.

  Instead, I opt for reading. I'm so into the book I don’t hear Alec come in.

  “Hey. I brought you more food,” he says gently.

  “Thank you. I'm sorry I broke down like that. Um, I can make up for it,” I reply.

  “You don’t have to thank me for feeding you. Magnus, it was probably a lot of things built up, wasn’t it? What made you so upset? You don’t have to make up for anything.”

  “This is the nicest anyone’s been to me. I-I never really had anyone care about me. Or touch me without wanting to use me. No one ever did any of the things you do. I decided you were right about having my innocence stolen. I never saw anyone, even people my own age, as possible friends. I just assumed they would rape me. Everyone else did.

  “I wanna know what normal’s like. What it’s like to be cared for. Or l-loved. I never had love. I wanna know what it’s like to be touched by someone I like and who likes me. I overstepped my boundaries so much. I'm sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. Magnus, you’re gonna have a normal life with me. If you wanna get a job and date, you can.”

  “Date?”

  “Dates are when you go out for dinner or just hang out with someone you either think you might like or do like. Or love. Sometimes, they lead to sex, but you don’t have to have it unless you both want it.”

  “What kind of job may I get?”

  I wanna show him I can be somewhat useful.

  “Anything but stripper or prostitute. You’re worth more than what’s in your pants,” he replies.

  “Can I work in a coffee shop? Ragnor used to take me to one sometimes; I liked the smell,” I murmur, gazing up hopefully.

  “Go ahead. Here’s your food. Will you be okay while I shower? The door’s locked.”

  “Yeah. A-Alec, are you dating someone?”

  “No.”

  “Oh. I thought maybe you could tell me what having someone was like.”

  “Was there ever anyone you wanted to date?”

  “Sorta but not really.”

  “By the way, you’re allowed to get release here. I know you had to wear a cage before. And I didn’t know if you were ever allowed to do that.”

  “Not unless they were videotaping me. R-Ragnor has a website with videos of what he did.”

  “Do you care if I watch them?”

  “No, it’s fine.”

  I go back to reading while he showers. I nibble at the sandwich he brought me as I read.

  Alec seems surprised to see I’ve finished both my sandwich and the protein drink.

  I never really paid attention to how Alec looks. He has gorgeous blue eyes. His black hair comes almost to his shoulders when it’s wet. Blue eyes and black hair are my personal favorite. He’s not quite as tall as my 6’4’’ frame, but he’s very toned. I can see the hint of a six-pack. Along with a wispy treasure trail leading into his pants.

  He taps my shoulder lightly. I jerk fearfully. I don’t know what I did wrong. I'm scared he’ll yell or hit me.

  “S-s-sorry! What?” I murmur, my ears flattening nervously.

  “I wanted to know if you would move to the foot of the bed while I watch those videos. I don’t wanna upset you. Were you checking me out or thinking? I didn’t mean to scare you. I'm sorry,” he replies.

  “Oh. Yeah, I was. The first one, I mean. I'm sorry.”

  I duck down fearfully. Before, if I’d admitted my attraction, I would’ve been groped or raped because everyone else viewed it as saying I wanted sex.

  “Don’t be sorry,” he tells me, touching my arm gently.

  I tense. I'm halfway expecting him to maneuver me into a sex position and take me.

  “You’re safe. I promise,” he murmurs.

  I crawl to the foot of the bed with the book.

  I don’t know how long it’s been when he tells me he’s done. Unable to help it, my eyes drift towards his crotch. I had assumed he would be turned on by Ragnor’s abuse, but he isn’t.

  “Magnus, I'm sorry he made you suffer like that,” he tells me.

  “Y-you didn’t think it was hot?” I ask.

  “No. I hated seeing him rape you.”

  Biting my lip, I look away. I really didn’t think he would care so much. Everyone else either found my pain amusing or hot.

  “Magnus, can I hold you? Does it bother you that I saw?” he asks.

  I snuggle against his chest. I'm cold, so it really feels good right now. I want to trust Alec not to hurt me.

  “A little, but you saw how bad I looked earlier. Is it okay if I sleep?” I reply, yawning.

  “You don’t have to ask,” he assures me.

  I can’t help purring when he moves me closer. I'm starting to hurt more now, but I know I can deal with it.

  Alec’s still sleeping when I wake up. He’s so cute asleep. He whimpers softly and turns his back to me. I can’t resist snuggling against him again. He jerks awake.

  “Good morning,” I murmur.

  “Feeling better?” he asks.

  “Not really. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “It’s fine. Your hands are like ice.”

  He doesn’t make me move.

  “D-do you have school today?” I ask.

  “Yeah. I'm taking you with me whether they like it or not,” he replies.

  He has to help me dress because my wrists are very sore. I dress in black skinny jeans and a purple t-shirt with a silver mesh one over it. Alec doesn’t seem to mind my style; I like it because of the bright colors.

  “You look good. I'm gonna get dressed and then we can go,” he tells me.

  I look away as he dresses.

  “I hate doing this,” he murmurs, fastening my collar loosely.

  “I don’t mind it,” I reply, smiling up at him.

  “There’s gonna be a lot of people. But most of them are harmless.”

  He goes to the principal right away for some reason.

  “I told you not to bring your pet,” the man says coldly.

  His voice sounds familiar but not in a good way. If I'm right about who it is, I need to get out of here as soon as possible. I can’t bring myself to look at the man because I'm scared I’ll be right.

  “I brought Magnus because he was sexually assaulted when I left him yesterday. I wanted to know if I could transfer to online schooling to prevent further incidents,” Alec explains.

  He’s fiddling with my leash nervously. It’s annoying.

  “He looks familiar,” the man says.

  “Oh? I adopted him from the pound. Can I transfer to the online program?” Alec replies.

  “Yeah. He looks exactly like the neko Ragnor had.”

  I press against Alec nervously. I'm sure I'm right now. I wish I was wrong.

  “Ragnor abused him horribly. Can I transfer?” Alec says.

  “Ragnor misses him.”

  “Ragnor can go screw himself for all I care. I just wanna know if I can transfer to the online schooling.”

  I finally look at the plaque on the man’s desk. It reads Sawyer Fell. Looking at him, one of my worst fears comes true: I'm face-to-face again with someone who hates me. He was as sadistic as his son.

  “Alec, please. Can I go?” I whisper.

  “Magnus, you’re okay,” Alec murmurs.

  “You can transfer. If I can have some fun with him,” Fell says.

  “No. Magnus isn’t a toy for me to barter with. I guess I’ll just drop out.”

  “I’ll do it,” I whisper in Alec’s ear.

  “No. Either I transfer _without_ you using Magnus or I drop out. Think about how that’ll look on your graduation rates; I know they’re already in the toilet.”

  Fell gives in. I'm thankful Alec didn’t allow Fell to use me.

  “Let’s get some food and then we’ll go home,” Alec says, leading me to a coffee shop.

  I can’t help whimpering softly at the smell.

  “You can have whatever you want. Are you okay?” he murmurs.

  “Thank you. I’ve never had coffee before. No,” I reply.

  “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  “H-he was as bad as Ragnor.”

  “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see him. I had no idea.”

  “It’s okay.”

  I get a large mocha latte with whipped cream, chocolate and mint syrups, and a cookie.

  “You’re gonna be so hyper,” Alec sighs, placing his regular-sized coffee on the table.

  “That doesn’t smell good,” I inform him, biting into my cookie.

  “You can taste it. It’s not bad.”

  I sip at his drink cautiously. It tastes awful! It’s not very sweet and it tastes like cinnamon.

  “It’s cappuccino,” he tells me.

  I sip mine almost fearfully. It’s amazing.

  “How’d you know what to order?” he asks.

  “I used to eat mint leaves at my breeder’s. And I stole chocolate from the kitchen once,” I reply.

  “Why did you steal the chocolate?”

  “I was hungry. And sometimes they gave it to me if I’d been really cooperative.”

  “Why the reaction with my drink?”

  “It’s not sweet, and I hate cinnamon.”

  He shakes his head.

  “Why do you hate cinnamon?” he asks.

  “I just do. It tastes nasty. And it sometimes makes me look like a squirrel,” I reply.

  “Hopefully no squirrel cheeks today.”

  “Thank you for the coffee.”

  “You’re welcome. We can take these to go if you want.”

  He’s quiet on the way home. His silences don’t bother me as much as Ragnor’s did. With Alec, I know he’s probably just in his own world. With Ragnor, he was planning some form of torture.

  “I'm gonna do my schoolwork. You can do whatever you want,” he tells me.

  I curl up on the couch with a book. I really don’t feel good still.

  “You can nap if you want,” he tells me when I yawn hugely.

  I shake my head.

  “Jace isn’t gonna be home for a while. You need to sleep; it’ll help you heal,” he tells me.

  I move to curl up on the sectional with him. I like being close to him.


	7. Alec

Magnus looks so peaceful sleeping curled up against my leg. I don’t understand how someone so tall can turn into such a tiny ball.

  He sleeps until Jace and Izzy come home. He plasters himself against my side the moment he hears Jace’s voice. He’s watching Jace fearfully. His ears are flattened, and his tail’s tapping nervously.

  “You’re okay. No one’s gonna hurt you,” I murmur.

  He hisses when Jace comes close.

  “What’s wrong with him?” Jace asks.

  “You don’t remember? You beat him and raped him and then I grounded you from everything but school,” I reply, wrapping an arm protectively around Magnus.

  “I started drinking sometime night before last, so, no, I don’t remember.”

  “You’re gonna end up killing yourself or someone else.”

  “So he hates me?”

  He reaches towards Magnus, who growls in response.

  “Jace, go sit down. Now,” I warn.

  Magnus hasn’t stopped growling. His ears are pinned flat against his skull, almost disappearing in his hair. His tail’s tapping out an irritated rhythm.

  “Will he let me make up with him?” Jace asks, backing away.

  “That’s for Magnus to decide. Let him calm down,” I reply, petting Magnus gently.

  He relaxes a little at my touch. He’s still watching every move Jace makes.

  “Magnus, do you wanna go in the kitchen while I cook? It’s my turn tonight; Jace and I rotate. Or maybe Izzy could dye your hair?” I murmur.

  “Can I help with supper?” he replies.

  “If you want.”

  He watches as I gather the ingredients for pizza.

  “Magnus, can you open the hamburger and put it on to cook?” I ask.

  “What’re we making?” he asks, dumping the hamburger and sausage links in a skillet.

  “Pizza. How much will you eat?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Have you had pizza before?”

  “Yeah. At Ragnor’s. He’d been starving me for a week, and he and his friends thought it’d be funny to make me dance for food. They threw pieces of pizza at me.”

  “Magnus, you’re not gonna go hungry here. And I'm never gonna make you earn it or pelt you with it.”

  I'm having trouble focusing on mixing the dough. I would love to get my hands on Ragnor Fell and make him pay for everything he did to Magnus.

  “What do you need me to do?” he asks almost eagerly.

  “You can cut up peppers and onion,” I reply.

  “C-can I sit down?”

  “You don’t have to ask. Do you want a pain pill?”

  “I’ve never had them before.”

  “I'm gonna go get them, okay? Stay right here.”

  Jace follows me to my room.

  “Did I really do that?” he asks.

  “Yes, you did. And then you and I got into it. You need to stop drinking, Jace, because, if you ever hurt him again, you won’t be having sex. Ever,” I reply, grabbing the bottle of pain pills.

  “I didn’t know it was that bad. The last thing I remember is asking to borrow him.”

  “It was. He already went through hell, Jace. What you did was just dragging him back to the gates.”

  “He hates me.”

  “No crap, Sherlock.”

  He follows me to the kitchen. Magnus has his head resting on the table. He looks miserable.

  “Hey. I'm gonna get you some milk, okay? What hurts?” I say.

  “Everything. My tail. Inside me. My wrists. My ribs,” he mumbles.

  “Do you wanna lay down?”

  He notices Jace for the first time when I move to get his drink. His ears go back, but that’s it.

  “I don’t know,” Magnus tells me.

  He’s watching Jace fearfully.

  “I’ll lock the door if you wanna lay down,” I murmur.

  “Okay. I'm sorry,” he replies, accepting the drink and medicine.

  “Don’t be. Do you need help standing?”

  He manages to make it by himself.

  “You can turn the TV on, watch a movie, whatever you want,” I tell him, setting his milk on the nightstand.

  Magnus picks at his food tonight, which isn’t like him.

  “Hey. What’s wrong?” I murmur.

  “I really don’t feel good. I'm sorry, Alec,” he replies.

  “Are you still hurting?”

  “Yeah. And I probably smell.”

  “I’ll put your food up. Do you want one of those drinks? You can take a bath after bit if you want.”

  “No. I feel sick.”

  Izzy’s washing dishes when I walk in the kitchen.

  “How’s Magnus?” she asks.

  “He’s in more pain today than he was,” I reply.

  “Did he eat at all?”

  “Barely.”

  Magnus is puking his guts up when I go in my room. He moans softly and rests his head on the toilet seat.

  “Hey. Let me get some water so you can rinse your mouth. Do you want some ginger ale? It might help your stomach,” I say, handing him a rag to wipe his face.

  “No,” he mumbles.

  “You wanna wait on your bath?”

  “I just wanna sleep.”

  “You can do that. I’ll get you some pajamas.”

  While he sleeps, I decide to do research on nekos. I don’t know much about them, and I wanna make sure I haven’t accidentally poisoned Magnus or something like that. Thankfully, he hasn’t been poisoned; it’s just from the pain like I originally thought.

  He looks so fragile tonight. It makes me wanna protect him even more.


	8. Magnus

  I feel better when I wake up. The pain isn’t as bad as it was yesterday, but it’s still there.

  “Good morning. Feeling better?” Alec murmurs behind me.

  “A little. I'm sorry about that,” I reply, stretching cautiously.

  “Don’t be. You were hurting. I’ve done the same thing with migraines.”

  I manage to get dressed without puking.

  “Thank you for protecting me yesterday,” I tell him.

  “Magnus, I'm not gonna let him hurt you ever again. I promise,” he replies fiercely.

  Jace is waiting for us in the hall. I give him my best glare and growl at him. I can sound very scary when I want to.

  “Can I talk to Magnus?” he asks.

  “Not alone,” Alec replies.

  “I'm sorry I hurt you.”

  “Hurting me is shutting my tail in a door or almost tearing my ear in half. What you did was worse than that. You dragged me out of my hiding place, beat the crap outta me, and then you raped me. You’re as bad as my last owner,” I growl.

  “So you don’t accept?”

  “No, I don’t. How would you have liked it if some guy did the same thing to you?”

  I'm three seconds from snapping. If I do that, Alec will probably hate me.

  “I’d feel like crap,” Jace tells me, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

  “Exactly.”

  “I said I was sorry.”

  “Sorry doesn’t fix everything. Sorry didn’t fix it when I was five and had my innocence stolen. Sorry didn’t fix it when I was seventeen and Ragnor tortured me for biting in self-defense. Sorry doesn’t fix it when you got drunk and decided that beating me and raping me, for no other reason than you were horny, was a good idea. Sorry changes nothing.”

  “Can’t you make him accept?”

  “He has every right not to. I'm not making him tell you he’s fine with it when he’s not,” Alec replies.

  Jace reminds me of a pouting kid. It ticks me off more. What right does he have to pout when I'm the one who got hurt?

  “Alec, I need to go,” I murmur.

  “So he yells at me, and now he’s gotta go?” Jace asks.

  “I'm leaving so I don’t do something that hurts Alec.”

  Alec’s quick to get me away from him. I'm shaking from anger.

  “I'm sorry,” I tell Alec in the kitchen.

  “Magnus, you were defending yourself,” he replies.

  I actually do feel kinda bad for the way I acted.

  I should have behaved better.

  “Still. I should’ve behaved better,” I murmur.

  “I'm glad you defended yourself,” Alec tells me.

  “I came close to hurting him.”

  I hate saying it out loud. It makes me no better of a person than Jace. Or Ragnor.

  “Why were you gonna hurt him?” Alec asks.

  “I wanted him to see how it feels to be totally powerless. I wanted him to feel the way I felt when he attacked me,” I mumble, putting my head in my hands.

  “Magnus, you weren’t gonna go that far, were you?”

  “What? Rape him? No! I meant I wanted to hit him.”

  “I’ve been powerless before. I saw both my parents die,” Jace says from the doorway.

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “Someone broke in our house. I hid in my closet like a coward. They murdered my parents and robbed us. The Lightwoods were my godparents so they got custody of me; my parents didn’t have any other relatives. I spent two weeks in foster care before the hearing took place, so I know what it’s like to have the living crap knocked out of you.”

  “I'm sorry. Really.”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  I still don’t like Jace. I don’t trust him at all. But I do pity him.

  “Is Sebastian still giving you and Clary problems?” Alec asks.

  “Clary left me for him. Who wouldn’t want me?” Jace replies.

  I point at myself.

  “Besides you,” he mumbles.

  “You asked,” I smirk.

  “Sounds like someone’s starting to get better,” Izzy remarks, bouncing into the kitchen.

  The tips of her black hair are dyed blue.

  “Want me to do yours after we get back from school?” she asks.

  “I-I can do it if you tell me what to do,” I offer shyly.

  “He doesn’t really like having his head messed with,” Alec explains.

  I'm grateful for his explanation.

  I mostly wander around while Alec studies. I haven’t been given any chores, and I don’t want to annoy him.

  “Magnus, do you want me to try teaching you after I get done?” he asks.

  I agree quietly. I don’t know how kind he’ll be teaching me. Everyone else hurt me if I messed up or didn’t understand what they were asking. I like Alec, but I also know how people teach nekos like me.


	9. Alec

Magnus looks really worried about being taught. After seeing the videos Ragnor made of him, I understand why.  
He’s extremely intelligent. It’s surprising in a way since pets are usually thought of as stupid.  
“Do you wanna stop? Jace and Izzy will be home soon,” I say.  
“Yeah. Thanks for being so patient,” he replies.  
“There was nothing to be patient about. You’re smart.”  
His ears prick up at the praise.  
“Why’s your last name different from the breed name?” I ask.  
“My last name’s the same as the last name of my breeder,” he replies.  
“They infused cat DNA in human embryos, right? That’s how nekos started?”  
“I think. I don’t know.”  
“What breed was on your paper?”  
“Siamese. That’s what my mom was. But I don’t have blue eyes; that’s how they knew I was a mix. They think my dad was probably either a tabby or a Burmese; they bred both of those.”  
His ears droop a little. I know he’s afraid I really do care about his breed, but I don’t.  
“I'm glad you didn’t have blue eyes,” I mumble.  
“Would you have been mean to me if I did?” he asks.  
“No! Magnus, why would I do that?”  
“Because something about me displeased you.”  
“You can’t control that.”  
“I'm glad you’re not like the rest of them.”  
He doesn’t growl at Jace today, but his ears still go back in warning.  
“Can I take him to dye his hair?” Izzy asks.  
“That’s up to him,” I reply.  
He stumbles in his hurry to follow her. I think it’s cute how excited he is.  
“Any luck with Clary?” I ask Jace, placing my laptop on the coffee table.  
“Nope. Maryse is supposed to be in tonight,” Jace replies.  
“Okay. How long’s it been this time?”  
“Three months.”  
Thanks to bills being automatically taken from my mother’s bank account, all we have to worry about is food. She usually sends a check once a month for our groceries.  
“She’s not gonna be happy about Magnus,” I mumble.  
My mother’s very anti-neko. She believes they’re an abomination and should all be euthanized.  
“She can get over it,” Izzy replies, leading Magnus in.  
His hair’s been gelled into glittery spikes. The tips are bright orange. His ears show up better. It looks like one of them got hair chalk on his Siamese ears.  
“I like it,” I tell him.  
“Thank you,” he replies, smiling.  
“Mom knows you need friends,” Izzy says.  
“Mom doesn’t like nekos.”  
“I can act like I was trained,” Magnus offers.  
I don’t want to do that to him. It goes against everything I’ve told him.  
“Magnus, I don’t want you to act like that. I'm gonna tell her I fell for you and had to adopt you,” I tell him.  
It isn’t far from the truth.  
“How am I supposed to act?” he asks.  
“Have you ever seen a couple in love?” I reply.  
“No. What am I supposed to do?”  
“I'm not gonna molest you. Or rape you.”  
Slowly, I touch his face. Ears flicking nervously, he stiffens, but he doesn’t move away.  
“Is that okay?” I ask.  
“Uh-huh. A-am I allowed to touch you?” he murmurs.  
“Of course. I wanna work this all out with you before she gets here. What are you okay with?”  
“Um, I guess anything. I know you’re not gonna hurt me.”  
“Kissing? Sitting on my lap?”  
“Both are okay. As long as you’re not jerking my ears or my tail, I'm cool with whatever.”  
We barely come up with the plan in time; Mom comes in ten minutes later. Magnus is quick to curl up against me. He’s tense.  
“Relax. Think about something nice,” I murmur, running a gentle hand down his back.  
He raises up to kiss my cheek.  
“If this was real, it’d be nice,” he murmurs.  
“It could be,” I reply.  
“What is that on the couch with you?” Mom asks, glaring at Magnus.  
Magnus crawls into my lap. He’s trembling.  
“His name’s Magnus. I adopted him from the pound,” I reply, rubbing his back slowly.  
“Why would you? They don’t deserve to live. Why would you bring one here when you know I hate them?” Mom retorts.  
“Because I fell for him at first sight. He’s human. He just has cat ears and a tail. You’re rarely here.”  
“How could you love an animal?”  
“He’s not an animal. I love him.”  
Magnus turns and kisses me. It catches me by surprise at first but I respond quickly. He’s a very good kisser.  
“You’re disgusting,” Mom tells me.  
“Am I doing poorly?” Magnus whispers worriedly.  
“Because I'm gay or because I love someone you think is beneath me?” I reply.  
“When did you decide you were gay? I thought you were just horny and desperate.”  
Magnus looks down. His ears are drooping pitifully.  
“I’ve always been gay. Don’t talk about him like that. I haven’t had sex with him, by the way,” I reply.  
“Like what?”  
“Like he has no feelings.”  
“Please. They’re animals in human skin.”  
“Stop insulting him. Would you have had the same problem if Clary was a neko?”  
“Like Jace would bring home one of those animals.”  
“You don’t know what I’ve done because you’re never here,” Jace retorts.  
“You have more sense than that.”  
“I raped someone.”  
“You did what?!”  
“I was drunk. I didn’t remember it afterwards.”  
“What made you think that was a good idea?!”  
“Clary dumped me. And I was horny.”  
“Who was it? Did you try to make it right? If you didn’t, I will make you fix things.”  
“It was Magnus. He, um, he likes me about as much as we like Izzy’s cooking.”  
“Oh. Well, that changes things. It probably didn’t hurt it.”  
“No, it doesn’t! Magnus was throwing up from being in so much pain. Stop calling him an it! He can hear you, you know,” I snap angrily.  
“If it’s bothered by this, why doesn’t it say anything?”  
Mom pinches Magnus’ bad ear. I jerk her hand away and move him from my lap.  
“Stop it! He’s trying to be good! Leave him alone! I don’t care if you accept it or not. I love Magnus,” I growl, standing in front of Magnus.  
The truth behind my words hits me like a brick wall. I'm in love with Magnus, with someone who’s beneath me by society’s standards.


	10. Magnus

The fact Alec cares so much about how his mother’s treating me surprises me. I know he was angry with Jace for hurting me, but I didn’t think he would defend me to his mother.  
“Magnus, go get your shoes,” he tells me quietly.  
I obey him hurriedly. I’m not sure where he plans on taking me, but I want to trust him that it’s somewhere good and that he’s not planning on abandoning me.  
He clips my leash to my collar. His hands are shaking.  
“I might not be back,” he tells them, leading me outside.  
“Um, where are we going?” I ask, falling into stride beside him.  
“Magnus, forget I adopted you for a minute. How do you feel about me? Not as your owner but as a person.”  
I’ve never been asked something like this before.  
“I like you. You’re good to me. And attractive,” I murmur.  
“Do you wanna go out with me?” he asks.  
“That sounds great!”  
“How does taking you to dinner sound?”  
He undoes my leash and takes my hand instead. I’ve never held hands with anyone before.  
“Okay. Thanks for defending me,” I reply, smiling shyly.  
“Magnus, you don’t have to thank me. I'm sorry I used you,” he tells me.  
“I’d rather have you do it than someone else.”  
No matter what I'm being used for, I know he would never do anything to hurt me. He’s not like everyone else.  
“Are you okay with renting a hotel room for the night?” he asks.  
“Oh. Um, we don’t—Alec?” I reply, biting my lip nervously.  
“To sleep. I'm not after that.”  
He takes me to Steak ‘n Shake. I’ve never really eaten at a restaurant before.  
“Relax. The food’s really good here,” he assures me, stroking my hand gently.  
“I’ve never ate at a restaurant. Usually, Ragnor brought me here to service him while he hung out with his friends,” I murmur.  
“You can eat whatever sounds good on the menu. I'm not gonna molest you or something.”  
“Can I get the mac and cheese burger?”  
“Sure. You can get fries and a shake too.”  
“I’ve never had a shake before.”  
“They have some that are half-and-half.”  
I flip to the back of the menu to the shakes. There’s a cookie butter one that sounds amazing.  
“Can I have this one?” I ask.  
“Sure. I’ve never tried it, but it sounds really good,” he replies.  
More people have started filing in. The noise bothers me a little.  
“You’re okay. I promise,” Alec murmurs.  
I touch his hand timidly.  
“Is there anything you like doing since I adopted you?” he asks.  
“I like reading your books. And watching TV with you,” I reply,  
“Christmas is a ways off yet, but do you want me to get you books? Or I could get you copies of shows you like.”  
“Why?”  
“People give presents on Christmas. Didn’t Ragnor’s family give presents?”  
“Um, I wasn’t allowed out of his room on days where their family would be around. I was kept tied up on his bed so he could have his way with me later.”  
“Hey. You’re gonna have a real Christmas, and I'm gonna make it special for you. Okay?”  
“What’s it like? Why does your mom hate me? Um, I don’t think I ever asked what you like doing.”  
“It’s really pretty. There’s lots of bright lights and bright colors. Sometimes it snows. And there’s hot chocolate and egg nog. And we give each other presents. And there’s a big dinner. There probably won’t be as big of one since Dad’s gone and Mom probably won’t bother showing up.  
“My parents used to be really close friends with a guy named Valentine. Valentine hated all hybrids. It didn’t matter if they were nekos or inus or what. They murdered several and burned down pet stores, pounds, and even some breeders’ homes. I understand if you hate me.”  
“Did you ever see it happen?”  
“Y-yeah. That was the first time I ever yelled at my parents. It was a child, Magnus. And they killed it.”  
He sounds genuinely upset by their actions.  
“And you probably think I'm scum now,” he mumbles.  
“Why’d you adopt me then? Are you planning on dissecting me later?” I ask.  
“Because I thought, if I could help one hybrid, it might make up for what my parents did. Magnus, if I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve already done it.”  
“Why did they do it?”  
“They thought hybrids were evil and beneath people. They didn’t think they deserved to live or had feelings.”  
“But you don’t. Why?”  
“Because I saw what my parents did. I saw how they tortured a child until he died. How the ground was soaked with blood. I heard the kid screaming and begging. And I decided I wasn’t gonna be like them. You probably hate me, don’t you?”  
“Is that why you got so mad over Jace and your mom? Alec, I don’t hate you. I just wanna understand.”  
“Yeah. I should’ve done more. Jace doesn’t know how bad things were. They had stopped before he came to live with us. Valentine’s in prison for cruelty to hybrids. I'm sorry you found out about it like this and that it happened in the first place.”  
I squeeze his hand gently.  
“It’s not your fault they did it. I'm glad you told me instead of letting me find out some other way,” I tell him, leaning in impulsively to kiss his lips.  
He kisses me back shyly.  
“Mommy, what are those men doing?” a small voice pipes behind me.  
“They’re kissing, Caleb,” the kid’s apparent mother replies patiently.  
“But one of them has cat ears. I wanna pet him!”  
Alec finds it amusing. I really don’t want some munchkin touching me.  
The sound of the pair getting out of the booth behind me makes me flatten my ears. My tail taps irritably.  
“Sorry to bother you. My son was wondering if he could pet your neko?” the woman asks.  
I glance at her son. He’s wiped his nose on his hands and has snot on his face. No way I want him touching me.  
I look to Alec hopefully.  
“That’s up to Magnus,” Alec replies, stroking my hand tenderly.  
“I, um, I don’t really like being touched. Sorry,” I murmur.  
The kid actually throws a temper tantrum. I know I shouldn’t, but I find it interesting that he gets by with it.  
The rest of dinner goes well. I really like Alec. I'm still afraid he’ll decide I'm not worth it.  
“Alec, where are we going?” I ask outside the restaurant.  
“How do you feel about getting some movies to watch tonight?” he replies, taking my hand lightly.  
“Okay. Um, thanks for not making me let the kid pet me.”  
“You don’t have to thank me. Do I suck at this?”  
“At what? Owning me? Dates?”  
“Dates. Do I suck at the first one?”  
“This is the first time I’ve been on a date. No.”  
“Are you having a decent time?”  
“I get to spend time with you, so, yeah.”  
He smiles at my words. I like it when he smiles.  
“Um, are you having an okay time?” I ask shyly.  
“I am. I get to be with someone I care about,” he replies.  
I can’t help blushing.  
“Just out of curiosity, do you dislike kids?” he asks, leading me inside the video rental place.  
“Not really. I haven’t ever been around them so I don’t know what to do with them besides look at them.”  
“You talk to them. Or read to them. Or play with them. They’re not really hard.”  
“Izzy told me about your brother.”  
“Max probably would’ve liked you.”  
“What happened? Sorry.”  
“He was kidnapped on his way home from school and murdered. It isn’t your fault.”  
“That really sucks. How old was he?”  
“Nine.”  
I can tell it really bothers Alec talking about it.  
“I wasn’t trying to upset you. I'm sorry,” I tell him.  
“Magnus, stop apologizing. It’s not your fault, alright?” Alec mumbles, staring at the sidewalk.  
I still feel really bad for hurting him. He’s the one person I really care about.  
“Can I make it up to you?” I ask, pointing to a bookstore.  
“There’s nothing for you to make up for. If you want to, we can go in there,” he replies.  
He lets me lead him inside the store. It smells like coffee.  
“You can get books while we’re here,” he informs me.  
I pad after him eagerly.  
“Alec, what do you like doing besides reading?” I ask quietly.  
“Cooking. Being with you. Hanging out with Jace and Izzy. Playing soccer. I loved doing kendo when I was younger, but I haven’t done it in years.”  
“Why do you like being with me? I’ve never done any of those.”  
“Because you’re a good person, even with everything you’ve been through. You’re actually really adorable. I’d like to get to know you more if you’ll let me. Anything you wanna learn, I’ll teach you. Except for art. I can’t draw to save my life.”  
The confession makes him blush adorably. I knew he liked me from him taking me on a date, but I didn’t know he liked me a lot.  
“You think I'm adorable? Getting to know you more sounds good to me. Can you teach me all of it?” I reply.  
“Magnus, I wouldn’t tell you I did if I didn’t. One thing at a time,” he tells me.  
He seems amused by the way I stare at the books. I’ve never seen so many books in one place.  
“Um, how long are we gonna be at the hotel room?” I ask.  
“Until she leaves,” he replies.  
He’s bought me several books, including a boy’s love series. I’ve never read those before, but they sound really good.  
“I’ll pay you back for the books when I start working,” I tell him outside the store.  
“Don’t worry about it. They’re my first present for you,” he replies.  
He looks really happy about being with me for some reason. I hope he knows how happy I am to be with him.


	11. Alec

Magnus doesn’t say anything when we go in the grocery store.

  “It’s the last stop before we get a hotel. I promise. We’re gonna need food in case she stays a while,” I explain.

  He nods quietly. He looks really tense for some reason.

  An employee stomps up to us, scowling. He’s holding a riding crop.

  “ _That_ needs to be on a leash and clipped to the cart. Now,” he tells me, glaring at Magnus.

  “Um, it’s normal for all grocery stores to do this,” Magnus mumbles uncomfortably.

  “Do you want me to take you to a hotel? Or do you wanna stay here?”

  “With you.”

  Sighing, I do as the employee asked. I hate tying Magnus up like this.

  “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I ask.

  “Yeah. It never ended well,” Magnus replies.

  He looks distressed. I don’t like seeing him upset, especially over something like this.

  “Hey. If you want me to take you to a hotel, I will, okay? I love you, and I want you to be happy,” I tell him quietly.

  The look on his face when I tell him I love him is priceless. I’ve never seen someone so happy. Along with the joy, there’s also gratitude.

  “I'm happy with you. I'm learning to love you,” he replies softly.

  His answer doesn’t surprise me much or hurt my feelings, considering his past. I'm glad he was honest with me instead of telling me he loves me if he doesn’t.

  “Ready?” I ask, placing my hand gently over his.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be,” he replies.

  I can tell he’s not really enjoying the shopping trip. I wanna get him something to make up for it. He’s definitely bored out of his skull, no matter what I do.

  I jerk when I hear someone talking about a pretty neko. It startles me so much I almost drop the tuna packets I’m holding. The last thing I need or want is someone hurting Magnus.

  “Excuse me. Is that neko yours?” a male voice asks behind me.

  “Yeah, he is. Why?” I reply, turning to face him.

  The guy doesn’t look familiar in the least.

  “He’s gorgeous. And he looks so happy,” he explains, smiling warmly.

  “He’s my baby. I wanna make sure he’s as happy as possible,” I tell him.

  Magnus doesn’t look particularly happy. I don’t know if he’s jealous or if he knows the guy and was hurt by him.

  “Anyway, I’ll let you go back to shopping,” the guy says, walking off.

  Magnus relaxes a little when the guy leaves.

  “Did you know him? How much tuna will you eat?” I ask.

  “Not really. He sounds vaguely familiar, but that’s it. I think maybe he was at the pound once. I don’t know,” he replies.

  “Good. I was afraid he might’ve been one of Ragnor’s friends. You didn’t look happy.”

  “He touched me. Like everyone else did.”

  “Ohh. I'm sorry.”

  “I told him you were my owner and that you don’t like people touching me without your say-so.”

  “I’m glad you defended yourself.”

 He seems genuinely relieved when we get out of the store. I hate that he was bored and that someone groped him. It also opened my eyes more to how regular people see nekos. I bought enough to feed us for three weeks.

  I pay for a taxi to take us to the Holiday Inn where we get a one-bedroom suite. Magnus looks like he’s about to sleep on his feet. I understand him being tired; he’s still healing inside from Jace’s attack and he was on his feet more today than he’s been since I adopted him.

  “Baby, go lay down. I’ll be in there in a minute,” I tell him, setting the groceries on the kitchen counter.

  “I’ll be fine. Did you just call me ‘baby’?” he replies, coming to help me.

  “You’re still injured. I did, didn’t I? You don’t like it?”

  “It’s fine. No one ever called me that unless I was crying.”

  He doesn’t lay down until I'm done putting groceries up. And then he lays on the couch. He scoots so he can rest his head in my lap.

  “Wouldn’t the bed be more comfortable?” I suggest, rubbing his back gently.

  “I guess,” he mumbles sleepily.

  “We can watch a movie in there if you want. I was gonna get you something to make up for the grocery store.”

  “Whatever you want. You’re the boss.”

  He’s starting to slur his words.

  “Magnus, come on. I don’t know if the couch makes into a bed, and we’ll both be sore if it doesn’t,” I tell him.

  No response other than a soft snore. I can’t believe he’s already asleep, but he’s never faked it before. Or offered any resistance to my requests, other than asking why I wanted to take his collar off.

  “Honestly,” I mumble, jiggling him gently.

  He finally blinks up at me tiredly.

  “I'm gonna see if the couch lays out, sleepyhead. Get up,” I tell him.

  He stumbles to his feet.

  “Thank you,” I say, scooting the coffee table over.

  The couch makes into a bed. Which Magnus promptly flops onto.

  “I’ll be right back, okay?” I say.

  He curls up against me the minute I lay down. He’s incredibly warm for such a skinny person.

  “I didn’t wanna sleep without you,” he mumbles.

  “I know. I'm right here. I love you,” I whisper, pressing him closer.

  Magnus is sprawled on top of me when I wake up. He honestly can’t get much cuter than this. Or warmer. If I was hot last night with him beside me, I'm roasting now with him on top of me. He jerks awake when my phone rings.

  “You’re okay. It’s just Izzy,” I soothe.

  He still looks really tired.

  “If you wanna lay back down, you can. She wants to know if you want any clothes brought over,” I tell him.

  “Um, my leggings or skinny jeans. And my shirts. I don’t care which shirts as long as they sorta match,” he replies.

  “Okay. You know you slept in your clothes, right?”

  “I'm sorry. I-I can take them off.”

  His hands are shaking as he hurriedly undresses. He's watching me with fearful eyes.

  _Great. I just wanted him to be comfortable. And he thinks he’s in trouble,_ I think angrily, taking his hand gently.

  “I didn’t know if you were too hot. That’s why I was asking,” I explain gently.

  I notice when he nods I forgot to take his collar off last night. I’ve never made him sleep in it or wear it once we’re at home. It makes me feel terrible, especially when I see where he’s bled from it reopening his old injuries.

  “I'm sorry. I can’t believe I forgot,” I tell him, undoing it carefully.

  He winces in pain when I peel it off the raw skin.

  “Are you okay? Are you mad at me? In pain?” I ask worriedly.

  He’s being much quieter than usual.

  “Nightmare. I really just want you to hold me,” he admits quietly.

  “I can do that,” I reply.

  He rests his head on my chest the moment I lay down. I can feel him trembling.

  “Anything I can do to make you feel better?” I offer.

  “Can you tell me a story? Or read to me? I'm probably being a needy brat. I'm sorry,” he murmurs.

  “You’re not needy. Or a brat. Do you wanna hear how we got our cat?”

  “You have a cat?”

  “Had. He ran away.”

  “Oh. I’d like to hear it.”

  He snuggles closer, one hand coming to rest over my heart. He’s so loveable.

  “It was right after Jace moved in. It was pouring down rain. I had the chickenpox so Mom was letting me stay home from school. She and Dad had just lucked out of not going to prison with Valentine, and she was trying to buy my forgiveness over the whole thing. Not that it really worked.

  “I was dozing off when Izzy came in. She was drenched. And there was a little bulge in one pocket of her raincoat. I thought it was candy or cookies or something. And then a little gray head poked out. The poor kitten was just as soaked as Izzy. She made me swear not to tell Mom about the cat. I have no idea how she planned on hiding him. Or feeding him. But I kept my promise.

  “It was three days before Izzy’s eleventh birthday when Mom finally found out about the kitten. Izzy had kept the little guy hid for almost a month. Izzy came downstairs, carrying the little blue-gray puffball, and asked Mom if she could keep him. She’d put a little blue bow on his head and everything. And Mom said yes. We named him Church, and we had him almost six years. Izzy turned him into a garbage disposal with fur. I think that might’ve been why he ran off,” I murmur, rubbing his back in slow circles.

  He’s smiling in his sleep. He looks so peaceful and relaxed. He can’t get any cuter. I can’t get any luckier.

  He’s only been sleeping a half-hour when Izzy gets here. Somehow, I manage to worm out from under him without waking him up so I can let Izzy in,

  “Magnus is still sleeping,” I whisper, placing the bags inside the hotel room as she hands them to me.

  “Aww! How was the date?” she grins.

  “Good. I'm hoping we can go out again. Which duffel is whose? How long’s she gonna be here?”

  “The pink one is for Magnus. There’s some surprises in there for him too. We have no idea. She and I have already gotten into it.”

  “Over? You didn’t try to make breakfast, did you?”

  “You and Magnus. And the crap with Valentine. Um, the gist of it is you guys can’t come home while she’s there.”

  “I wasn’t trying to make things worse on you guys.”

 “I know. And you didn’t. If you need me to watch Magnus for you, just say the word. I can take him shopping or something.”

  “I will. Don’t be late for school.”

  “I won’t.”

  She hugs me tight before leaving. Out of everything from home I’ll miss, I’ll miss her the most.

  Sighing, I rake a hand through my black hair as I go to make breakfast. I'm not really sure how we’re gonna do this. I want everything to work out, but I don’t know if it will.


	12. Magnus

I wake to the smell of bacon. And the sight of a very upset Alec. He drops his gaze when he sees me watching him.

  _Is he mad at me? I didn’t mean to have nightmares,_ I wonder, ambling over to him.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, touching his shoulder gently.

  “We can’t go back home until Mom leaves. Izzy doesn’t know when she’ll leave. So we might have to get an apartment, which I have no money for. If I get a job, you’ll either have to go with me or stay by yourself. Plus, there’s teaching you and finishing high school,” he tells me tensely.

  “I'm sorry.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle against him. I just want him to feel better.

  “It’s not your fault my mom’s prejudiced. We might have to hold off on our next date for a while,” he replies.

  “It’s okay. I’ll do my best to help,” I tell him.

  “I know, baby. Let’s eat, okay?”

  He’s really quiet all day. When I do well on my homework, he barely says anything.

  “Are you gonna get rid of me?” I ask worriedly.

  “No. The pink bag’s yours,” he replies distractedly.

  I open it slowly. On top of my clothes is makeup, hair chalk, and glitter gel. I have no idea if Alec will be okay with me using anything but the chalk.

  “Um, are these okay?” I ask, showing him the presents.

  “Yeah, those are fine. I'm trying to find a job,” he replies.

  “Are there any that will accept nekos? I can help.”

  “You can’t use your wrists yet.”

  He finally finds a place that might give him an interview in the morning. Unfortunately, it’s at a pet store so he’ll be seeing lots of pets in the same shape I used to be in.

  “Do you want a bath? I’ll help you,” he offers.

  “Yeah. I reek,” I reply.

  Thanks to Jace, I have to wear clunky splints on both wrists. I'm not supposed to take them off or get them wet. I also can’t use my hands very well.

  “At some point, I’ll be able to take a bath by myself,” I remark.

  Alec simply shakes his head.

  “You have an appointment Tuesday to have them looked at. I know it’s only been a week, but they wanna make sure everything’s healing okay,” he informs me.

  “With the lady vet? What was her name?” I ask.

  “Yes. I liked her, and I know you did. Catarina. How do your wrists feel?”

  “Sore.”

  Izzy comes just as I get done showering.

  “I'm gonna let her in and come back to help you,” Alec tells me, kissing me lightly.

  I'm already starting to get addicted to his kisses.

  Izzy seems happy to see me for some reason.

  “How was last night?” she whispers.

  “Good,” I smile.

  “We didn’t have sex, Izzy,” Alec tells her.

  “Really? I’ve seen how you look at each other.”

  “Are things any worse at home?”

  “Mom’s like beyond mad at me for siding with you guys.”

  “How mad? You’re not gonna get kicked out, are you?”

  I rub Alec’s back awkwardly. I don’t like him being upset. I also don’t like wearing these stupid splints because I can’t even comfort my boy—I mean, Alec—properly.

  “Not yet, but I don’t know what I’ll do if it happens,” Izzy replies.

  “Move in with us, I guess. I don’t know. Right now, I'm worried about keeping a roof over both our heads,” Alec tells her.

  “How broke are you guys?”

  “Broke enough I’ll be dropping out if I don’t get a job in a couple weeks.”

  “I could find something. When my wrists heal,” I put in.

  “I know. First, we have to get you a high school education. Otherwise, no one will hire you.”

  I hate how stressed Alec is.

  “I can teach him while you work,” Izzy offers.

  “That would be great. If it’s okay with Magnus. If not, it’s okay. I trust him not to burn the place down,” Alec replies.

  “Um, I can do it myself if you want. I don’t wanna mess up Izzy’s grades,” I tell them.

  “It’s whatever you want.”

  I'm grateful Alec doesn’t try to bully me. I never had a say in anything before, and I was hurt if I tried.

  “You two look really cute together,” Izzy remarks when I snuggle against Alec.

  “Are you okay with her taking a picture of us?” Alec asks.

  “I’ve never had my picture taken. Um, is it like the videos?” I reply nervously.

  “As in you’ll be humiliated? No. It’s not gonna be sexual, just us kissing or holding each other. If it bothers you, we won’t do it. I promise.”

  “Oh. It doesn’t sound too horrible.”

  He kisses me lovingly as Izzy takes the picture. It’s odd not being hurt during it. I know Alec would never hurt me, but I'm still used to anything with a camera meaning pain or humiliation.

  He caresses my cheek gently when we pull back. I doubt I’ll ever get used to his gentleness. He doesn’t make any condescending comments or anything like that. He’s better than I ever deserved.

  It’s nice when Izzy leaves. I like her, but she was getting on my nerves a little.

  He cuddles with me almost all day. It’s nice.

  “What time’s your interview?” I ask.

  “Ten-thirty in the morning. If I get it, I’ll be working six in the evening until ten at night,” he replies.

  I hope he gets the job. If not, I don’t know what we’ll do. I want him to be happy. But I also don’t want to be by myself because it went horribly last time.

 


	13. Alec

Magnus doesn’t look happy about being left alone. I’ve given him homework, which I'm hoping he does, to keep him busy.

  There’s no one else in the pet store when I walk in. The solitude is kind of nice.

  That changes when I see who the manager is. It’s Ragnor Fell.

  “So you bought my little whore,” he remarks, reaching to shake my hand.

  “His name’s Magnus. We’re dating,” I reply.

  I'm very tempted to make him pay for hurting Magnus, but I really need the money.

  “Oh, really? You break the little slut’s jaw yet? I did,” Ragnor says, smiling wickedly.

  “I’ve never put my hands on him like you did because I'm not a psychopath,” I retort.

  “He bit me. He had it coming.”

  “I know he bit you, and I know why.”

  “He oughtta have his mouth wired shut. Or kept muzzled.”

  “He has scars from a muzzle. Not that you care, obviously.”

  “Have you taken him yet? Does he still fight you the entire time?”

  I wanna puke. This entire conversation is sickening.

  “No, because I love and respect him. And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop talking about him like he’s an object,” I tell him tensely.

  “Oh, how sweet. How much do you want for him?” Ragnor replies.

  Before I think it through, I’ve already punched him. I regret it—sorta—the moment I do. If he presses charges, I don’t know what will happen to Magnus. The part of me that doesn’t regret it wants to do it again.

  “Forget the interview,” I tell Ragnor, walking out.

  Magnus is curled up on the couch with his homework when I get back.

  “How’d it go?” he asks.

  “I did something stupid. And illegal,” I reply.

  He looks up in surprise.

  “Did you punch someone?” he asks, staring at my bloodied hand.

  “Ragnor Fell. In the face,” I answer, going to the sink.

  “He did your interview?”

  “Not exactly. He talked crap about you, offered to take you back, and I snapped.”

  “Why’d you defend me?”

  “Because I love you. I shouldn’t have punched him, though. If I go to jail, we’re past screwed.”

  “Thanks for defending me. I'm sorry you didn’t get the interview.”

  “Stop apologizing. Why don’t we go for a walk or something after our homework’s done?”

  He agrees happily.

  Things are looking up when I get a phone call for an interview Monday at the bookstore I applied to. It’s the same hours as the other job.

  “Maybe that one will be better?” Magnus asks.

  “I hope. It’s the same one we went to,” I reply, leading him outside the hotel.

  It’s nice to just follow him around the city. Once I start working, I don’t know how many times we’ll be able to do this. But I wanna spend all the time I can with him while I can.

  The nice time’s almost ruined by a sudden downpour. Until a grinning Magnus pulls me in for a playful kiss. He’s so beautiful and perfect. I hope he knows just how much I really do love him. And, if he doesn’t, I’ll do whatever I need to for him to see it.

  Still grinning like a madman, he races with me to an awning. The storm’s getting much worse. Even though he’s completely drenched, he looks extremely happy. He looks a little less happy when my phone rings. It’s my mother.

  “Alexander, I found a buyer for that _thing_ ,” she tells me instead of ‘hello.’

  “Magnus is mine. I adopted him. I paid the fees. My name’s on the papers, which means you can’t make a decision like that,” I retort.

  “Ragnor has offered to pay an exorbitant amount for it.”

  “He can take the money and shove it. Better yet, _I’ll_ do the shoving. Magnus is not for adoption.”

  “He’s offered almost twenty thousand.”

  “No. Tell him I'm not interested, nor will I ever be.”

  “You’re gonna regret that.”

  “I swear if you lay a hand on him, you’ll end up with Valentine.”

  “You wouldn’t do that to your own mother.”

  “When it comes to him, I would. Bye.”

  I wish I’d done more than punch Ragnor now.

  “Are you okay?” Magnus answers gently, touching my shoulder clumsily.

  “No. We need to go back to the hotel. And I need to make a plan to keep you safe,” I reply tensely.

  “Ragnor went to your family?”

  “Yes. He’s not getting you. I promise.”

  “I'm glad you decided to keep me.”

  He offers me a broken half-smile. His golden eyes are heartbreakingly sad, though.

  “I love you. I plan on keeping you for as long as you want me to,” I tell him.

  “Always. That’s how long,” he replies.

  His words make me smile. I’ll do whatever’s in my power to do just that.

  Unfortunately, the time until my interview passes quickly. I plan on taking Magnus with me to make him feel better. The time before the interview is spent cuddling and kissing him and letting him know he _will_ be safe. I love him, no matter what anyone else thinks of it.

  I'm more nervous about this interview than I was the last one. There’s no way this one could go worse.

  The manager happens to be Valentine’s son, Jonathan. He resembles Valentine, except his eyes are the same green as his sister’s. An inu is curled up asleep beside his desk chair.

  “You’re Jace’s brother, aren’t you?” he asks, smiling.

  “Yeah. Um, you have an inu,” I reply stupidly.

  “Her name’s Maia. I'm not my father.”

  “How old is she? I’ve got a neko. His name’s Magnus.”

  “Seventeen. She’s not mine; I'm babysitting her. You can let him in here. Maia won’t hurt him.”

  “Who owns her? That would be great.”

  “A guy named Jordan. He used to work here, and he wants me to keep an eye on her while he’s at his new job.”

  Magnus seems really happy to be allowed in the office. He doesn’t even look at Jonathan or Maia. Instead, he sits in the chair beside mine. He looks as nervous as I feel.

  The interview actually goes really well. Jonathan and Magnus seem to be okay with each other, which makes me feel a lot better. The only problem is I can’t bring Magnus to work with me; Jonathan can bring Maia because she stays in his office and away from everyone. If I brought Magnus, he would be around people who might be of the opinion hybrids carry disease or are abominations. If I’ve forgotten something, he can come to bring it, but he has to be escorted by an employee. He can shop without me if he has a note or voicemail or text with my permission and stating what he’s in there for. My first day is Wednesday.

  “Believe it or not, I had no idea things worked like that for pets. What’s the reason for the leash being clipped to the cart at grocery stores?” I say outside the bookstore.

  “They think we’ll steal food. Some places are worse than others,” he explains.

  “Oh. I'm sorry it’s like that.”

  “Not your fault. I'm glad neither of you are like your parents.”

  “So am I. If he hadn’t been nice to you, I wouldn’t have taken the job.”

  Magnus seems surprised by that. I don’t wanna work for someone who isn’t good to the one I love.

  “We have one more stop to make before we go to the hotel,” I tell him.

  “Okay. Where’re we goin’?” he replies, taking my hand.

  “To get you a cellphone. And maybe something else.”

  “I don’t know how to use a cellphone.”

  “I’ll show you. As smart as you are, you’ll be fine.”

  He’s not allowed into the electronics store. The employees act like they’re sure he’ll steal something. Or get germs on it.

  “Look, I'm buying something _for_ him. Can I bring him in long enough to get it? He won’t touch anything. I swear it,” I tell the employee.

  “He touches anything and I’ll break every single finger. Am I clear?” the short girl retorts.

  Magnus is glancing worriedly from me to the girl. His ears are flattened unhappily.

  “Magnus, do you wanna go inside or do you wanna wait out here?” I ask.

  “I wanna be with you, but it’s okay if I'm not,” he murmurs.

  “Do you wanna go to a different store?”

  “They all have this policy. I went with Ragnor once. One of his friends dropped his phone in the toilet and blamed me. He made me go with him and let them break my fingers as punishment.”

  “That won’t happen this time.”

  I keep a tight hold on his leash. Not because I'm afraid he’ll run away but because I don’t trust the employees not to hurt him.

  “What do you think of this one?” I ask, showing him a small smartphone.

  “I don’t know. How much is it?” he replies.

  “Thirty. The card’s forty-five.”

  “Is it the cheapest one?”

  “Yeah. I'm sorry she was so rude to you.”

  “I'm used to it.”

  “Do you want this phone?”

  “I guess.”

  “You really want out of here.”

  It takes very little time for us to get checked out. I don’t think the employees want him here any more than he wants to be here.

  I really wanna make it up to him for the employee’s rudeness. But I'm also pretty much broke. Buying his phone wasn’t really something I could afford, but it was something he needed.

  “I don’t have any money, but is there any way I can make up to you for the store sucking?” I ask.

  “You don’t have to,” he tells me.

  “I know. I just feel bad for accidentally making you miserable twice.”

  “Being with you makes up for it.”

  He kisses me softly. He’s so sweet. And cute. And I don’t know how Ragnor could be so mean to him.

  He fiddles with his new phone once I show him how to use it. It’s cute watching how the small device has captured his attention.

  “It has a camera too. You can take pictures. Or record video,” I tell him, opening my laptop.

  “I’ve never used a camera. Or texted. Can I put a movie in?” he replies.

  “You can use the one on your phone. You can text whoever you want. You’ve got my number and Izzy’s. Of course you can.”

  He reaches for my hand after he puts a movie in.

  “You’re like a teddy bear,” I tell him.

  “How’s that? I used to have one at my breeder,” he replies.

  “I just wanna cuddle you all the time. You did? What happened to it?”

  “They gave me one when I was really little. I slept with it all the time. Cried on it when things were worse than normal.”

  “Aww! I bet you were really adorable when you were little.”

  “I had huge ears. Not cute.”

  “Would your breeders have pictures?”

  “I don’t know. I'm pretty sure yesterday’s the only picture of me. They might on their website, though, if they have one.”

  “Cool. I'm gonna look.”

  He’s typing something on his phone while I look at his breeder’s website. There’s pictures of nekos they have up for breeding and for adoption. The kids are so cute!

  “I’ve only seen young nekos a couple times,” I murmur, going to their past adoptions.

  There aren’t any pictures of Magnus as a baby. I wish there had been; I know he would’ve been the cutest one ever.

  Magnus sits on the counter and talks while I cook. It’s nice. It feels normal.

  “Is your dad like your mom?” he asks.

  “He doesn’t know I'm gay. He doesn’t like nekos much either,” I reply.

  “Why do they care so much about whether or not you’re straight?”

  “Because being gay means I'm not the perfect child like Jace and Izzy.”

  “That’s dumb.”

  His words make me smile. My parents always made it clear they preferred Jace and Izzy. Magnus frowns when I tell him so.

  “They have no idea what they’re missing out on,” he informs me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my cheek.

  “Glad you think so,” I reply.

  “I know so.”

  He eats two helpings of spaghetti, which really surprises me. I'm not sure if he was super hungry or if it just tasted really good.

  I wish I had known about him eight years ago, but I was too young to adopt him—You have to be at least fifteen to adopt a hybrid—and it wouldn’t have been safe for him with my parents being what they were. I know it won’t help anything, but I wish I could’ve loved him sooner.


	14. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up, this one isn't too nice to Magnus.

It’s been three months since Alec adopted me and started working. He’s my favorite person in the universe. I’ll do anything for him. I know he feels the same way about me.

  But I feel really guilty about one thing: I haven’t put out yet. I know I should to keep him happy, but I'm also terrified by the thought. He’s never brought it up, but I'm unsure how to handle it if he does. I'm also unsure how long it takes for normal people to hit that point in their relationship. What if he’s there already but doesn’t wanna pressure me so he’s not saying anything? That just means I'm a horrible boyfriend, right? What if I'm never ready?

  “Be good. I’ll be back at ten, okay?” Alec murmurs, kissing me lovingly.

  I kiss him back eagerly.

  “I will. Be safe,” I reply.

  He’s been working two to ten six days a week for the past month. I hate not seeing him all the time, but I know we really need the money. We’ve got an apartment, but he’s trying to get the money for Christmas.

  “You got everything? You look worn out,” I murmur.

  “I’ve got everything. I'm still doing my high school homework,” he replies.

  I'm really proud Alec tries so hard to take care of his own needs and mine. But he’s worn out almost all the time from juggling forty-eight hours a week at work plus school. I do everything I can to help out, but I can’t work yet because I don’t have my GED.

  While he’s at work, I watch _Project Runway_ reruns. I envy the talent of the designers. I can sew a little, mostly fixing Alec’s clothes because buying new clothes is a foreign concept to him, but I can’t do anything like the designers.

  _Maybe Izzy can come over?_ I wonder, picking up my phone.

  The small LED light on the home button is flashing blue, the color I set for Alec. For some reason, my phone didn’t go off when he called, so I call him back.

  “Baby, can you bring me my lunch? I forgot to put it in my lunchbox. I'm sorry,” Alec says.

  He sounds stressed.

  “No problem. Are you okay?” I reply.

  “It’s insane. We’re shorthanded and busy. I love you.”

  “Why’re you shorthanded? I’ve got my keys and your lunch and I'm on my way.”

  “Khalil’s sick. Helen’s on her honeymoon. So it’s me and Jonathan.”

  I shove my phone in my pocket and start out the door. About three blocks from the apartment, I feel like someone’s following me. I'm afraid to look and see if I'm right. Eight blocks later, when I'm two blocks from Alec, I'm ninety percent sure I'm being followed. Whoever it is has gotten closer, and the sound of footsteps getting closer startles me into running. I know running from a possible attacker is stupid and dangerous, but I'm scared.

  “Hey, pretty kitty,” a familiar voice coos behind me.

  My most frequent nightmare has become real. And it scares me so badly I can barely breathe.

  He grabs me and tries wrestling me into an alley. Growling ferally, I punch and kick at him. I'm not about to go down without a fight. Not this time

  “Naughty little kitty needs to be taught a lesson,” Ragnor croons, slamming me against the wall.

  Fighting back only gets me beaten with a baseball bat until I can’t move. I’ve tried screaming for help, but none comes. That’s no surprise, really. What’s one dead neko? He tortures me until I black out from the pain.

  When everything comes back into focus, I'm at the vet. Alec’s sitting by my bed. He looks so worried.

  “You’re awake,” he murmurs, relief clear in his voice.

  I can’t move my jaw to speak. Whimpering fearfully, I stare up at him.

  “He broke your jaw, and they had to wire it. I'm glad to see you awake,” he tells me.

  “How bad is it?” I ask through clenched teeth.

  “He broke your ribs, your jaw and cheekbone, your left ankle, you have hairline fractures in your left femur and your spine, knocked out three teeth, and you had some internal bleeding. You’re missing most of your tail, and he almost ripped your right ear off. He, um, he won’t be hurting you for a long time.”

  My eyes widen in shock at that.

  “He’s in jail. With a couple broken bones. I'm glad Jace found you,” he tells me.

  _Jace found me? Why would he bother helping me?_ I think, furrowing my brow in confusion.

  A soft rap at the door makes me flinch.

  “Is Magnus awake?” a female voice asks.

  “He’s awake, Dr. Loss,” Alec replies, taking my hand gently.

  I wince in pain when my ears flatten nervously as she comes in. My right ear feels like it’s on fire.

  “Hey, Magnus. How’re you feeling?” she says, coming to sit on my bed.

  “Sore. Had worse,” I mumble.

  “Your last blood test came back. Alec asked your previous vet to fax it to me.”

  “What am I positive for?” I ask dejectedly.

  I'm sure Alec won’t want me if I have an STD. I'm sure ‘Always’ will only mean ‘Until you’re irreparable.’

  “You tested positive for HIV,” she informs us.


	15. Alec

I watch as Magnus curls away from me at the diagnosis. He looks heartbreakingly depressed and scared and I wanna hold him more than anything.

  “What’re the treatments?” I ask.

  Magnus looks up at me in shock. I have a feeling he thought I would have him put down or taken to the pound. No way is that happening.

  “There’s been tremendous results from a new medicine. It’s still experimental, but I think it would work great for him. Most of the hybrids using it have been cured,” Dr. Loss explains.

  “I promised him I’d always do whatever it takes to keep him. Do you wanna give the medicine a try?”

  Magnus agrees quietly.

  “There are a couple warnings you should know about. It can make him really worn out. It can cause him to lose weight, so you really need to keep an eye on that. It can cause vomiting and nausea. He’ll need weekly blood tests to monitor his progress,” she informs us.

  “Do you still wanna try it?” I ask, touching Magnus’ hand gently.

  He nods slowly.                      

  “Any idea when he’ll be able to come home?” I ask.

  “Three days at least. We’ll start him on the medicine this evening through an IV, and we can either use a feeding tube or a straw to feed him. Whatever he prefers,” she tells us.

  “A straw please,” Magnus murmurs.

  “You’re allowed to be here whenever he’s bathed or you can do it. You mentioned he had some very negative experiences last time he was hospitalized. I want to avoid that as much as possible.”

  “Can I stay with him?” I ask.

  “We’ve never had an owner ask that before. You can. There’s a small apartment attached that no one’s staying in. I have the key to it if you wanna stay there until he’s able to go home. Or you can stay in his room.”

  “Staying in his room would make me feel better. I have a question.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “How long does it take to become a vet like you and how much does schooling cost?”

  “Five to eight years. It depends on whether or not you actually like hybrids. Schooling costs anywhere from ten thousand to twenty thousand. My advice would be to start as a tech. They don’t make techs go to school like they do for animals.”

  “It’s expensive, but I’d really like to do it. Why don’t techs have to go to school?”

  “They don’t think it’s necessary to do the schooling in order to deal with hybrids.”

  “I wish people felt different towards hybrids.”

  “I know. I do too. You don’t know how many times I’ve seen ones who are being abused. There’s nothing I can do to get them out of the situation. With the laws as they are, owners can’t be prosecuted for cruelty. The only way to really get the pet away from them is to talk the owner into surrendering them to a pound.”

  “I know the only reason Ragnor’s getting in trouble is because Magnus belongs to me, and it’s illegal to attack someone else’s pet. That’s why Valentine’s in prison. My parents somehow got out of it.”

  “Are you gonna take Magnus to the trial? If he’s allowed by the court?”

  “Do you wanna go?”

  Careful of his injured ear, I stroke his hair tenderly. I'm glad he no longer flinches away whenever I touch him.

  “Dunno. Why’d Jace help me?” he mumbles.

  “He said he felt really bad for how he treated you before. I still don’t trust him with you,” I explain.

  “You really care about him, don’t you? I’ve never seen a pet look this happy,” Dr. Loss remarks.

  “He’s my boyfriend. I love him more than anything in the world,” I reply.

  Magnus smiles at this.

  “Aww! He looks really happy with you. I'm gonna bring him some food and start an IV,” she tells us, patting Magnus lightly.

  Magnus guzzles the protein drink she brings him. He even asks her for more.

  “I’ll bring you another once I get the IV in. Alec, why didn’t you mention his appetite increase?” she says.

  “It varies from day to day, so I didn’t really think about it,” I explain.

  I watch as she inserts the IV tube to the port in the back of Magnus’ hand.

  “He’ll get one bag of this a day while he’s in here and two pills daily when he comes home. The pills can be crushed and mixed in a drink,” she tells me.

  Magnus rests his head on my leg once she’s gone. He looks really worn out.

  “You can sleep if you want. I'm not gonna leave,” I tell him.

  He shakes his head.

  “Did you think I wasn’t gonna want you?” I ask.

  “Yeah. I thought you’d want me put down,” he replies.

  “I love you. I don’t care what the test said. Alright?”

  “What about your job?”

  “They know I'm gonna be taking care of you.”

  I'm actually glad when he drifts off. I know he hates napping like this, but I know he needs to so he’ll get better.

  He’s sleeping so soundly he doesn’t wake when my phone vibrates with a text.

  Izzy: _How is he? I heard what happened. Can I visit?_

  Me: _He’s sleeping. He’ll be able to come home in maybe three days._

  Izzy: _How bad was it? Jace just told me he was pretty hurt._

  I feel a little guilty for not telling her sooner, but Magnus was my first priority.

  Me: _He has a few broken bones. His jaw’s wired shut. He barely has a tail now. But he’s alive. I'm sorry I didn’t tell you sooner._

  Izzy: _I'm glad he’ll be ok. Alec, you’re worried about your boyfriend. I get that._

  Me: _How r things @ home?_

  Izzy: _Bad. Jace is in deep crap for helping Magnus._

  Me: _I'm glad he was there. Otherwise, Ragnor probably would’ve killed Magnus._

  Magnus is mewling frantically in his sleep. He’s starting to lash out at some unseen force.

  “Shh. You’re okay. You’re safe. I'm right here,” I murmur soothingly, petting his hair gently.

  His eyes flicker open at my touch. Panicked, he glances around before realizing I'm the one touching him.

  “What happened?” I ask gently.

  “Really bad dream,” he mumbles.

  “I'm sorry.”

  “He raped me. You know that, right?”

  “I know. Are you okay? I can stop touching you if it’s bothering you.”

  “No, it’s not bothering me. Are you mad at me that it happened again? I fought back, Alec. Really. I didn’t want it to happen.”

  “Mags, of course I'm not mad at you. It’s not your fault. I'm so proud of you for defending yourself. I know you didn’t want it.”

  “What if I can’t ever be with you like that? Are you still gonna want me?”

  “I’ll still love you. I'm not with you because of what you were before. I know you had lots of bad experiences. But I’ll be really patient with you when you’re ready. It only happens when you’re ready for that step. Okay? The fact I love you isn’t gonna change.”

  “Aren’t you ready for me to put out, though?”

  “Magnus, I am never going to pressure you into doing something you’re not ready for, especially when you never had a say in it. Whether I'm ready or not isn’t the point.”

  I don’t like how distressed he is. If I’d talked to him about that part of our relationship sooner, maybe he wouldn’t be so upset.

  “I know you wouldn’t rape me. I just thought maybe I was taking too long to put out. I thought you might’ve been mad at me for what Ragnor did, since you and I are dating,” he murmurs.

  “Magnus, I'm not mad at you. Especially not for something you can’t control,” I tell him gently.

  “You’re better than I could’ve ever hoped.”

  This is the closest to an ‘I love you’ I’ve gotten. I understand why he’s reluctant to say it. And I’ll wait for him.

  “How’re you feeling about everything that happened? Emotionally, I mean,” I say.

  “Ashamed. Filthy. I feel like I did when Ragnor kept me caged for a week and didn’t let me out to use the bathroom. Like I might make you dirty by touching you. I hate myself,” he mumbles reluctantly, turning away from me.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It never was. Why do you hate yourself?”

  He ignores me. He’s sniffling softly.

  _Way to go. Make your boyfriend cry. Like he hasn’t had enough trauma,_ I berate myself.

  “Magnus, I wasn’t trying to upset you more. I'm sorry. You don’t have to talk about it,” I murmur.

  “It’s not you. Something’s wrong with me,” he replies.

  “If you’re meaning the HIV, it’s something we can treat.”

  “It’s not the HIV. Even though it hurt, I-I—Why did I do that if it hurt so much?”

  “Magnus, you couldn’t control your body’s reaction. That’s normal. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you or that you enjoyed it. Do you think I'm mad at you for it?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Will you hold me?” he asks.

  “Of course. How do you want me to hold you?” I reply.

  “I don’t want our normal.”

  Our normal is usually me spooning him.

   “You can always turn over and I can hold you that way if you want,” I reply.

  He curls up against me timidly. The tension in his skinny body is unreal. Before, he would’ve practically melted against me.

  “I love you more than you can imagine. More than you think,” I whisper.

  He’s quiet for several long moments. He’s beginning to gradually relax against me.

  “I think I love you,” he murmurs.

  His words make my eyes sting with tears.

  “You have no idea how amazing you are,” I tell him.

  He doesn’t say anything. He simply sighs and snuggles closer.

  More than anything, I want him to heal from the trauma. I want Ragnor to rot in prison.

 


	16. Magnus

  Alec’s still holding me when I finally wake up. I'm so hungry my stomach hurts. The fact I dreamed about food didn’t help. He wakes up when I pull away.

  “You okay?” he mumbles sleepily.

  “Yeah. Just hungry,” I reply.

  “I’ll see what I can do.”

  I try to follow him. I don’t wanna be alone in a vet’s office, no matter how nice Catarina has been. Plus, being alone hasn’t ever worked out for me since he adopted me.

  “Are you feeling any better? You really slept,” he remarks, offering me one of the high-calorie drinks and a straw.

  “Walking sucks, but I'm okay,” I reply, slurping the drink eagerly.

  “Izzy texted me last night while you were sleeping the first time. She wanted to know how you were doing. And she wants to visit you.”

  “Okay. You’re not gonna leave, right?”

  “I thought you liked Izzy?”

  “I do. If you’re here, I'm safe.”

  I hate admitting to him I'm afraid for him to leave me right now. Even though he’s my boyfriend, part of me still recognizes him as my master, and I was taught to never be weak in front of my master.

  “Then I’ll have Izzy go by the apartment to get you some books,” he tells me.

  “Thank you,” I murmur.

  The bed feels lumpier than it did yesterday. And harder. I’d rather lay on the floor.

  “Are you gonna get behind?” I ask.

  “If I do, I’ll catch up. You’re more important,” he replies, stroking my hair gently.

  “This wasn’t what I had in mind when I thought about spending more time with you.”

  He kisses me gently.

  “Not what I had in mind either,” he agrees.

  It doesn’t scare me this time when someone knocks on the door. It’s Catarina.

  “How’re you feeling?” she asks.

  “Okay. I'm just really hungry,” I reply.

  “That’s to be expected. You’ll need to consume a minimum of 5,000 calories while you recover. You can use either a spoon, straw, or a syringe. And Alec can blend up regular food so you can eat it.”

  “Will I get fat? Ragnor decided I was once and starved me for over a week. I ate my own w-w-waste.”

  “You shouldn’t. You’ll be given four or five meals a day. Weight loss, not gain, is actually very common with jaw fractures.”

  “Magnus, even if you do get fat, I wouldn’t starve you,” Alec tells me.

  “I wasn’t fat when he did it. I weighed 125,” I mumble.

  “That man deserves much worse than prison. How old were you when he adopted you?” Catarina says.

  There’s anger in her blue eyes. I'm not used to anyone outside of Alec and his family caring about how Ragnor treated me.

  “I was eight,” I reply quietly.

  She barely masks a look of horror.

  “Magnus, you’re a lot braver and stronger than people think hybrids are. May I give you a hug?” she murmurs.

  I nod shyly in response.

  She doesn’t hug me for very long. But it’s enough for me to see I can trust her.

  “Where’s your pain at today?” she asks.

  “About a four or five,” I reply.

  “He has a high pain tolerance,” Alec tacks on.

  “I’d say so. If you need a painkiller, just ask, okay? You’ll be on antibiotics for about two weeks, so I’ll go ahead and give you one of the pills now. If you feel up to it, you can have a bath today.”

  “Can I do it myself?” I ask.

  “You can. Alec would have to keep an eye on you, however.”

  “Is it okay, Alec?”

  “Of course. Is it a sponge bath or is there somewhere for him to shower?” Alec replies.

  “Whichever he prefers. He’d need his IV port covered up,” Catarina replies.

  Ten minutes later, Alec and I are in the small bathroom down the hall from my room. Alec has to help me with the hospital gown. I don’t particularly like needing him to help me undress, especially when some of the ties are to cover my butt.

  “I had no idea you were so bruised,” Alec says.

  My entire body is a mess of bruises. For the first time, I notice how short my poor tail is. It came to my calves before. Now, it falls just below my butt. I miss my tail. I liked tickling Alec’s feet with the soft fur, but I can’t do that now.

  The warm water feels amazing to my aching body. I wish I could stand under the warm spray forever. There’s a shower curtain, so I feel a lot better about being naked around him. I know Alec would never do that to me, but it still makes me feel better.

  “Feel better?” Alec asks, offering me a towel.

  “A lot better. Thanks,” I reply, leaning in to kiss him lovingly.

  Once I'm dry and dressed, we go back to my room.

  “I can’t believe they actually gave me a gown. And let me have a warm shower,” I tell him.

  “I was surprised about the gown too. I asked her for it, though, because I figured it’d make you more comfortable,” Alec replies.

  “Thanks. It does, actually. I trust you.”

  He sighs when his phone buzzes angrily.

  “Everything okay?” I ask, touching his arm lightly.

  “Jace. He wants to know if you’re okay with him visiting. It’s your call,” he replies.

  “He saved my life. I guess it’s okay.”

  “Magnus, do you really want him here or are you saying it to be nice?”

  “He saved my life, Alec. It would’ve been easy for him to help Ragnor hurt me. But he didn’t. I wanna at least say thank you.”

  Twenty minutes later, Jace walks in the room.

  “Hey, cat,” he smirks.

  “H-hi. Um, thanks for saving me from him. You didn’t have to,” I mumble timidly.

  I still don’t trust Jace. Judging from the way Alec’s watching him tensely, he feels the same.

  “I wanted to. If it wasn’t for you, Alec’d probably just wither away in a corner somewhere,” Jace replies.

  “Izzy said things are bad at home. How bad is bad?” Alec says.

  “I'm moving out. Izzy’s considering it.”

  “What happened?”

  “Mom turned on me more than I ever thought she would. Does that answer your question?”

  “I'm sorry.”

  “Same. If she screams at our sister again, we’re gonna have real problems.”

  “Why’d she yell at Izzy?” I ask.

  “For helping you. We’re traitors to her,” Jace explains.

  “Is she ever gonna leave?” Alec asks.

  “No. She said you can’t, and I quote, ‘Sully our home with that filthy animal.’ So we’re basically screwed.”

  “She realizes I'm part cat, right? And take baths? I enjoy being clean,” I tell them.

  “It’s the part cat thing she has the problem with,” Jace replies.

  “And the fact I'm gay,” Alec adds sullenly.

  I hug him gently. I want him to feel better.

  “When’s he getting out?” Jace asks.

  “Tomorrow or the next day,” Alec replies, petting my hair gently.

  Alec’s phone vibrates against my jaw from its home in his pocket. I don’t like it because it means I have to move.

  “It’s Mom,” he sighs angrily.

  He doesn’t look a bit happy as he answers the phone.

  “Can I sit?” Jace asks, gesturing at the bed.

  I nod reluctantly. I don’t trust him. The only reasons I want to make amends are because he’s Alec’s brother and he saved my life.

  “Say what you want. I don’t care. He’s not a whore! Don’t you _dare_ call him that. Since you like _him_ so much, why don’t you adopt him? He wouldn’t be a disgrace,” Alec snaps, shoving his phone in his pocket.

  He takes my hand gently as he sits down.

  “So you do have a temper, Mr. Stoic,” Jace remarks.

  Alec looks like he wants to punch something.

  “I won’t be home Christmas. Or ever. She wants to get him out of jail. She said Magnus was standing on the street corner while I was at work. I'm past done,” Alec replies angrily.

  “The only time I stood on the street corner was when I was waiting until I had an all-clear to cross the street. I'm sorry, Alec,” I murmur.

  “Don’t apologize, Magnus. It’s not you. It’s me.”

  “Can Izzy and I come to Thanksgiving and Christmas?” Jace asks.

  “Thanksgiving is in three days. I haven’t even bought a turkey.”

  “Iz and I will take care of it.”

  “I’ve never celebrated Thanksgiving,” I tell them.

  “You’re gonna get your first real Thanksgiving. And your first real Christmas. I love you,” Alec promises.

  I finally have the chance to have something I never had. I have the chance to celebrate holidays normal people celebrate with my boyfriend and his family. I finally have a chance for a normal life.


	17. Alec

Magnus has been out of the hospital for two days. He’s doing a lot better; he’s only needed pain medicine once. He hasn’t had any nightmares.

  He’s still sleeping when I go to let Jace and Izzy in.

  “How is he?” Izzy asks.

  Izzy looks undeniably stressed out. If things don’t calm down soon, she, and, as much as I hate to think about it, Jace will be moving in with us.

  “He’s still sleeping, but he’s doing really good,” I smile.

  “Ready to get started?” Jace yawns.

  “Ready when you guys are. What’d you get?”

  “Biggest turkey we could find. Potatoes. Stuff for noodles and dressing. Izzy’s making mac and cheese. And I'm gonna do pie.”

  “I’ll do the mac and cheese. Magnus doesn’t need food poisoning.”

  “What am I, chopped liver?”

  “What am I doing?” Izzy asks.

  “Mags is my main concern. Izzy, you can blend Magnus’ food for him if you want,” I reply.

  Magnus stumbles in sleepily. He’s still in the orange PJ bottoms I got him with the dancing kittens on them. He’s leaning heavily on the wall.

  “What’s goin’ on?” he asks groggily, his voice raspy from sleep.

  “Happy Thanksgiving. I'm sorry if we woke you up. How’re you feeling?” I reply.

  “Happy Thanksgiving. Sore, but I'm okay. You didn’t wake me up. I'm gonna go get dressed. I’ll be right back.”

  While he dresses, I help Izzy and Jace put everything but the turkey away. I help Jace butter it and put it in the oven.

  After we put the turkey in the oven, Jace, Izzy, and I settle on the couch to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. I know we could go to it since we live in New York, but I don’t wanna drag Magnus around crowds after what just happened.

  Magnus limps in ten minutes later and makes himself comfy between me and Izzy.

  “I like your nails,” Izzy tells him, examining his fall-inspired nail polish.

  He smiles shyly at her words. He admitted to me while I was doing them last night that he never got to do them before I adopted him; when he tried before Ragnor beat him and called him names. Some people are still very judgmental about it and make snide comments about it. I always defend him when it happens; he deserves to be able to be himself. If it makes him happy, who cares?

  “Alec did them last night to make me feel better,” he tells her.

  “He does a better job than I do,” I tell them.

  “Still. It was nice of you to do it.”

  “You did a really good job, Alec,” Izzy informs me, smiling.

  “Thanks. I’ll do anything if it helps him.”

  Magnus smiles at my words.

  “And you have no idea how much I appreciate it,” he says, kissing my cheek.

  “Are you guys staying the night?” I ask, entwining my fingers with Magnus’.

  “Is that okay? I mean, we’re not gonna be drinking or anything,” Izzy replies.

  “I'm fine with it. Um, can I help cook?” Magnus murmurs.

  “Baby, you don’t need to help. We can do it.”

  I know he doesn’t like sitting on his butt while I cook or anything. But I really don’t want him overdoing to the point where he throws up.

  “Can I sit and talk to you then?” he asks.

  “Of course you can,” I reply.

  He smiles happily at this as his attention turns to the parade for the first time. It’s adorable seeing how engrossed he is with it.

  After the parade’s over, Jace and I get started on the rest of the food. Izzy and Magnus sit on barstools and talk.

  “Are you guys gonna start new traditions?” Izzy asks.

  “I didn’t know you guys had any,” Magnus tells us.

  “We used to play football in the park, watch the parade, and we’d usually either play games or watch horror movies all night. The day after Thanksgiving was always when we put the tree up,” I explain, mixing the noodle dough.

  “Were you good at football? What games did you play? Um, I was never allowed around the Christmas tree.”

  “Not really. Usually, it was either Monopoly or Scrabble. Why weren’t you allowed around it?”

  “They thought I might mark it. I don’t do that. What do you wanna do?”

  “Remember listing off everything we were thankful for? Do you wanna do that? What traditions do you want?”

  “I remember that. We haven’t done that for a while,” Jace says, dicing celery and onions for dressing.

  “I like that idea. I’ve never had traditions before,” Magnus tells us.

  “I know you haven’t. Are there any you want?” I reply.

  “Probably just yours.”

  Once the prep’s done, the four of us settle around the coffee table to play Scrabble. I know it’s one of Magnus’ favorite games. It makes me feel good for everything to be going so well.

  “Before we eat, we’ll take turns saying what we’re thankful for,” I say.

  “Can I go last?” Magnus asks.

  “Whenever you want.”

  By eight, everything’s done but the turkey. It’s refusing to cook, even though it’s been on since eleven.

  “Do you wanna just chop it up so it’ll cook?” I suggest.

  Jace is glaring sullenly at the turkey through the oven door.

  “I don’t care as long as we can eat,” he replies.

  A half-hour later, we’re all settled on the couch with our food.

  “You first. You’re the oldest,” Izzy tells me.

  “I'm thankful I got to adopt Magnus and show him what a normal life is like. And I'm thankful I fell in love with him and that he wasn’t creeped out by me asking him out. And that I got the job at the bookstore. I'm thankful we could afford this apartment. I'm thankful we were able to get together like this,” I say, staring uncomfortably at my food.

  “Why would I have been creeped out? I'm the one that was ogling you after your shower,” Magnus remarks, smiling.

  “Because I thought you’d think it was weird.”

  He shakes his head.

  “I'm thankful Alec didn’t kill me for what happened with Magnus. And I'm thankful I was able to stop Ragnor. And I'm thankful Magnus has finally stopped growling at me,” Jace says.

  “I can go back to growling at you if you want,” Magnus tells him.

  “You’re supposed to be nice to people who save your life.”

  “Boys, it’s my turn,” Izzy tells them.

  They both stop talking.

  “I'm thankful Alec finally got a boyfriend, especially a cute one like Magnus. And I'm thankful Simon finally got the nerve to ask me out.” Izzy states simply.

  “Simon as in Clary’s best friend?” Jace and I ask.

  “Yeah. We’ve been going out for three weeks, but it’s still just casual.”

  “What’s he like?” Magnus asks.

  “He looks like a weasel,” Jace tells him.

  “Be nice, Jace,” Izzy warns.

  “He’s nice, Magnus,” I say.

  He relaxes at this.

  “Um, the thing I'm most thankful for is Alec adopting me. Out of all the other pets there, he chose me. I'm thankful he’s been amazing to me and decided I'm worth dating. I'm thankful he loves me, even though I have HIV. I'm thankful he defends me,” Magnus says quietly.

  “You have HIV?” Izzy asks.

  “I thought Alec told you. I'm on medicine for it.”

  “No. It’s your decision on who knows,” I tell him gently.

  “Did you have it when I made an idiot out of myself?” Jace asks.

  Magnus nods slowly. The shame is clear on his face.

  “So you probably have it too. I'm sorry,” Magnus mumbles.

  “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault,” Jace tells him kindly.

  I know it probably will help if Magnus has the acceptance of someone besides me. And I'm very glad they’re being kind to him about it.


	18. Magnus

It’s nice to cuddle under a blanket with Alec and watch scary movies. I like spending time with Izzy, and I don’t really wanna tear Jace apart now.

  “Tomorrow, we can go get a tree and ornaments if you feel like it,” Alec murmurs, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

  “Okay. What Christmas traditions do you have?” I reply.

  “We used to ball up the scrap wrapping paper and throw it at each other. Jace decided to play baseball with it last year,” Izzy tells me.

  I can barely make out the glint of her white teeth as she smiles in the dark.

  “Neither of you tried telling me not to,” Jace adds.

  “I’ve tried telling you no. I might as well talk to the wall,” Alec replies.

  “It sounds really fun,” I offer.

  I'm really looking forwards to my first real Christmas.

  “Do you guys wanna go with us to get the tree and ornaments? If Magnus is okay with it?” Alec asks.

  “I like your family. Except your mom. She can go—” I begin.

  “The cat’s really starting to grow on me,” Jace laughs, cutting me off.

  Smiling, I snuggle against Alec. I'm glad Jace isn’t being mean to me any more, but I still don’t trust him.

  I don’t wanna get up in the morning. I'm more sore today, but I don’t wanna take a painkiller and be stoned and tired for shopping.

  “Magnus, we can go this afternoon if you wanna sleep a little longer,” Alec murmurs, kissing my hair gently.

  “I'm sorry, but that does sound good,” I reply, curling up with his pillow.

  It smells like him. And I feel better if I have something to cuddle with.

  “It’s fine. I’ll bring you your breakfast and medicine before you go to sleep,” he tells me.

  Around noon, I stumble into the bathroom to get dressed. I pull on one of my favorite t-shirts, a white one with ‘Glitter is for every occasion’ on the front, with a sparkly green sweater over it and black jeans. Once I'm done dressing, I get started on my makeup and hair. I use lime green hair chalk on the tips of my hair and set it into spikes with my glitter gel. For my makeup, I use shimmering emerald eyeshadow, gold eyeliner, black mascara, and iridescent red lipgloss that’s flavored like punch.

  Alec smiles when I come in the living room.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  “I'm fine. Thanks for letting me sleep.”

  “You’re welcome. Are you looking forwards to this?”

  “Besides getting clothes, this is the first shopping trip I _want_ to go on.”

  “Where’s Jace?”

  Izzy’s sitting next to Alec, but I don’t see their brother anywhere.

  “He went to get a blood test,” Alec explains.

  “Oh. I really am sorry about it. I didn’t mean to make him sick,” I reply.

  “You don’t know if he’s positive or not. And it’s not your fault. He should’ve never done that.”

  After Jace gets back, the four of us head to Wal-Mart.

  “I still hate this,” Alec tells me, hooking my leash to the cart.

  “I do too,” I reply, placing my crutches in the cart.

  I limp beside him slowly. Everything is snagging my attention. There’s so many different things I never saw before and so many noises. It’s louder than any place I’ve been in before, even the pound.

  “The Christmas stuff is all the way back here. If there’s anything else you wanna look at, we can,” Alec tells me.

  We get a pre-lit tree that’s almost as tall as I am before moving to get ornaments.  Alec and Isabel are a few feet away, looking at some. Jace is standing next to me. He looks really upset and depressed.

  “When will you find out your results?” I ask quietly.

  “Next week,” he replies.

  “I hope you don’t have it.”

  He laughs bitterly.

  “Shut up, cat. I know you think I deserve it,” he tells me.

  “No, I don’t. The only nice thing about it is Ragnor might have it too,” I reply.

  He doesn’t say anything.

  “Baby, what do you think of these?” Alec asks, showing me some really cute kitten ornaments.

  “I like those,” I reply, smiling.

  “Did you find any you liked?”

  I show him the tubes of glass ornaments I like. One has black ornaments with gold glitter. One has white with blue glitter. One has light blue with pink glitter.

  “I like those. Do you wanna get them? We need a topper and garland. Or do you want just ornaments?” Alec says.

   “Okay. The garland’s up to you,” I reply, placing the tubes in the cart.

  “I don’t really care for it myself, but it’s up to you guys. Jace, do you see any you want?”

  Jace shakes his head. He doesn’t look a bit happy. And it’s my fault.

  “Is there anything else you guys wanna look at?” Alec asks.

  Izzy and Jace head off in separate directions.

  “Thanks for bringing me with you,” I murmur, touching Alec’s hand gently.

  “No problem. Anything you wanna look at?” he replies.

  “Besides you?”

  He blushes adorably.

  “Besides me,” he says.

  “Books or movies?” I ask.

  I don’t buy anything, but it’s nice to be with him.

  After we get done shopping, we stop at Alec’s old house so Jace and Izzy can get their stuff.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with Jace living with us?” Alec asks.

  “I'm okay with it. I don’t trust him, but I can get along with him. Besides, he’s your brother,” I reply, smiling.

  “I just don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to live with him.”

  I kiss his cheek lightly. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to how considerate he is.

  When we get back to the apartment, Alec, Izzy, and I put up the Christmas tree. Jace is sulking in his room for some reason.

  “Thanks for letting us move in,” Izzy says, smiling gratefully.

  We had discussed it last night and decided to move them in _before_ things got worse.

  “No problem,” Alec replies.

  It’s nice covering the tree with ornaments. I like being able to spend more time with Alec and his siblings.

  While Alec showers tonight, I'm curled up on the couch with a mug of hot cocoa and a blanket while I watch TV. Izzy’s doing whatever it is girls do. Jace is lounging on the other end of the couch.

  “Did you make Alec sick too?” he asks quietly.

  “No. Look, Jace, I didn’t even know I was positive until now. The other vet never told us,” I reply.

  He glares at me angrily.

  “I don’t believe you, cat,” he growls.

  “I'm not lying. I wouldn’t lie about something like that, especially not to Alec,” I reply.

  “If I’d known you were sick, I wouldn’t have helped you.”

  “Alec would’ve never forgiven you.”

  “I’d buy him a new pet.”

  “He loves me.”

  “So? You’re disease-ridden.”

  “At least he didn’t have me killed like anyone else would’ve!”

  I never raise my voice. Ever. But this really hurt.

  “What’s going on?” Alec asks.

  “You’re not gonna do anything about him giving me HIV?” Jace replies.

  “You don’t even know if you’re positive. It’s _your_ fault because you were the one that couldn’t keep it in your pants and attacked him. I don’t feel sorry for you.”

  Jace looks like he wants to hit one of us.

  “You touch him and it’ll be the last move you ever make,” Alec warns, slipping between us.

  “I'm going out. Not sure when I’ll be back,” Jace replies, stalking out of the apartment.

  “I'm sorry,” I offer once Jace leaves.

  “Why’re you sorry? You didn’t do it,” Alec replies.

  “I was talking to him about it earlier. I asked when his results would be in and said I hoped he didn’t have it. The only person I’d wish it on is Ragnor because he sucks at being a human being.”

  “Magnus, you were trying to be nice. Why’d you ask about his results?”

  “Talking usually helps. And I wanted him to know I don’t particularly hate him right now.”

  “Thanks for trying to help. I know he’s upset about it, but he doesn’t need to take it out on you. I’ll try to talk to him tonight. I love you.”

  I think I might be falling for Alec. Or maybe I fell a long time ago and just now realized it. I’ve never met anyone as amazing as him. He’s genuinely caring. And loving. He can be so incredibly shy and it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. He’s more innocent than I’ve ever been, which makes it even more surprising that he wants someone like me.


	19. Alec

  Jace comes home around midnight. Magnus is probably asleep.

  “Keep the cat away from me,” Jace warns.

  I had been hoping for a better start than this. I hoped Jace and I might be able to reach an understanding.

  “Magnus lives here too. I know you’re upset. I get that. But it isn’t _his_ fault. We’re both willing to listen if you wanna talk. Don’t take it out on Magnus,” I reply evenly.

  “You both knew he was positive earlier, didn’t you?”

  “No, we didn’t. His last vet never informed us.”

  Jace swears angrily.

  “I'm not lying to you, Jace. I'm not a liar,” I tell him.

  The anger in Jace’s amber eyes borders on hate.

  “Like I said, keep him away from me,” he snarls, stalking towards his room.

  All I wanted was to patch things up. Instead, they’re even more screwed up than before.

  Magnus smiles up at me happily when I walk in our bedroom. He’s reading.

  “It didn’t go well, did it?” he asks.

  “It went horrible. I'm sorry, baby,” I reply, sitting on the bed.

  “What happened?”

  “Um, he wants you to stay away from him.”

  “He didn’t believe you either.”

  “I'm sorry, baby.”

  I take his hand gently in mine.      

  “I wasn’t trying to mess things up between you,” he mumbles.

  “I know. I wanted to defend you,” I reply.

  “Maybe it’ll be better in the morning.”

  He’s wrong. It’s worse.

  “Do you want me to help with breakfast?” Magnus asks sleepily.

  “No, I can do it,” I reply.

  “You’re gonna try to reason with him, aren’t you?”

  “If I can.”

  I lock the door behind me before going to the kitchen.

  Jace is already cooking.

  “Do you want some help?” I offer.

  “Go play with your pet,” he replies.

  “Jace, can we at least talk? Without you being a snippy butt?”

  “He ruined my life, Alec. What don’t you get?”

  “That’s how he felt when you raped him. Jace, you don’t even know if you have it.”

  “You don’t wanna know what will happen if I do.”

  “If you hurt him, I _will_ end you. I'm not dealing with someone breaking him apart, especially when he’s starting to get better.”

  Jace simply rolls his eyes.

  “And I'm not making him stay cooped up in the bedroom all day because you’re being a jerk,” I inform him.

  “That’s where he belongs, isn’t it?” Jace asks.

  “ _What_ did you say?”

  “You’ve probably gotten it on by now. Isn’t that what he’s for?”

  I'm very close to punching him. I don’t realize how close until it actually happens. It turns into an all-out fight between the two of us until Izzy and Magnus break us apart.

  I'm not sure if I'm more shocked by my own behavior or Jace’s. I do know I'm staring at him like he’s a stranger. After the way he’s treated Magnus, he sorta is. I never thought he’d be capable of the things he’s put my boyfriend through.

  “Jace, I'm not dealing with you acting like this. When I go back to work, I'm gonna have to worry about Magnus all the time if you’re here,” I say.

  I hate kicking my brother out. But I'm past done.

  “I saved his life. Doesn’t that get me anything?” Jace responds.

  “You told him you wouldn’t have stopped that psycho if you knew Magnus was sick. So, no, it doesn’t.”

  “I'm your brother.”

  “You’re not acting like it. I don’t even know you anymore, Jace. You’re gonna have to leave until you get over this and can be nice to Magnus without me having to babysit you. I'm not letting anyone talk about him the way you have.”

  “So you’re picking me over the slut? Admit it, Alec. That’s what he is.”

  Magnus has started growling quietly. I really don’t need or want him getting in a fight with Jace. One toe out of line from Mags will be the only excuse Jace needs to hurt him. And I'm not risking it.

  “That was out of his control. Get your stuff and get out. I'm not playing,” I tell Jace firmly.

  “Look who finally grew a pair.”

  With that, he stalks off.

  “Are you okay?” Magnus asks worriedly once Jace leaves the room.

  “I'm fine. I'm sorry,” I reply, smiling.

  “Why’re you sorry?”

  “Because I threw the first punch.”

  I turn my attention to what used to be food and is now charcoal. Thankfully, it’s not smoking horribly, but we still have to open windows and use a fan.

  “Pick a place and we’ll get the food,” I tell Izzy.

  I don’t want Magnus in the same apartment as Jace, even if Jace is supposed to be leaving.

  Ten minutes later, Magnus and I are on our way to Hardee’s to pick up breakfast.

  “I'm sorry you saw me lose my temper,” I tell him.

  “What happened that made you snap anyway?” he asks.

  “He suggested that I bought you for sex. And that you belonged in the bedroom.”

  “I would’ve punched him too.”

  “I wish I’d settled it a different way.”

  “You went with what you thought of at that moment.”

  I really do hate the way Jace has treated my boyfriend. I hate that I ever trusted Jace enough to let him move in, but things were okay between he and Magnus when he moved in. I hate I got in a fistfight with my brother, but, like Magnus said, I went with what I thought of at that point in time to defend my boyfriend. I hate I was reckless and impulsive because I was angry. I could’ve hurt someone besides Jace. What if I accidentally hurt Magnus or Izzy?

  “Earth to Alec!” Magnus says, waving his hand in front of my face.

  I jerk back to reality. His golden eyes sparkle with amusement.

  “What were you saying, Mags?” I ask.

  “We’re here,” he replies.

  The Hardee’s is pretty packed with people getting breakfast before work.

  “Are we gonna be okay with you not working?” he asks.

  “I'm allowed to take leave if you get sick or injured. We’re gonna be okay. I'm getting paid to take care of you,” I tell him.

  “What do you want for Christmas? I’ve never bought anyone presents before.”

  “There’s a couple things I want, but anything you get me will be fine.”

  Jace’s ex, Clary, is the cashier. Her warm smile makes me feel better. I wasn’t sure how she felt about hybrids.

  “Hey, Alec. Is this Magnus? Izzy told me you were dating a neko,” she says.

  “Yeah. We’ve been together almost four months,” I tell her.

  “I’d love to sketch him sometime. He’s really pretty.”

  Magnus beams at the compliment.

  He asks for a Monster biscuit and a vanilla milkshake. I get Izzy her sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit before ordering myself a breakfast burrito.

  It’s starting to snow when we step outside the restaurant. Magnus seems really excited to see it.

  “When was the last time you saw snow?” I ask gently.

  “A really long time,” he replies.

  “If you feel like it, we could make snow angels later. Or go Christmas shopping.”

  “Christmas shopping.”

  He sticks his tongue out to try catching snowflakes. Just when I think he can’t get any cuter, he does something like this. He grins when he finally catches one.

  “Do you know what you want me to get you?” I ask.

  “Anything you get me will be perfect,” he tells me.

  Three hours later, we’re at the mall. Izzy’s looking for something for Simon. Magnus is looking at makeup and nail polish. I'm watching Magnus. I’ve found a body spray for Izzy.

  “Do you want me to get you some makeup?” I ask.

  I plan on getting him several presents since this is his first real Christmas.

  “If you want,” he replies shyly.

  I'm out of my depth, but it isn’t as bad as the time Izzy took me in Victoria’s Secret. It was before I came out and she wanted me to have a general idea of what girls liked for when I got a girlfriend. I still have nightmares. She’d said it’d take five minutes and all she was getting was body spray. Nope. Two hours and three bags later, we left the store.

  I find several tubes of flavored lipgloss I think he might like on the bottom shelf. I know he favors lipgloss over lipstick. I also find an eyeshadow that matches his gorgeous eyes perfectly on the rack above the lipgloss.

  “What do you think?” I ask, showing him the makeup.

  “Is the lipgloss your way of saying you wanna make out?” he smirks.

  “Maybe. Do you like them?”

  “I do. Um, I don’t really see anything else I want.”

  “Where do you wanna go after this?”

  “Wherever you want. I wanna know what you want for Christmas.”

  “I told Izzy what to get me. I want you to get me whatever you want.”

  I'm curious to see what he’ll get me. I have a bad feeling his idea of a Christmas present is gonna mean clothes-shopping. He thinks I need clothes that haven’t had holes or rips. I don’t like getting new clothes, even if it’s a gift.


	20. Magnus

I lead Alec to Kohl’s. I wanna get him at least one new outfit.

  “Where do you wanna go after this?” I ask, looking for something cute in his size.

  “Not sure. You wanna just wander around?” he replies.

  He looks horribly uncomfortable.

  “Sounds good. What do you think of this?” I murmur, pointing to a light blue t-shirt.

  There’s no glitter or anything. I know he prefers plain shirts to the kind I wear.

  “I’ll try it. They won’t break your fingers in here, will they?” he says, taking the shirt from the rack.

  “Never been in here before, darling,” I reply.

  I’ve never used a pet name with him before. I don’t even know if he wants me to.

  “Just when I think you can’t possibly get any cuter, you prove me wrong,” he whispers, smiling.

  I pick out a pair of black skinny jeans for him to try on too. I think they’ll really show off his legs.

  After picking out a few more things, we go to a dressing room. I turn my back to him and stare at the floor while he changes. I find Alec attractive on every level I know of, but I also respect him.

  “What do you think?” he asks.

  I turn to face him slowly. He doesn’t look any more comfortable than he did shopping.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  “How do you handle wearing skinny jeans? I feel like I can’t move,” he replies.

  “I'm used to wearing tight pants; that’s what I wore whenever he wanted me to wear clothes. Not your thing? You look hot, though.”

  “Not my thing.”

  “What about the cargo pants?”

  They’re more to his liking.

  “It actually looks really good,” he murmurs, looking in the mirror.

  I lean in and kiss his cheek softly.

  “Did you see anything else?” he asks.

  “I think I'm done holding you hostage,” I tell him.

  “Oh, thank God.”

  We find wrapping paper while we’re in Kohl’s, which is good because we forgot it earlier.

  After we get done with Kohl’s, he takes me to Spencer’s. The first thing I see is a gay pride bracelet.

  “Can I get one?” I ask.

  He takes it from the rack for me. I'm afraid of getting fingers broken if I touch it.

  “Thanks,” I murmur.

  I notice we stay towards the front of the store. I don’t know why.

  We probably would’ve gotten out of there sooner if I hadn’t discovered the Manic Panic hair dye or the fake body jewelry.

  “Can I get some of this?” I ask.

  “What ones do you want? If you use Manic Panic, you have to bleach your hair. Izzy bought it one time,” he replies.

  I end up with eight different piercings.

  “What’s in the back?” I ask.

  “They sell stuff that might make us both uncomfortable,” he tells me.

  It doesn’t take very long for his meaning to sink in. It wouldn’t really bother me, to be honest. It was my life for so long it just became normal.

  “I'm used to that stuff. Why would it bother me?” I mumble.

  “They sell whips. I know he beat you,” he whispers.

  “I should be okay if you wanna look.”

  “Do you?”

  I nod slowly. I want to prove to myself I'm stronger than what Ragnor did. Alec tells me I'm brave or strong because I'm still sane after what happened to me, but I don’t feel brave or strong.

  He holds my hand gently as we go to the back part of the store.

  “If you start getting scared, just say the word,” he murmurs.

  None of the whips are like what he used on me, but it still makes me a little nervous.

  “Do you want me to take you away from here?” he asks gently.

  “I'm just a little nervous. It’s not like the haunted house,” I reply.

  “Magnus, do you wanna look at something else?”

  “It might be a good idea. Can I ask something?”

  “What’s up?”

  “Why’d you pick me? Out of all the hybrids there, why me? I'm not complaining.”

  “Because you were the one that needed the most love. There was something about you I instantly liked. Plus, I thought you were cute.”

  “Even when you knew what I was? Alec, how was I cute? I was skin-and-bones.”

  “Even then. You just were. Especially with those eyes. You just got cuter when you got up to a normal weight.”

  “I was hoping you’d adopt me. You seemed really nice. I thought you were cute too."

  We leave the store ten minutes later. We leave the mall after I buy Izzy a present.

  “Wanna wrap these after we get home?” Alec asks.

  I agree eagerly. It doesn’t matter what it is, I love doing it with him.

  “Have they said when the trial is?” I ask.

  “January 3rd.”

  “That’s a little over a month.”

  The thought of seeing the man who made my life utter hell makes my stomach twist. I know Alec won’t make me go, but I need to prove to myself I'm not weak. Just like earlier in the mall.

  I have fun wrapping presents with him.

  “You know what, Alec?” I say, leaning back on my elbows.

  I'm starting to get a little stiff from staying in the same position. I feel something in my back pop when I stretch out like this. For right now, this is pretty comfy. If I didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t stay in this position; I know it makes things easier if he wants to cop a feel. But Alec isn’t like that. He’s better than all of that. Better than my wildest dream.

  “What?” he replies, moving his eyes from the bare strip of skin visible from my shirt riding up my stomach.

  “You’re like an early birthday and Christmas present combined,” I reply.

  He leans in and kisses me softly.

  “I think I might be falling for you,” I murmur, resting my forehead against his.

  I’ve never seen him so happy. I wish I had told him sooner, but I wanted to be sure I really felt something for him. I never knew love would be this wonderful.

  My fingers fumble for a moment before I find a bow. I peel the backing off before pressing it gently to Alec’s black hair.

  “ _Now_ you look like a Christmas present,” I grin, kissing him playfully.

  “What am I gonna do with you?” he sighs, smiling at me.

  “Love me and spoil me.”

  “I'm starting to see the cat genes.”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “Again, cat genes. Humans don’t give death glares like cats do,” he tells me.

  “You have a point there,” I reply.

  If I didn’t have broken ribs and a sore back, I’d probably tackle him and show him how ‘fierce’ I am while I pepper his face with kisses.

  “What’re you thinking?” he asks.

  “Showing off my fierceness,” I reply.

  “I don’t know if I wanna know what you’re talking about.”

  “Too sore to try it.”

  I take his hand lightly. I can’t imagine life getting any better than it is right now. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.


	21. Alec

I never thought Magnus would come this close to an ‘I love you’. When we first started dating, I’d have settled happily for an ‘I really like you’.

  “Did you have fun?” I ask, watching as his deft hands wrap another package.

  “I always have fun with you, darling. Unless it’s grocery shopping,” he replies.

  “No one likes grocery shopping. I'm glad you had fun today.”

  “Do I make shopping interesting?”

  “You make life in general interesting. At least you have some common sense, though.”

  “Did Jace make it interesting too?”

  There’s an edge to his voice I haven’t heard before. His golden eyes harden just a fraction.

  “Not like you do. Jace is…reckless. Unpredictable. You’re fun and spontaneous. You make me laugh. Are you jealous?” I reply, rubbing my foot gently against his.

  “I thought maybe—Were you guys ever together?” he asks.

  “No. He doesn’t know I had feelings for him. You’re my first.”

  He seems genuinely shocked by that.

  “I thought someone would’ve gone for you. You’re sexier than you think,” he informs me, all traces of jealousy gone.

  “Magnus, on what planet am I sexy?” I ask.

  “On my planet.”

  He pets my foot with his own fuzzy leopard-print sock one. It feels really weird on my bare foot.

  “I miss my tail,” he murmurs sadly.

  “I miss it too, but at least you still have part of one,” I reply, stretching.

  “Am I gonna have to testify at the hearing?”

  His answer’s cut off by Izzy yelling at me to turn on the news.

  “They made gay marriage legal. What could have her so excited?” I mumble, obeying.

  What I see is the best news I’ve ever gotten. Instead of hybrid cruelty only being a crime in the case of assaulting someone else’s hybrid, it’s now a crime no matter who the hybrid belongs to. The law change goes into effect on January 1st.

  “This is great!” I shout, moving to hug Magnus tightly.

  “Ow! You’re gonna break me,” he groans, pushing me away gently.

  “Sorry. Your ribs or your back? I think he might be able to be charged for the hell you went through.”

  “Both. You’re forgiven. That only happens if I testify or the videos are used, right?”

  “Do you want me to rub your back? Yeah. It’s your choice, and I’ll respect it. You’re really worried about it, aren’t you?”

  “That sounds good. If he doesn’t go to prison, he’ll kill me.”

  “I’d leave the country with you if he got out. I’d change both our names. Whatever I need to keep you safe.”

  By the time we’re done wrapping presents, his back is really hurting him. I think a lot of it was from walking so much.

  “Go ahead and lay down, baby. I’ll be in with your food in a minute,” I murmur.

  He grimaces when he gets up.

  He’s lying on his stomach with his head on his hands when I come in with his protein shake. He’s stripped off his glittery sweater. His caramel skin is littered with fading bruises from the assault. He looks so much better since I first adopted him; the nubs of his spine don’t jut out painfully and just the outline of his ribcage is visible.

  “Hey, darling. I think this is where I'm gonna be staying for a while,” he tells me.

  “Do you need pain medicine?” I ask.

  “It’s around a six. I think I can wait.”

  “Your six is probably my ten. Do you want lotion or do you want oil?”

  I bought lavender oil for both of us to use in our bathwater if we’re stressed out.

  “Oil sounds better,” he murmurs.

  He’s watching me nervously.

  “I’ll stay right beside you, okay?” I say, rubbing a mix of almond and lavender oil on my hands.

  There’s no way I'm getting near his butt when he was raped a week ago.

  “However it’s easier for you,” he tells me.

  “Where’re you sorest?” I ask.

  “My whole back.”

  He jerks when I place my hands gently on his shoulders. His ears flicker uneasily at the contact.

  “You’re safe. I didn’t mean to scare you,” I murmur soothingly, kneading his tense muscles.

  He whimpers softly as his muscles gradually unknot. He’s starting to purr. He’s beginning to melt against me.

  “Now I see why people hire a masseuse,” he groans.

  “Glad you’re enjoying it,” I reply, smiling.

  I'm really glad he trusts me enough to allow this. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he didn’t want me touching him like this.

  “You can rub a little harder,” he mumbles.

  He makes a soft noise in the back of his throat when I comply. I like hearing how good the backrub feels.

  By the time I'm done, he’s lying there limply. He looks very relaxed.

  “Better?” I ask.

  “Much better. If the videos and my testimony will help, I’ll do it,” he replies.

  “If you’re comfortable doing it. I love you, and I want you to be sane. Well, as sane as someone obsessed with glitter and fuzzy socks can be.”

  “Glitter is a wonderful thing, Alec.”

  “What bothers you most about the trial?”

  “Seeing him. Remembering what happened. Being treated like a dumb animal. Everyone knowing what I was and hearing how horrible he is. If he has another neko, will you help it?”

  I hate the fear in his voice from just talking about it. If talking about it scares him, what’s the trial gonna do?

  “Are you gonna be okay to see him? I can’t protect you from your memories, but I can protect you from him. And I will. You don’t have to testify. I can tell them the condition you were in both when I adopted you and after the attack. You can also address him and tell him exactly what you think of him,” I say.

  “I don’t know. They probably don’t allow that sort of language in a courtroom,” he mumbles.

  “I doubt you’ll be allowed to cuss him out. Do you know what you wanna say?”

  “That he’s a worthless piece of crap and I hope he rots in hell.”

  If he’s allowed to address Ragnor, it will be the only time he can stand up for himself to the…man without being punished later. I want him to have the chance to give Ragnor a piece of his mind. After ten years of torture, Magnus more than deserves the opportunity. And I’ll be there to protect Magnus if the trial ends horribly.

  _There’s one more thing he needs for Christmas. I’ll make the call tomorrow,_ I think sleepily, pulling my adorable boyfriend closer.


	22. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates. Life's been really crazy lately with work and my grandma being sick. I also self-published an e-book.

  Alec isn’t in the bed when I wake up in the morning. I don’t smell food or hear the shower, so I don’t know where he is. He might be doing homework, but why would he do it before breakfast?

  I slink out of our room hesitantly. From the hall, I hear Alec’s voice in the living room. He’s asking about how much some papers are. It doesn’t make any sense, no matter how long I listen in.

  I tiptoe into the kitchen to get something to eat. I'm so hungry my stomach hurts.  I grind up my pills and drop them into my yogurt smoothie. I hate the bitter way they make things taste, but I’d rather not die. I wait in the kitchen until he’s off the phone.

  “Good morning. Did I wake you?” he murmurs, kissing me sweetly.

  “No. Everything okay?” I reply.

  “Just getting you another present.”

  I don’t believe him. Why would he need papers for a Christmas present?

  “What is it?” I ask.                

  “I can’t tell you or it won’t be a surprise. It’ll be here tomorrow, okay? I think you’ll really like it,” he replies.

  He takes me to my vet appointment after I finish breakfast. I don’t really wanna go. I like Catarina, but I don’t wanna go anywhere today.

  “Good morning, Magnus. How’re you feeling?” Catarina chirps happily.

  “I didn’t wanna leave the apartment. Does that count?” I reply.

  “Not really. Are you having any problems?”

  “No. I hurt last night, but we’d done a crapton of walking. My jaw isn’t that sore, but I’ve had a broken jaw before.”

   _And almost starved to death because no one bothered giving me food once I was able to come home,_ I add silently.

  “Has your relationship changed since your diagnosis?” she asks.

  “Things are still amazing,” I reply, smiling.

  “We’ll know in a couple hours about the results.”

  I'm glad when we get home. It means I get more time with Alec without distractions. Until his phone rings. From the anger on his gentle, handsome face, I don’t need to ask who it is because it’s either his mother or Jace.

  “What do you want?” he asks.

  He’s quiet for a moment. The hand on his thigh clenches into a fist.

  “Stay away from me and Magnus. You had no right doing that to him! No, you’re just being the same psychopath I grew up with. I don’t give a crap about that. I love him. What don’t you get about that?! I'm pressing charges. You almost killed my boyfriend. Don’t call me again,” he snarls, hanging up.

  He’s so angry he’s shaking.

  “My wonderful mother set you up,” he mumbles, dialing a number.

  I'm not really surprised. I knew she hated me. I knew she didn’t approve of Alec being gay or of him saying he loved me. But I didn’t think she’d sink _that_ far.

  “My name’s Alec Lightwood and I need to press charges against my mother before she hires a hit on my boyfriend. My boyfriend’s a neko, and she had his last owner come after him and my boyfriend would’ve been killed by him had my brother not stepped in. Ragnor Fell. I just now learned of my mother’s involvement. Maryse Lightwood. Yes, she’s the same one. Thank you so much, Officer,” Alec says, giving them our address before hanging up.

  I don’t like seeing him upset like this.

  “Why’d she do it?” I ask.

  “She told Ragnor some crap story about me not wanting you and how he could steal you back. The assault was all him, but she encouraged the idea in his head to pursue you,” he sighs angrily.

  I rub his back gently. I want him to feel better.

  “I'm sorry she’s treating you like crap. She needs to realize she has a very amazing son,” I murmur, kissing his cheek.

  “I'm not bothered by what she does to me. It’s what she does to you that upsets me,” he replies.

  “Any way I can make you feel better?”

  “Unless you know someone wanting to adopt a gay eighteen-year-old who has a neko boyfriend, I doubt it.”

  “Pretty sure the ‘neko boyfriend’ would be a deal-breaker. No matter how amazing I am.”

  “And I thought you weren’t conceited.”

  “I'm not conceited. I'm convinced…that I'm amazingly adorable.”

  He’s laughing at me. As long as it makes him feel better, I don’t care.

  “Do think I can take my GED after the trial?” I ask.

  “Probably. How much homework do you have left?” he replies.

  “Not much. Right now, I'm not worried about it. I just wanna get past this drama with Ragnor.”

  His phone rings before he can reply. It’s Catarina with the results of my blood test. The medicine is working well enough I probably won’t be on it after the beginning of the year.

  “At least something’s going right,” he mumbles.

  “You still have me,” I murmur, crawling into his lap.

  I nestle my head against his neck and play gently with his hair. His hair feels like silk against my fingertips. He touches my cheek gently. I love how gentle he is with me.

  “No one ever touched me like you do,” I whisper.

  It’s true. Before Alec, touch meant pain or sex. So, technically, it just meant pain. No one cared if they hurt me or if the contact scared me. But he’s the opposite. I never knew love made a difference.

  “It took some getting used to, didn’t it?” he asks.

  “So did you wanting me to wear clothes. I thought at first I disgusted you,” I admit.

  “No. You were far from disgusting to me, even when you were so underweight.”

  I smile at his words.

  “I never had someone respect me the way you do. I was taught hybrids don’t deserve respect,” I murmur.

  “How did they treat you at the pound?” he asks.

  “Some of them were less crappy. I wasn’t there that long, though. Are you gonna try becoming a vet?”

  “I'm thinking about it. It’d be more money. But I might not get to see you as often.”

  “And you wanna atone for what your parents did.”

  He nods.

  “If you want my opinion, I think you’ve already more than made up for it,” I inform him.

  He sighs when the doorbell rings. It’s a very drenched Jace. He looks like crap. He smells like he’s slept in a Dumpster.

  “What do you think you’re doing here?” Alec asks quietly.

  “I have HIV. Mom kicked me out,” Jace replies.

  “You’re not staying here. You treated Magnus like crap.”

  “Alec, come on! I’ve been on the streets since I left here. I’ll make up with the cat.”

  I don’t trust Jace. At all. I’d rather chew off what’s left of my tail than spend five minutes alone with him. He also saved my life and is Alec’s brother. I know family is important to Alec.

  “Magnus, do you want to speak with Jace? I understand if you would rather not,” Alec says gently.

  “What is there to say?” I reply.

  “I'm sorry, alright?” Jace says.

  “You did everything but call me a whore. I never was a whore. I was a psychopath’s toy. The only reason I’d ever be okay with you living here is because you’re Alec’s brother and I know his family’s important to him,” I tell Jace evenly.

  “I’ll be your personal servant if you’ll let me stay. I’ll wear a French maid dress.”

  I can’t hold back my laughter at the thought of Jace in drag.

  “I like the idea of making you wait on me hand and foot. If you want my forgiveness, you have to earn it,” I tell him.

  “What do you want me to do?” Jace asks.

  He’s beginning to sound a little desperate.

  “You gonna take your anger out on me again?” I ask.

  “Already got that out of my system,” Jace replies, showing us his battered knuckles.

  “What’d you hit?” Alec asks.

  “I punched my bedroom windows. And maybe a mirror. Or two. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

  “We’re gonna talk it over. Don’t move.”

  Alec shuts the door before leading me to the kitchen.

  “What do you think?” he asks.

  “I’d rather chew off the rest of my tail than be alone with him. I know he’s still your brother. If you want him here, I’ll deal. Besides, even though I don’t like him, I don’t want someone to freeze to death,” I reply.

  “I don’t wanna keep giving him chances. You’re the one he’s treated bad. You make the choice.”

  “One night, I guess. We’re supposed to have a blizzard, right?”

  “Tonight? Yeah.”

  “Nobody really deserves being out in a blizzard, I guess. I don’t want to. Why didn’t he go to a homeless shelter?”

  “We don’t have to. Because Jace thinks he’s unstoppable half the time.”

  “Does he have anywhere else to go?”

  Alec shakes his head.

  If I say no, Jace could freeze to death because there’s no guarantee he’ll go to a homeless shelter. If I say yes, he could be a major jerkwad again and he and Alec might get in another fight. Or I might snap on him.


	23. Alec

I want Magnus to make the choice in this. I don’t care what Jace does or says to me. I just don’t want him hurting Magnus a third time.

  “I really don’t want him here. I don’t trust him. But I don’t want someone to die either. If he froze to death because I dislike him, I'm a murderer,” Magnus mumbles.

  “It’s your decision,” I tell him.

  “I guess he can stay.”

  “He was serious about waiting on you, by the way.”

  “Oh, I know.”

  Jace looks beyond happy about being allowed to stay.

  “You didn’t bring clothes?” I ask.

  “Mom threw my stuff out,” he replies.

  “Help yourself to some of mine. After you shower. Why aren’t you in school?”

  “Suspended for getting into it with Sebastian.”

  “Jace! Can’t you behave for two seconds?!”

  “I’ve been here for two seconds.”

  “You know what I mean. How long are you suspended?”

  “Two weeks. It started the day after you kicked me out.”

  “Why’d you get into it with him?”

  “I didn’t like the way he dressed. What do you think, Alec?”

  “Do you still love her?”

  Sighing, Jace nods.

  “I'm gonna shower before you decide we need to do our nails and discuss failed romance,” Jace tells me, walking away.

  Magnus curls up in the armchair with a book and a blanket. He looks so cute! And very warm. He has no idea my grandma made the quilt for me, and, somehow, the sight of him curled up under it looks more like home than my parents’ house ever did.

  “Are you still jealous?” I ask.

  “He’s known you longer than I have,” Magnus mumbles.

  “But I'm not in love with Jace. I never really was, I think. Lust isn’t love.”

  He glares at the door when the doorbell rings again.

  I open the door to see my lawyer, Jia Penhallow, standing in the hall. She’s holding a manila envelope in one hand.

  “I thought you said the papers wouldn’t be done until tomorrow?” I whisper.

  “With the blizzard coming, I wanted to get them done early. They’re all I focused on today. You’re a friend of Aline and Helen,” she replies, holding the manila envelope out to me.

  “He’s gonna freak. Do you wanna come in for coffee?”

  She accepts my offer.

  Magnus is watching her warily over the top of his book.

  “Mags, this is Jia. She’s the lawyer handling our case. She’s who I was talking to this morning. Do you wanna see the papers?” I say, offering him the envelope.

  He opens it cautiously.

  “Is this a joke, Alec?” he asks.

  “No. I got you emancipation papers. You don’t have to wear a leash anymore. You’ll have more rights than you do now. And I can’t ever decide to put you up for adoption because you’ll belong to yourself. Is this something you want?” I reply.

  He’s looking at me like I'm an alien.

  “You’re not doing this because you don’t want me anymore, are you?” he asks.

  “No! I'm doing this because I love you. Have you ever heard the saying ‘If you love something, set it free?’ I want you to have more rights than you have now,” I reply.

  “Will I have the same rights you have? Like, voting and driving and shopping wherever I want?”

  “Legally, you’ll be recognized as a human,” Jia tells him, sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee.

  “Where do I sign?”

  He signs the papers hurriedly. I fasten the tag with ‘Emancipated’ engraved on the front onto his collar.

  “I still have to wear a collar?” he asks, his nose crinkling in disgust.

  “Once the papers are filed, you’ll get a photo ID and you won’t need your collar anymore. You’ll have to keep the ID visible at all times,” Jia informs us.

  “Lean down,” he whispers, squeezing my hand gently.

  Expecting him to kiss me, I do as he asks.

  “I love you, Alexander Lightwood. I’d go to the moon for you if you asked,” he murmurs.

  Now I'm the one staring. I have yet to understand how anyone could hurt someone as wonderful as Magnus. Maybe it only makes sense to psychopaths.

  “You have no idea how amazing you are. I love you,” I reply, stroking my thumb over his.

  _Anything he asks, I’ll try my best to do. Especially if it means getting another hybrid away from Ragnor,_ I decide, smiling at my adorable boyfriend.

  “Ragnor videotaped a lot of the abuse. It’s online. If you want or need to use the videos as evidence, it’s okay. If my testimony will help, I’ll do it,” Magnus mumbles.

  I don’t like the resignation in his voice. The scumbag made Magnus’s life living hell for ten years. Facing him in court will only be one more thing on the list of ways Ragnor tore Magnus apart.

  “Magnus, Alec told me a great deal about what you went through. If you don’t want to testify, you don’t have to,” Jia tells him.

  “Will it put him away?” Magnus asks.

  “It depends on the judge. They may decide to do nothing. Or they may put him away.”

  “I hate talking about it. I hate everything he did to me.”

  “You still have time to decide. I need to know by the last week of December. Can you write down the name of the website?”

  She leaves after getting the name of the website. Magnus isn’t trying to read. He’s simply staring at his blanketed feet.

  “You okay?” I ask gently.

  Swallowing, he nods. He’s not okay.

  “Do you want some hot chocolate?” I ask.

  “He’ll kill me next time, Alec.”

  “He won’t. Magnus, I’d fight to the death for you. What do you need me to do?”

  “Dunno. Thanks for setting me free.”

  “You’re welcome. What’s one thing you wanna do now that you can do almost whatever you want?”

  “Run down the street naked. Kidding, darling. You’re the only one I want ever seeing that. I wanna do everything.”

 “Between you and Jace, I'm gonna have a stroke or heart attack before I'm twenty.”

  But I wouldn’t trade Magnus for anything. Jace? Well, puppies are really cute. Or maybe a kitten to keep Mags company. Then again, he did save Mags. Izzy’s a keeper too.

  “But you love us,” Jace says from the hall.

  “Magnus, yes. You, sometimes,” I reply.

  His laughter’s the only answer I get.

  As long as things keep getting better and Jace doesn’t get stupid again, I’ll be a very happy man.


	24. Magnus

  Before Alec, I thought ‘I love you’ meant sex. That’s what it seemed to mean to Ragnor and his boyfriend, Raphael. I know what Alec and I have doesn’t mean that, which is nice since I can’t even think about him touching me down there.

  “Can I leave you two alone long enough to get a drink? Without needing to bury a body when I get back,” Alec says, moving from the arm of my chair.

  “We’ll be fine,” I tell him, squeezing his hand lightly.

  “You want anything while I'm up?”

  “I can get it.”

  Jace stretches out on the couch with Alec’s laptop.

  “Does the medicine make you sick too?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Seriously, why don’t you hate me?” Jace replies.

  “That’s reserved for the psychopath.”

  I really do hate Ragnor. I wish someone would make him feel the way I felt for ten years.

  “Do you want a milkshake or something? I don’t like owing people,” Jace says.

  “I'm good right now,” I reply, going back to my book.

  “Dude, I'm offering you servitude. Don’t waste it.”

  “I'm not. I just don’t want anything right now.”

  Alec comes in with coffee for himself and Jace.

  “I can get you a mug if you want it,” he offers.

  “I'm fine,” I reply.

  “Can I sit here?”

  He sits back down on the arm of the chair.

  “You can sit on my lap if you want. I'm comfier than the chair arm,” I murmur, touching his thigh gently.

  He gives me a surprised look. I try to keep my hands away from anywhere below his hips because I don’t want him to feel like I'm molesting him. I move my hand quickly.

  “You sure? You weren’t bothering me,” he replies, smiling.

  “When’s the trial? He is having a trial, right?” Jace asks once Alec’s settled on my lap.

  “January 3rd. I hope the demon spawn gets put away forever,” I mumble.

  “Do you know what you wanna say to him?” Alec asks.

  “I wanna throw it all back in his face. I want him to know how much everything he did hurts. I don’t want an apology. Apologies aren’t gonna fix anything.”

  _If I can even speak,_ I add silently, resting my forehead against Alec’s shoulder.

  “You don’t have to testify. If they use the videos, you might not have to,” Alec murmurs.

  “Is the entire courtroom gonna see them? I don’t wanna see them. Living them once was bad enough. What if I can’t say anything?” I reply.

  “I don’t know. They may. Write everything you wanna tell him down and I’ll give it to Jia in case you can’t. I won’t let him touch you.”

  “You saw how Alec freaked out on me. He did the same to Ragnor when he saw what happened to you. He turns into a Tasmanian Devil when someone screws with you,” Jace tells me.

  “You beat the crap outta Ragnor? I thought Jace did that.”

  “Jace helped,” Alec says.

   I jump when I hear the wind beginning to howl outside our apartment. It’s starting to rattle the windows.

  “It’s just the wind, cat,” Jace informs me.

  “I hate storms, okay? You try being alone, locked in a cage, and in the dark during them because I didn’t deserve being with the normal people if it was tornado or a blizzard. Because I didn’t deserve to live,” I reply, pinning my ears back.

  “Magnus, you’re not going in a cage. And I'm not leaving you alone,” Alec murmurs.

  By four, it’s horrible out. I'm really glad we aren’t going anywhere. So far, the lights are still on.

  “Wanna make a blanket fort and watch scary movies?” Izzy suggests.

  I’ve never seen, much less heard of, a blanket fort. I like building one with them. It turns into a pillow fight after just a few minutes. I’ve never been in a pillow fight before, but I like it. While Alec’s occupied, I swat his butt with my pillow. He yelps in surprise, making me laugh.

  “I'm gonna get you for that!” he growls playfully, turning to face me.

  “Bring it, darling,” I reply, grinning at him.

 He lunges for me, catches his toe, and ends up tackling me instead of smacking me with the pillow.

  “You know, being tackled isn’t usually thought of as romantic, but I guess this works,” I whisper.

  “Did I hurt you? I'm sorry. Magnus, you are one love-sick kitten, aren’t you?” he replies.

  “I’ll be fine. I stopped being a kitten when I was five. I am, however, love-sick.”

  He rolls off of me carefully.

  “If you’re done making out, can we build the fort?” Jace asks.

  “We weren’t—There was no—Build the fort,” Alec replies, flushing.

  “I love when you blush. You’re so cute!” I whisper, kissing Alec’s cheek.

  After we get the fort built, we put air mattresses inside it along with more blankets and our pillows. I feel safe lying here with my family.

  “How long until Christmas?” I ask, rubbing Alec’s back gently.

  “Twenty-five days. We usually give one present apiece out on Christmas Eve,” Alec replies.

  “Will I have my wires off by then?”

  “It’ll be a month on the 23rd, so you might.”

  I'm really looking forwards to being able to eat solid foods again. I miss biting into a cheeseburger.

  I fall asleep with my head on Alec’s shoulder after a couple movies. For the first time since I came home from the vet, I have nightmares all night. I'm grateful when morning comes. It’s freezing in the apartment by morning.

  Jace is cooking when I crawl out of the blanket fort. Whatever it is smells amazing. Lit candles line the counter.

  “Do you want help?” I ask.

  “No. You’re gonna have to get one of your drinks; there’s no electricity. I had to use matches to light the stove,” he replies.

  “Great.”

  “I know about the papers Alec got for you. I’ve never seen my brother this happy, so you better not break his heart.”

  “I have his and he has mine.”

  “You have whose what?” Alec asks, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “Your heart. You have mine,” I reply, leaning back against him.

  He squeezes me gently.

  “You’re shivering,” he murmurs.

  “I'm freezing. Do we have any hot water?” I reply.

  “No. We have no running water because there’s no electricity to pump it up here,” Jace informs me.

  “So we’re gonna be reeking in a few days,” Alec remarks.

  “I’ll love you even if you turn into a stinky hobo,” I murmur, kissing his jaw.

  “We’re inside, cat. We’re not gonna be hobos,” Jace says.

  “We’re still gonna smell like them.”

  I get a protein drink from the fridge and mix my pills in it. I'm gonna be so glad to be done with the pills.

  I love watching Alec and Jace together when they’re getting along. They remind me halfway of an old married couple and halfway of siblings. Alec’s clearly the voice of reason.

  “What’s your favorite Christmas memory, Alec?” I ask.

  “I don’t really have one yet. Unless you count trying to fish Church out of the tree. He knocked it over on Jace,” Alec replies.

  I find this extremely amusing.

  “What about you, Blondie?” I ask, biting down my laughter.

  “Toss-up between convincing Alec to play truth-or-dare and the time I spiked the eggnog without telling him or Izzy,” Jace tells me.

  “I'm never drinking again. What were you even thinking? Oh, wait, you weren’t.” Alec says.

  “I thought it’d be funny. And it sorta was until you puked on Church.”

  “Drunk Alec sounds very fun,” I remark.

  “No. I'm not even going out for my twenty-first,” Alec informs me.

  “Drunk Alec isn’t as fun as it sounds. He cries. A lot,” Jace tells me.

  “I wasn’t that bad.”

  “Yes, you were. Plus, you puke easy.”

  “Shut up, Jace.”

  “I was sober that night, so I remember the embarrassing stuff you did.”

  “Do you have any self-preservation? You’re annoying someone who has a knife.”

  “Could we play truth-or-dare?” I ask.

  “Maybe later,” Alec tells me.

  For once, I'm enjoying the aftermath of a storm. As long as we don’t freeze to death.


	25. Alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, guys. I've been working on other projects, including a sequel to this.

  Magnus looks so excited about playing truth-or-dare. There’s no way I could really deny him that.

  “Do you have any Christmas memories?” Jace asks.

  “None that I feel comfortable talking about,” Magnus replies.

  I'm worried Jace will push Magnus for info, but he doesn’t. Instead, he actually leaves it alone. There might be hope for my brother after all.

  “Keep the truth-or-dare PG, okay?” Alec says, taking his plate into the living room.

  “PG-13 might be interesting,” Jace replies.

  “Neither Magnus nor myself need to hear your perverted questions.”

  “You call it perverted. I call it sexually creative.”

  Amusement lights up Magnus’s eyes.

  “I'm used to porn-rated stuff,” Magnus says, sitting on my lap.

  ‘Sit’ might be the wrong word. He half-flops down like he owns me. The cat genes are sometimes blatantly obvious.

  “Am I your throne?” I ask.

  “Does that make you my prince?” he replies.

  “Maybe.”

  “Ready to start?” Jace asks.

  “I'm gonna regret this, but I guess,” I sigh.

  “I’ll keep it PG. Truth or dare, cat?”

  “Truth, I guess. Never played before,” Magnus replies.

  “Have you ever done drugs?”

  “No. Not planning on it, either.”

  Magnus picks me. I pick truth.

  “Who was your first kiss?” he asks.

  “You,” I reply.

  “I call bull,” Jace says.

  “I'm not you. I didn’t spend my time at school making out with people between classes. Truth or dare, Jace?”

  “Dare, of course. Think up something good.”

  “Hmm. I dare you to eat a slice of bread covered in Vaseline.”

  “Where’s the Vaseline?”

  “Medicine cabinet.”

  “I figured you’d have some under your bed.”

  “Go.”

  Laughing, he trots off to the bathroom.

  The grimace on Jace’s face when he eats the bread is priceless.

  “It’s like eating snot,” he informs me.

  “When did you eat snot?” I ask.

  “Just now. Truth or dare, cat?”

  “Dare,” Magnus tells him.

  “Keep your hands in Alec’s pockets. You can’t take them out until you both perform a dare.”

  “You _want_ to make this awkward, don’t you?” I ask.

  “It’s not awkward to me,” Magnus tells me.

  I can feel the cold from his hands through my thin pajama pants.

  “Truth or dare, darling?” Magnus asks.

  I pick truth. Truth is safe. He asks what my scariest nightmare is.

  “Before you, snakes dressed as clowns or clowns holding snake. Now, losing you. It varies in the how, but the end result never changes,” I tell him.

  “Aww. You’re adorable,” Magnus murmurs.

  “Truth or dare, Jace?”

  “Dare, of course,” Jace tells me.

  I dare him to paint each toenail and fingernail a different color. He has to keep the polish on for a week.

  “Did you Google dares?” he asks, placing the tote of Magnus’s nail polish on the coffee table.

  “Maybe. I'm actually enjoying this,” I reply.

  “You have a sadistic streak.”

  This time, Magnus picks truth when Jace asks.

  “Worst thing you ever did that no one ever found out about?” Jace asks.

  “Um, I guess stealing food from Ragnor’s kitchen. His boyfriend, who was as psychotic as he was, had a bag of granola in the cabinet, and I ate like three handfuls of it. Then I puked ‘cause it was too sweet and I hadn’t eaten in a while,” Magnus replies.

  Magnus dares me to put lipstick on him without using my hands. He stays perfectly still as I lean in to do this. As long as no one makes either of us jump, I’ll be fine, but I may swallow the tube of lipstick if I jump. I actually get it mostly on his lips.

  Izzy looks very confused to see Jace painting his nails when she crawls out of the blanket fort.

  “Truth-or-dare,” I explain.

  “Can I join?” she asks.

  “Sure. Hey, what other games can we play?” Magnus replies.

  “There’s board games. Never have I ever. I’ve never played it, but Jace has,” I answer.

  “I think we need a bottle to do this now,” Jace butts in, putting Magnus’s empty bottle on the coffee table.

  He spins it hard. It lands on Magnus, who picks dare.

  “I dare you to put peanut butter on your nose and let Alec lick it off,” Jace tells him.

  It’s beyond weird.

  I spin next and it lands on Jace. He actually picks truth.

  “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had happen?” I ask.

  “My foster parents’ house was haunted. Hearing footsteps outside your room when everyone else is asleep counts as weird in my book,” Jace replies.

  “Okay. Why didn’t you mention it sooner?”

  “Because it sounds crazy to me, and I'm the one it happened to.”

  Magnus lands the bottle on me. Curious as to what he’ll pick, I go with dare. He dares me to tie a cherry stem with my tongue. I accidentally swallow it instead of tying it.

  “Can any of you tie one?” I ask.

  Magnus is the only one who says ‘yes’.

  The game ends after Jace and Izzy make me puke. The dare was to drink a concoction the two of them mixed up. I don’t know what was in it, but it tasted worse than Izzy’s cooking.

  “Dude, we didn’t put anything _that_ bad in it,” Jace tells me while I'm puking.

  I don’t think it was entirely them. I wasn’t feeling that great when I woke up. The thought of possibly having the flu doesn’t make me feel better because, even though the meds are working, Magnus’s immune system is still crap right now.

  “Are you okay, darling?” Magnus asks, stroking my hair.

  “Not sure if I have the flu or if they poisoned me,” I reply, wiping my face with a washrag.

  By tonight, I'm vomiting a lot. I hate being sick, especially when it’s bad enough I need someone to take care of me. I hate asking for help. It’s even worse when I could easily make my boyfriend—who’s insisting on taking care of me—very sick.


	26. Magnus

                                                26

  I hate seeing Alec sick. He can’t eat anything without puking it back up. He’s thrown up on me twice.

  _At least he’s finally sleeping,_ I think, stroking his sweat-dampened hair gently.

  He whines in his sleep and kicks at the blankets.

  “I know you’re hot, baby. We gotta get your fever to break,” I murmur, rubbing his back.

  He had a fever of 102 last time we checked. He has me scared. I'm not sure what to do to help him; Ragnor shipped me off to someone else whenever he got sick. Jace and Izzy went to get him 7Up from the vending machine in the lobby.

  He jerks awake when Izzy and Jace come back. He’s soaked with sweat.

  “You’re okay. Did you have a bad dream? Are you still running a fever?” I murmur.

  “Magnus, I have a headache,” he replies.

  He looks miserable. He leans his head weakly against my shoulder.

  “I love you, gorgeous. Do you hurt anywhere?” I whisper.

  “Everywhere. Am I bothering you? You don’t have to hold me,” he murmurs.

  “I love holding you. Would a warm bath help?”

  He seems surprised when I run the bath water for him. I'm not doing it because he’s asking or because I think he’ll hurt me if I don’t. I'm doing it because I love him and I want him to know it.

  “Do you want a 7Up?” I ask.

  “Please. Will you stay with me so I don’t fall asleep?” he replies.

  “Of course.”

  He’s already in the water when I come back with his drink.

  “Do you want me to get you clean clothes?” I offer.

  “Magnus, you don’t have to wait on me. I can get my own clothes,” he replies.

  “I'm not really sure what to do with sick people.”

  “What you’re doing is fine. Thank you for staying with me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  This is the longest he’s gone without puking. I'm glad he’s not puking.

  “You don’t have to help me with the towel. Thanks for helping me, but you didn’t have to. I don’t want you to think I'm taking advantage of you. Plus, I don’t like being taken care of that much,” he murmurs.

  “Alec, the only way I’ve ever been taken advantage of is a way I know you’ll never do. I _want_ to take care of you. Before you, I never had that. I'm glad you’re trying not to freak me out,” I reply.

  I still haven’t looked at my wonderful boyfriend’s naked body. I love him, but I want to respect him in ways I never had before now.

  He pukes five seconds after he gets out of the bathtub. His blue eyes are bloodshot from where he’s busted some of the veins trying to puke.

  “I'm sorry,” he mumbles, staring at the mess he made on the floor.

  “It’s fine. Let’s get you dressed and warmed up, okay? I don’t really want an Alec-sicle,” I reply, helping him to our room.

  He curls in on himself the moment he sits on the bed.

  “Stomachache? Do you need help dressing when you’re ready?” I ask, stroking his hair gently.

  “It hurts to move,” he replies.

  Alec never complains about how he feels, so I know he’s very miserable.

  “When you’re ready, I’ll help you, okay? Do you want me to rub your stomach?” I offer.

  “Stomach rub sounds okay if you don’t press hard,” he murmurs.

  He whimpers softly when he lies on his back. I hate the small noise of pain.

  I never really paid attention to how firm and nice the muscles in Alec’s toned stomach feel. He has really soft skin.

  “Do you bathe in lotion or something?” I ask.

 He shakes his head. He’s clenching his jaw tightly as he swallows spastically. I grab him the trashcan without being asked. He can’t get anything up.

  “Do you need anything?” I ask once he’s done.

  “Can I just lay here for a while?” he replies.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  He’s curled up on his side in the fetal position when I come back from putting the trashcan in the bathroom.

  “You okay? Besides puking up your liver,” I say, stroking his arm gently.

  “I’ve had the flu before. I’ll be fine,” he mumbles.

  “Do you need anything? I could read to you if you wanted.”

  “I need to get dressed. If you want, you can.”

  “Do you need help?”

  He lets me help him. I can see the surprise in his eyes at my offer. It isn’t weird or awkward to help him like this.

  He doesn’t feel like going in the living room, so I lie on the bed with him.

  “Did you have any happy memories before I adopted you?” he asks.

  “Not really. I never saw my mother after I was five. She didn’t like me anyway. I was a symbol of her suffering,” I reply.

  “So you never had anyone love you?”

  “Nope. Everything I have with you is new to me.”

  “I'm sorry. Are you happy with me?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be? I'm not gonna latch onto the first person that gives a crap about me. I love you.”

  “I thought maybe you were faking.”

  “Nope. I'm not a liar. Or a fake. I am, however, irrevocably and unconditionally in love with you.”

  I might have never had love, unconditional or otherwise, but I'm determined to love him the way I never had.

  “You realize you basically quoted _Twilight_?” he asks.

  “You’re hotter than Edward Cullen could ever dream of being,” I reply, rubbing his back gently.

  He snuggles closer to me before he finally drifts off. I stay awake and watch him sleep. Even sick, he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I don’t understand why everyone else goes for Izzy and Jace when Alec is better than either of them. He’s the picture of innocence.

  He whines when I start to move and scoots against me. Smiling, I wrap my arms around him.

  I sneak out in the morning to make him breakfast in bed. He might not want spoiled, but he’s getting it anyway. I make him fruity oatmeal and orange juice.

  He’s sitting up in bed when I walk in with our breakfast. He looks less crappy.

  “Good morning, gorgeous. I made you oatmeal,” I tell him, smiling.

  “Thanks. You didn’t have to do this,” he replies.

  “I know. Power’s back on.”

  “Good. Did you sleep at all?”

  “Some. You feel better?”

  “A lot. Thanks for taking care of me. I'm sorry you had to.”

  “Alexander, how many times have you had to take care of me?”

  He strokes my face gently. I lean into his light touch.

  “If you didn’t go with the vet job, what are you wanting to do?” I ask.

  “I thought about going for creative writing,” he replies.

  “I think you’d be really good at it.”

  “Did you ever have a dream job?”

  “Yeah, but there was never a point in pursuing it.”

  “What was it?”

  “I wanted to work with hybrids like me. Rehabbing them.”

  Anyone else would call my dreams stupid.

  “That would be really great. If it’s something you really wanna do, go for it,” he tells me.

  “Thank you,” I murmur.

  “I’ll always support you, baby. It’s nice to eat without puking.”

  “How’d you get over it so fast?”

  “I think it’s the 24-hour flu. You’re not feeling sick, are you?”

  “No, I'm fine.”

  I kiss his forehead gently. He smiles at the caress.

  He feels well enough he’s able to go in the living room. He’s still in his pajamas.

  “Hey, Puke Machine,” Jace calls from the couch.

  “Ugh. I feel like all my guts are gone,” Alec replies, plopping down on the couch.

  “Felt like they were all there when I was rubbing your stomach,” I tell him.

  Alec rests his head on my shoulder. He still doesn’t look like he feels incredible.

  “Can I put my head in your lap? It’s okay if you’re not comfortable,” he murmurs.

  “Of course you can, darling. Are you cold? I really don’t want an Alec-sicle for a boyfriend,” I reply, rubbing his back gently when he lies down.

  “Yeah. You sure you’re okay with this?”

  He rests his hand on my knee. He’s making me far from uncomfortable.

  “I'm perfectly fine with this,” I assure him.

  “I’ll get him a blanket,” Jace offers.

  “Thanks. Baby, you want me to read to you or anything?”

  “No, it’s okay. Just cuddles.”

  He sighs happily when I wrap the fleecy blanket around him.

  “Where’s Izzy?” Alec asks.

  “She found out Clary lives in this building, so she went to visit. I wasn’t invited,” Jace replies.

  “When has being uninvited ever stopped you? Don’t go to the apartment; I really don’t need anyone getting arrested for trespassing.”

  “You have a very good point. Remember when I got grounded for crashing Sebastian’s party?”

  “You should not find that amusing.”

  “It was hilarious.”

  “No, Jace, it wasn’t. You threw up everywhere. You tried making out with your reflection.”

  “It’s still funny. The hangover sucked.”

  “And I refused to feel sorry for you.”

  “Have you ever been drunk, cat?”

  “No. It’s not really on my to-do list.”

  “Hybrids can drink, right?”

  “Jace, don’t get him drunk. Please. One person puking is enough,” Alec tells him.

  “Dude, I think he’d be a blast! True love is sharing the toilet while you both puke.”

  “If Magnus wants to try it, that’s his choice. But I hold you responsible for giving it to him.”

  “I don’t wanna try it,” I tell them.

  The last thing I want is to get drunk and have Alec angry with me for something I don’t even remember. Or for him to hate me. We’ve had discussions about things, but we’ve never gotten into a yelling or screaming fight over stuff. I really don’t want us to ever be that angry with each other. I mean, yeah, we’ve walked away from each other until we could talk it over like adults, but we never raised our voices. I never want to raise my voice to him, and I’ll probably have an anxiety attack if he yells at me. Plus, I know how mean drunks can get and I don’t want to ever treat Alec cruelly.

  “Not everyone turns into a rapist drunk,” Jace reminds me.

  “I don’t wanna do anything to ever hurt Alec,” I reply, trailing my hand down his side.

  Smiling, I think back to when he was holding me almost the same way. I never thought we’d end up here, but I'm very glad we did.

  “Alec, what’re the marriage laws for hybrids?” I ask.


	27. Alec

                                                          27

  _Is the fever making me hear things or did Magnus just ask me if I wanted to marry him?_ I ask myself silently.

  “I don’t know. Hand me my phone and I’ll see,” I tell Magnus.

  He rubs my back as I search Google for the answer. Emancipated hybrids are allowed to marry, which is surprising.

  “Because you’re being emancipated, you can marry whoever you want,” I say.

  “Really? I didn’t think hybrids were allowed to,” he murmurs.

  “Mom’s gonna love that,” Jace mumbles.

  “She wouldn’t be invited,” I inform him.

  The day I let my mother around Magnus again is the day I have a snowball fight with the devil.

  “You’re not even gonna tell her?” Jace asks.

  “Why should I? She practically put a hit out on Mags,” I reply.

  “ _She_ did that?”

  I nod.

  “On a lighter note, how’d you know I was quoting _Twilight_? It doesn’t seem like your kind of book,” Magnus remarks.

  “I wanted to know why Izzy was so into it. I never really did get the big deal about it,” I explain.

  “I never read the books. I saw snippets of it when Ragnor and his boyfriend watched it.”

  “Were they using you?”

  “No, I kept passing out from the beating he gave me.”

  I rub his knee gently.

  “I'm sorry,” I murmur.

  He makes an annoyed sound in the back of his throat. He might not like me apologizing for the abuse he suffered, but I really am sorry he went through everything he did.

  By tonight, I'm feeling a lot better. I'm able to eat without puking. The best thing is Magnus isn’t feeling sick.

  “Were you serious about marrying me?” I ask, leaning back against my pillow.

  “As a heart attack, darling. If it’s not something you wanna do, we won’t,” he replies.

  “Marrying you sounds really good. I didn’t know you felt that strongly about me.”

  “You’re my universe. You have been for a while.”

  “I am?”

  “Yes. I’d do anything for you.”

  “I never thought you’d be asking me about marriage, much less telling me you love me.”

  “I didn’t either. I thought I was done trusting people after what Ragnor did. I didn’t think love was an option for me.”

  “What made you realize how you felt?”

  “You give me butterflies. Still. Your smile makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I worried about you when I didn’t hear from you on your way home for reasons other than what could happen to me. I was always afraid you’d been mugged or something. But then you’d walk in and it was like how Christmas morning is supposed to be. I fell for you harder than I thought anyone could, and it scared me. It still scares me, to be honest.”

  I want so badly to kiss him, but I also want him to not get the flu. I never thought he felt this way toward me.

  “Am I really your first?” he asks.

  “Yeah. I wasn’t really out before I got you. Izzy and Jace knew. It was safer if I stayed closeted. I know you think it’s weird, but it’s true,” I reply.

  “Would they have hurt you if you came out sooner?”

  “I don’t know. I knew they’d disown me.”

  “At least you still have Jace and Izzy. We didn’t get Jace a Christmas present.”

  “I know. We will. I have to go back to work next week.”

  “Oh. So it’ll be Jace, Izzy, and me?”

  “Yeah. Once your ID comes, you can go to work with me if you want to.”

  “That sounds good.”

  He flips onto his stomach to watch _Tokyo Ghoul._ I'm surprised he likes it, but he might only watch it because it’s something I like. I love watching how engrossed he gets in TV shows.

  While he watches TV, I decide to get on my laptop. I have a message from Jonathan about pictures of an abused neko who looks exactly like Mags. The link he’s given me to the website is the same address as Ragnor’s website.

  The first picture I see is Magnus on his hands and knees. A rope is tied around his bruised hips, holding him up. The insides of his lean thighs are just as bruised. There’s fresh blood dripping from his still-gaping entrance. Semen spatters his small butt. The sight of my boyfriend being treated like that makes me sick. That’s nothing compared to the anger I feel when I read the caption. It says, ‘It forgot its place and passed out when I reminded it.’

  Not wanting to see more of the horror he endured, I close the page and go back to Facebook. I ask Jonathan how he found the pictures before going to Magnus’s page. He changed his profile picture from one of us to one of his very few selfies. It’s either evening or morning when he took it. He’s still in bed. He looks adorable and slightly half-asleep. I leave something cute on his page before shutting my laptop off so I can cuddle him.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks when I lie next to him.

  “Jonathan told me someone had posted pictures of a neko who looked like you being abused. It was you. H-he took a picture of you after you passed out from pain. You’d just been raped in the picture,” I explain.

  The pain in his cat eyes makes me wish I’d never told him. We never keep things from each other, but maybe I should’ve kept this to myself.

  “He probably asked Raphael to post it,” he mumbles.

  “Are you okay, knowing I saw?” I ask gently.

  “You saw me after Jace raped me. How’s it any different?”

  “Because Jace only physically attacked you once. I thought maybe you’d feel different because of what he did.”

  “I do, but I'm fine. I’ll deal.”

  “Mags, I’ll listen if you want someone to talk to.”

  He’s quiet for a long time after that.

  “Do you want time alone?” I ask gently, touching his back.

  Shaking his head, he hops off the bed. He pulls his journal out of the shoebox he keeps his most personal things in.

  He sits cross-legged on the floor and writes for a while. As much as I wanna comfort him, I also wanna give him his space and let him deal with this the way he needs.

  He slinks over to me and puts his journal in front of me. His face is unreadable.

 “You can read it,” he informs me.

  _Am I ever gonna stop feeling like this? Like Alec’s one day gonna decide I'm not good enough. I know I'm not. No one has to tell me. I know I'm still filthy from what happened. How do you wash away eight years of abuse? I love Alec and I know he loves me, but what if he decides I don’t deserve it? He can’t adopt me out now, but he could kick me out or kill me. I don’t blame myself for what happened anymore. I know it was never my fault. I never asked for my mom to be raped or for a psycho to abuse me. I know we might never have a sex life like a normal couple, but I wanna at least try being with him like that. What if he decides not to stop? Or I do something wrong? If I accidentally bite too hard? Maybe I'm overthinking all of this. I know Alec wants me to open up about this crap, but I never had anyone willingly offer to listen,_ it reads.

  His golden eyes are watching me when I look up.

  “Magnus, I had no idea you were feeling like this,” I murmur.

  “This was the easiest way for me to tell you,” he replies.

  “If we ever broke up, it wouldn’t be ‘cause I decided you didn’t deserve me loving you. I'm not a killer, Magnus. I'm glad you aren’t self-blaming. The minute you ask me to stop, I will. You won’t do something wrong. If you bite too hard, I’ll tell you to stop, but I won’t hurt you.”

  “Do you think I’ll ever get used to you loving me?”

  “Probably. Thank you for opening up to me.”

  “At least you listen. I'm glad you’re not puking.”

  He puts his journal back and goes to get us both a snack. I really do love him, but I wish he wouldn’t baby me. I know I baby him when he’s hurt, but that’s because he never had someone like him before.

  “I like the profile picture you went with,” I tell him when he comes back.

  “You do?” he replies, handing me some toast.

  “You looked so adorable. And sleepy.”

  “I was. It was like eight in the morning. You were cooking breakfast and you were gonna be pulling a twelve that day. Is the offer on the tattoos still good?”

  “What’re you planning on getting?”

  “I want either part of _Unravel_ on both wrists or ‘I'm stronger than I ever thought I was’ on my forearm.”

  “I think I know what part of the song you’re wanting to get.”

  “Probably. ‘Breakable, unbreakable’ on one wrist and ‘shakeable, unshakeable’ on the other. Or all three. A tat would be a walk in the park compared to everything else.”

  “If that’s what you want. You’re planning on showing those at the trial, aren’t you?”

  “I might, but it’s more of a personal reminder. I can survive anything. You don’t have any tattoos, do you?”

  “Nope. Jace does. Long story.”

  “No piercings?”

  “Nope. Are there any you want?”

  “Yeah, but I never thought I’d be given the choice.”

  “What are they?”

  “Either snake bites, a navel piercing, or getting my eyebrows pierced. I don’t know, though. I'm not into pain, even if I do have a high pain tolerance.”

  “I think you’d look good with them, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with the pain.”

  “About the wedding, do you want a big one or do you just want family and friends?”

  “Probably just friends and family. Is there anyone you want to be there? You haven’t even proposed yet.”

  “I don’t really know anyone. I don’t even have a ring to propose with.”

  He seems bothered by this fact.

  “Ring or not, I want a future with you,” I murmur, wrapping my arm around his waist.

  Forever with him was the last thing I expected when I brought him home. But it’s one thing I’ll be extremely happy to have.


	28. Magnus

   Christmas comes way too fast. I'm excited for it, but I'm also dreading it because it means we're closer to the court date. The best part is I get to have actual food.

  "Magnus, come on! It's time to open presents!" Alec calls.

  "I'll be in in a sec!" I reply, stuffing the small box into my pocket.

  Alec takes my hand gently the moment I sit beside him.

  "You go first, cat," Jace informs me, pushing a pile of presents towards me.

  I open the first one cautiously. It's from Izzy.

  "It's sorta for both of you," Izzy tells me.

  She got me chocolate body paint.

  "How bad are the odds ninety-percent of the gifts you got him are sex-related?" Alec asks.

  The way Jace bursts out laughing makes me incredibly suspicious.

  "That's what I was afraid of," Alec groans.

  "It might make tonight fun," I whisper in Alec's ear.

  He's looking at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have.

  "Are you serious?" he murmurs.

  Grinning, I nod. I think I might actually be ready. Or it might end horribly.

  The only gifts not sex-related are the ones from Alec. A couple from Izzy aren't. I think Jace mostly wants to see how red he can make Alec's face.

  "You're up next," Jace says, tossing a present to Alec.

  "Can I give you one of mine first?" I ask.

  Alec nods warily.

  The wariness changes to surprise when I drop to one knee in front of him. I open the ring box slowly.

  "Can I be your always?" I ask.

  "I don't know what I did to deserve you. Of course," he replies.

  "I had to make it official."

  I kiss him lovingly once I stand up.

  "Can I see the ring?" Izzy asks.

  Smiling, Alec obliges. I love seeing him so happy.

  "Where'd you get it?" he asks me, examining the blue-and-silver band.

  "Online. I wanted it to match your eyes," I reply.

  "Magnus, please tell me you didn't spend an outrageous amount."

  "You know me too well, darling. No, it wasn't over a hundred dollars."

  I'm more likely to spend a ton of money on Alec than I am to spend it on myself. I like pampering Alec, even if it does irritate him.

  "You did a really good job picking it out," Izzy tells me.

  "Thank you. Jace helped. He gave me his debit card," I reply.

  "What happened to yours?" Alec asks.

  "I, uh, I thought I lost it."

  "Magnus! Please tell me you found it."

  "I did. It was in my wallet, under the bed."

  "Magnus Bane, you're going to be the death of me. How did your wallet end up under the bed?"

  "I apparently kicked it under there."

  I plop next to him on the couch and busy myself with playing with his silky black hair.

  I'm the only one that got Alec anything sex-related; it was a set of coupons for favors. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I think it'd be fun.

  Izzy got mostly makeup, jewelry, and perfume. Jace got a knife he'd been wanting and a giftcard to a store he likes. Izzy got him a couple hoodies since he still doesn't have many clothes.

  "I've never seen Alec this happy. You better not hurt him," Izzy warns me quietly while Alec and Jace cook.

  "I won't. He's my entire world," I reply.

  I pad into the kitchen so I can spend time with him.

  "Merry Christmas, darling," I murmur, wrapping my arms around his slender waist.

  "Merry Christmas, baby. Are you enjoying yourself so far?" he replies.

  "I am. Did you like your surprises?"

  "I did."

  "I'll be more than happy to take your last name."

  I press my lips lightly to his neck.

  "You want to?" he asks.

  "Unless you wanna be Alexander Bane. As long as I get to keep you, I don't care. I actually came in here to help," I reply.

  "We've got it, but thanks for offering."

  I know he still wants to baby me, even though I'm healed up from the assault. I don't like feeling useless.

  "I could give you a massage later if you want. I know you've been working a lot of extra hours lately and probably ache. Or I could rub something else if you prefer," I whisper in his ear.

  I see him blush at my suggestion.

  "Are you trying to talk him into experimenting?" Jace asks.

  "No. Just suggesting some options for later," I reply.

  Alec looks really embarrassed now. It makes me feel super guilty.

  "Sorry, darling. Later?" I murmur, squeezing him gently.

  He nods.

  I decide to stop bugging him and instead read one of the books he got me. I'm engrossed in it enough that it scares me when he comes in to tell us dinner's done.

  "Have you decided what you're doing with the trial?" Izzy asks.

  "No. I want them to know everything that piece of trash did to me, but I don't wanna see him," I reply.

  "He had another neko. Catarina wants us to meet him tomorrow. He’s not in very good shape," Alec informs me.

  "Oh. How old is he?"

  "She didn’t say. He bites. A lot."

  "I'm surprised you weren't a biter," Izzy tells me.

  "I got muzzled for it. I bit Jace when he hurt me. What's the kid's name?"

  "She didn't say. He might like you," Alec replies.

  "Um, it might be better if we go in separate. Th-they used to double-team me. And it hurt horribly."

  I feel like I might puke telling them about it. I can't look at Alec. I figure he'll probably tell me to take my ring and shove it. Letting him in is still extremely difficult for me because I know he could very easily reject me.

  "Magnus, I'm glad you told me, but I'm sorry that happened," Alec murmurs, stroking my hand gently.

  "I'm done," I mumble, pushing my plate back.

  I've barely touched my food. It isn't that it tastes bad. Discussing the owner from hell has sunk my appetite faster than the _Titanic._

“Magnus, you need to eat,” Alec tells me gently.

  “Lost my appetite,” I reply.

  He sighs softly. I don’t like how upset he looks.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmur.

  “Don’t. It’s not your fault, so stop apologizing,” he tells me firmly.

  I’m in a better mood tonight than I was earlier. It’s been a very interesting day and a good one.

  Growling playfully, I tackle Alec when he comes in the bedroom. I’m careful not to hurt him or make his head bang into the floor. Straddling his lean hips, I kiss him hungrily.

  “What’s gotten into you?” he asks, trailing a hand down my back.

  “I wanted to show you just how fierce I am,” I reply.

  “You’re very fierce.”

  He moves his hand to my hip. It’s not as scary to me as it would’ve been even a month ago.

  Knowing what we’re about to do knots my stomach into a giant ball of nerves. I love Alec more than anything else in the world, and I want to at least try this with him. I want us to be able to have sex like any normal gay couple.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I whisper, nipping his lower lip gently.

  It earns me a very sexy gasp.

  I love making out with him. I never really made out with anyone before, so it’s sorta almost a first.

  “Is this okay?” Alec pants, tugging gently at the bottom of my shirt.

  I nod slowly. I’m grateful he’s waiting for my consent instead of just yanking my clothes off.

  “You’re so sexy,” he whispers, sitting up.

  His lips and teeth assault my neck while his fingers attack my brown nubs. I want to let him know how amazing this feels but I also don’t want to annoy him. I bury my face against the side of his neck and inhale the familiar orange, vanilla, and leather scent that is Alec. He hums softly when I bite at his soft skin. I want to mark him like he’s marking me, and I think I’m doing a good job so far.

  “Do you want me to do something different?” he asks suddenly, pulling back to look at me.

  “I-I like it a lot,” I whisper, stealing a kiss.

  “It’s okay if you’re loud.”

  It’s very weird to receive pleasure instead of being forced to give it. I think I could get used to this.

  “You’re so hard,” I murmur, rolling my hips experimentally against his.

  His low moan makes me smile. No one else really liked it when I moved much during it, so this is surprising.

  “So are you,” he whispers, palming me through my skinny jeans.

  Whimpering, I rub against him. It feels really good, but I can’t wait to see how it feels without the jeans.

  “Can I?” he asks, moving his hand to the buttons of my jeans.

  “Please. I want this,” I reply.

  I want this a lot more than I’ve ever wanted it before. I actually _want_ to give him pleasure.

  His nimble fingers make quick work of my jeans. It’s nice to not have them restraining me. His eyes drink in my naked body hungrily. The awe in his blue eyes is strange to me.

  “You really are gorgeous,” he tells me, trailing his hand down my chest to my hard member.

  “Not as gorgeous as you, darling,” I reply.

   He wraps his hand around me gently and starts stroking.

  “You can guide me if you want. It’s okay if you do,” he murmurs, kissing me gently as he strokes me.

  I whine softly when he rubs his palm over the head.

  This is the first time I’ve ever let myself feel during anything sexual; I usually tried to keep my mind on anything but what was happening so it wouldn’t hurt as bad. Now, all I can think of is how wonderful this feels and how I want more and how I wanna make him feel good too.

  He adds a twist over the head on the upstroke, making me groan and buck my hips against him. The hand not stroking me dips lower to fondle my sack. Kissing him heatedly, I undo his jeans and begin stroking him. It’s not fair for me to be the only one getting off.

  “Can we try something?” he asks suddenly.

  I nod warily. I’m not really sure what he plans on doing to me. I trust Alec, but words like that have never been a good thing in my experience.

  Very gently, he moves me to my back and kneels between my legs. He lays a gentle hand on my hip as he wraps his lips around me. I can’t help grunting softly. His warm, wet mouth feels incredible. His blue eyes gaze up at me lovingly as he sucks me. It feels like he’s just barely gotten started when he moves his mouth off of me. I can’t help making a soft noise of protest.

  “Are you planning on screwing me now?” I ask.

  I can’t really come up with another scenario. Unless maybe I taste bad or he doesn’t really like it. I don’t think he’d be grabbing a condom since I’m HIV-free now. I know he’s not gonna hurt me.

  “Not yet. I plan on making love to you later. Is it okay if I finger you? I know you do it to yourself, but I wanted to ask before I tried it,” he replies.

  I can’t help grinning when he mentions the time he accidentally walked in on me last week. It didn’t embarrass me nearly as much it embarrassed him. I mean, I’m used to being watched.

   “We can try it. Go slow?” I murmur.

  Regardless of if this works, it’ll be the first time I consented to penetration.

  I stiffen a little when his lubed finger slowly pushes inside.

  “You okay? Am I hurting you?” he asks gently.

  “I’m okay. It’s a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt,” I reply.

  He moves his free hand back to my hard shaft while he slowly presses more of his finger inside me. It’s actually starting feel good. I moan sharply when he rubs against my prostate. He strokes my member in time with the steady thrusting of his finger. I can already feel myself getting close to the edge.

  “Stop, please,” I pant, forcing my hips to still.

  “Did I hurt you?” he asks worriedly, stopping immediately.

  “No. The opposite. I didn’t wanna come too soon.”

  “You come whenever you want.”

  “I wanted to make this last.”

  Smiling, he kisses me lovingly after I sit up. I move my hand back to his hard member and start stroking him again. I like feeling his hardness in my hand. It’s like satin-covered metal. I like knowing I got him this horny.

  “I wanna try sucking yours,” I murmur.

  He seems really surprised by this.

  “Just, uh, don’t choke me or hump my face. Or pull my hair or ears. Please,” I add.

  I love sucking him. I love gazing up at him and watching how his expression changes with what I do. He tastes amazing and he makes the most delicious noises. The only thing I like better is teasing him and listening to him whine. I can’t do it for very long because my jaw gives out, but at least I managed it for a few minutes.

  “Are you sure you wanna do this?” he asks.

  “I’m sure. We can go slow, right?” I reply.

  “As slow as you need. Hop up on the bed and get comfy.”

  I lie back on the bed for him. I trust him, but I’m still very nervous.

  “I’ll be as gentle as possible, baby. I promise,” he murmurs, pressing a slick finger inside me.

  He’s very patient while he stretches me. I’ve never had anyone take this into consideration before.

  “Do you have condoms?” I ask.

  I might be HIV-free, but I feel more comfortable having protection for this part.

  “Already got one out,” he replies, kissing me.

  He takes my place on the bed so I can ride him. It doesn’t hurt as much as it usually does, but I’m going slow and I have lube. It’s a relief for it not to feel like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out by rabid wolves.

  “You’re so tight!” Alec groans, rubbing his thumbs gently over my hipbones.

  I stop once he’s totally in me. It feels amazing to be able to have sex with him, something I thought was totally out of the question for me.

  “You feel even bigger inside me,” I tell him, leaning down to kiss him hungrily.

  Pretty soon, the room’s filled with the sounds of skin slapping, our loud panting and moans, and our sloppy kissing. I’m not sure how close Alec is, but I know I’m not gonna hold out much longer. When I finally come, it’s easily the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. Alec comes a few seconds later.

  I sprawl on top of him once we’re done.

  “Was it good?” he asks, rubbing my back.

  “No. It was amazing because it was with you. I love you, even if you are sticky,” I reply.

  “I love you too.”

  I can’t really believe how amazing tonight was. I never knew sex could be a good thing.

  I slip in behind Alec while he showers in the morning.

  “Good morning, beautiful. I wish we’d done that sooner,” I tell him.

  “You were pretty great,” he replies.

  “So were you. I never thought it could be fun.”

  “Are you in the mood for more?”

  “Maybe later. I love you even more now.”

  “I know the feeling. Was it scary for you? If it was, tell me what to change. I don’t want it to be scary for you.”

  “Not as scary as I thought it’d be. Or as painful. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to walk without pain the day after. What time are we gonna see the other hybrid? Are you gonna adopt him?”

  “Whenever you want. I don’t know. I might.”

  The thought of meeting another hybrid is almost exciting, but I haven’t been around others of my own kind in a long time. I’m more afraid of him biting Alec.

  Catarina smiles warmly when she sees us.

  “He’s back here. His name’s Kadir Safar. He’s a Turkish Van. He’s fifteen,” Catarina informs us, leading us to the hospital rooms.

  I draw a deep breath before opening Kadir’s door.


	29. Alec

  I watch anxiously through the window in the door as Magnus talks to Kadir. Other than the way Kadir’s silky ears flatten and the tapping of his long, silky-looking tail when Magnus first walks in, there’s no noticeable hostility. Magnus doesn’t look that nervous now, which makes me feel better.

  Magnus isn’t in the room even fifteen minutes before coming back out to the hall.

  “So I had good-ish news. Kadir supposedly belongs to Helen Blackthorn,” Magnus tells me.

  “He does? How’d he end up with the Psychos?” I ask.

  “He was supposedly kidnapped by Raphael—Ugh, just saying his name makes me wanna puke—because Raphael wanted to get the demon spawn another neko and Kadir was simply walking down the street. Easy catch, saves money, and no one’s gonna question a neko being kidnapped. They shredded Kadir’s Emancipation ID and he doesn’t remember Helen’s phone number. She’s had him since the beginning of last month. I don’t know how true it is.”

  “I’ll call her and find out.”

  Helen picks up after just two rings.

  “What’s up, Alec? Did you want to talk to Aline?” she asks.

  “Not much. No, you’re the one I wanted to talk to. Are you missing a neko named Kadir Safar?” I reply.

  “Yes! You found him?! Where is he? Is my baby okay?”

  “He’s at Catarina Loss’s office. That she can tell you. He was kidnapped by the boyfriend of Magnus’s former owner. How long was he missing?”

  “Two weeks. I called all of the pounds daily. Aline and I looked everywhere for him, but we never thought of him being at a vet office. I’m on my way to see him.”

  Ten minutes later, Helen rushes in the door.

  “Can I see him?” she asks worriedly.

  “Of course. He’ll probably be very glad to see you,” Catarina replies, ushering her inside Kadir’s room.

  Magnus and I watch from the window as the pair’s reunited. They both look ecstatic to see each other again.

  “I’d feel the same way if you were ever kidnapped,” I murmur, squeezing his hand gently.

  “I know. If anything like that happened to either of us, I’d be really glad to see you again,” he replies, smiling.

  “Did you enjoy Christmas?” I ask.

  “Last night was my favorite part. Can we get lunch before I get inked? And maybe do something tonight? We haven’t been out in a while, and I miss it.”

  “Sure. You pick the place. What would you like to do? I miss it too.”

  “Taki’s? Could we go to a movie?”

  “Sure. I can see what’s playing while you’re getting inked.”

  He swallows nervously.

  “I don’t know how bad it’s gonna hurt,” he mumbles.

  “I’ll be right there. If you need to squeeze my hand while they’re doing it, you can,” I reply.

  “How is hurting your hand supposed to make me feel better?”

  “It helps. Trust me.”

  While we wait for our order, I bring up the list of movies playing.

  “This sounds good. It’s scary, right?” he says, pointing to the _Poltergeist_ remake.

  “It’s supposed to be. That works for me,” I reply.

  “How many more days until the trial?”

  “Eight days. If you don’t wanna go, I won’t make you.”

  “I have to. For me.”

  Smiling, I caress his face gently. His stubble scratches lightly at my palm.

  “No matter what happens at the trial, I’ll still love you,” I promise him.

  I’m worried about what will happen to Magnus at the trial. I’m scared he’ll have a nervous breakdown.

  It’s a short walk from Taki’s to the tattoo parlor. The receptionist smiles warmly at us when we walk in.

  “You’re Magnus, right? Go ahead and take seat and he’ll be with you shortly,” she tells him.

  “Can Alec go back with me?” he asks.

  “Of course he can.”

  Magnus sits beside me in the waiting area. He looks incredibly nervous.

  “I’ll be right there,” I tell him.

  We’ve been waiting maybe ten minutes when the tattoo artist comes to get us.

  “Ready to get your first tattoos?” he asks, smiling.

  “Nervous, but I guess I’m ready,” Magnus replies.

  “I tried seeing if there were any designs similar to yours, but I couldn’t find anything.”

  “So my tattoos are unique?”

  “Far as I know, yeah. Still want the same design we talked about?”

  The design is for ‘breakable’ to be on the inside of his wrist, connected by the first and last letter to ‘unbreakable’ on the outside of his wrist. ‘Shakeable’ and ‘unshakeable’ are gonna be done the same way on the opposite hand. He wanted it done in my cursive.

  “I do,” Magnus replies, sitting in the chair.

  He winces when the tattoo first starts, but he’s perfectly still otherwise for each one.

  “What’s your mother’s number?” Magnus asks as we leave the tattoo parlor.

  “Magnus, she tried to kill you. Why do you want her number?” I reply.

  “A sorta serenade. Only I’m informing her that I love you and we’re gonna be together no matter what.”

  “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

  “But I’m adorable and you love me.”

  “Yes, I do. What’s the song?”

  “ _Rude._ I thought it fit perfectly. I wanna record it and send it to her. Not actually call her.”

  “It does fit.”

  “Can we put the wedding off until after the trial? Maybe on your birthday?”

  “I think that would be best. Or Valentine’s Day?”

  “That would be perfect! The only weddings I know anything about are from books and TV.”

  “We can read up on gay weddings tonight if you want. I’m not really sure how they do it for couples like us.”

  The movie scares the crap outta both of us. I really wish I’d remembered the clown doll. Magnus was really sweet when I started freaking out over it, though, and kept me from hyperventilating.

  “Is there anything you’d like to do?” I ask outside the theater.

  “Someone, but not anything,” he grins.

  “You’re not gonna turn into a hormone-driven sex fiend, are you?”

  “No, I just really happen to like it with you.”

  “It’s different, isn’t it?”

  “A lot different.”

  “What do you do while I’m at work now that you can do whatever you want?”

  “I go to the park and read sometimes. Jace went with me a couple days ago and got attacked by a duck. I like going to the cosmetology school and watching the students. And visiting you at work, of course.”

  “Did you help him when he got attacked? Is cosmetology something you wanna do? I love it when you come see me.”

  “Does recording it count? I’ve thought about it, but I still wanna help hybrids.”

  “Can I watch it?”

  Jace hadn’t even done anything to the duck. He’d been feeding a squirrel peanuts when the duck, quacking angrily, started chasing him. Magnus was laughing in the background, while Jace was yelling and swearing at the duck.

  “You’re awful. It’s funny, but you’re awful,” I tell him.

  “I did apologize later. He made me promise not to put it on YouTube or show Clary if I see her,” he replies.

  I like the mischievous glint in his gold eyes. I like seeing him so happy. I don’t want the trial to ruin his mental stability or his happiness because I don’t wanna see Ragnor ruin Magnus’s life again.


	30. Magnus

  I’ve missed going out with Alec so much. Visiting him at work isn’t the same thing.

  I slip into the bedroom where it’s quieter so I can record the ‘serenade’ to Alec’s mother. I pull up the girl version lyrics—with my change of man to woman and daughter to son—on his laptop before hitting record on my phone. I might sound like a cat in a blender, but I mean every word of the song. I _will_ marry Alec no matter what she says.

  _Hello, future mother-in-law,_ I type. _Just so you know, Alexander picked the abomination. Enjoy the lovely song I recorded for you XOXO_

  Being somewhat petty feels good. It shouldn't, but it does.

  Alec's making hot chocolate at the stove when I leave our bedroom. I don't know why but I find the sight of him cooking really sexy.

  "That smells really good," I tell him.

  "Jace got marshmallows for us. I thought it might sound good to you," he replies.

  "I also got marshmallow vodka," Jace says behind me, making me jump.

  "Can I try it?" I ask.

  "If you want. Like I said, that's your decision. If you hurt me, we're over," Alec replies.

  "I won't drink much."

  Alec looks really uncomfortable with me wanting to try the vodka. I'm not planning on getting drunk. I'm just curious about how it tastes.

  "I won't drink at all if it bothers you," I murmur.

  "It's not that. Dad was a bad drunk. And then there's Jace," Alec replies quietly.

  "Did your dad hurt you?"

  "Mom walked in on him punching me. It was after the hybrid incident. It only happened twice."

  "Why didn't you ever say anything?" Jace demands.

  "Because I never thought it was important."

  "If someone hurts you, it's _very_ important," I tell him.

  He smiles shyly.

  "I'm not planning on getting drunk, just so you know. Being homeless isn't an adventure I wanna go on again," Jace tells us.

  "Good," Alec replies.

  "Do you want me to get mugs?" I ask, wanting to be helpful.

  "Yes, please."

  I've just gotten the mugs when Alec's phone rings.

  "Hello, Jia. They what?! What time? Okay. Why'd they decide to change it? See you then," Alec says, putting his phone in his pocket.

  "When'd they move it to?" I ask, my voice cracking pitifully.

  "Tomorrow at twelve. They want it over before the new year."

  I'm faintly aware of a mug shattering. The only thing I'm for-sure aware of is the fact I can't breathe. I'll be facing _him_ in less than twenty-four hours. Alec helps me sit down. I'm making these awful, choked sobbing sounds.

  "Shh. Shh. It's gonna be okay, Mags," he murmurs soothingly, pulling me close.

  I cling to him like a drowning man to a life preserver.

  He keeps murmuring to me gently until I start calming down. My chest hurts.

  "Can I just sit here?" I ask.

  "As long as you need, babe. I love you," he replies.

  "I love you more. Sorry about the mug."

  Jace has already started sweeping it up.

  "It happens. I would've done the same thing in your situation," Alec murmurs, kissing my forehead.

  I'm able to get up after a few minutes.

  Alec ladles some hot chocolate into a mug for me and lets me add as much vodka and marshmallows as I want. By the time I get done with the marshmallows, I can't really drink from my mug.

  "What do you even wear to a court case?" I ask.

  "Dressy. I'll help you if you want," Izzy tells me, coming into the kitchen.

  "That would be great."

  After she gets her hot chocolate, we go in my and Alec's room. I dig through my closet until I find a pair of black skinny jeans, a royal blue sweater with sequins, and my black jacket with rhinestoned shoulders.

  "What do you think?" I ask.

  "I like it. Are you planning on wearing makeup?" she replies.

  "Definitely. I have this black eyeshadow with glitter in it. And I'm gonna do my nails. I'm doing everything he beat me for."

  "Is that the alcohol or you talking?"

  "I've barely had a couple drinks. I want to show him he didn't break me."

  After my outfit is picked out, I tuck myself under Alec's arm so we can do some wedding planning.

  "Do you want it here in Manhattan?" he asks.

  "Yeah. Are we having cake? And booze? I like this stuff," I reply.

  "If you want cake. I'm not a big fan of it. We could do cupcakes if you want. Magnus, we're not legal. And I'd like both of us to remember our wedding night. What other food do you want?"

  "Jace is drinking, and he's less legal than us. Cupcakes sound awesome. Can we have sushi?"

  "Are you getting drunk? We could have our reception at a sushi bar if they're cool with a gay human-neko reception. I'll give Cake Alchemy a call and see if they can do it."

  "I'm feeling really good right now."

  "I think you're done. Hangovers suck, and you're gonna have enough to deal with tomorrow."

  "Which is precisely why I'm drinking."

  "Magnus, I think you've had enough. How much vodka did you put in there anyway?"

  "Like half-and-half."

  He writes down the number for the bakery, the officiant, and hotel. Tomorrow, we'll do the photographer and stuff like that.

  By the time we go to bed, I'm starting to sober up.

  "Are you okay?" Alec asks, lathering his face with shaving cream.

  Personally, I like the haven't-shaved-for-three-days look on him.

  "Honestly? No. I wanna curl up with you and the bottle of vodka," I reply, sitting on the vanity.

  "I'm sorry they moved it up. I'll be right there with you during it. I promise. Do you know what you wanna say to him?" Alec says, touching my hand gently.

  "Not everything. I've been trying not to think about it because it doesn't feel real then."

  He squeezes my hand gently.

  "How sober are you?" he asks.

  "I'm not feeling good anymore. Why?" I reply.

  "Do you want me to get your mind off the trial?"

  "You don't have to."

  "If you're not in the mood, I understand and I won't push you."

  "I really just wanna be with you in every way I can tonight because I don't know what's gonna happen at the trial."

  I'm scared of being extremely messed-up afterwards.

  Making out with him under the hot spray of the shower feels really good. I need to be close to him like this.

  Tonight's much different from last night. I'm not in as much of a hurry. Instead, I wanna take my time to savor this experience with him.

  After we're done, we curl up together to watch a movie. He's petting me gently while I listen to his heart.

  "No matter what happens tomorrow, I'll always love you and do my best to protect you," he murmurs.

  "I'll do the same for you," I reply.

  I have the worst nightmares ever tonight. Each one is a flashback of something Ragnor did to me. I'm already awake when Alec gets up at nine.

  "Good morning. How long have you been up?" he says, hugging me close.

  "Since six, I think. I had flashbacks all night," I reply, snuggling against his warmth.

  "You could've woken me up."

  "I thought they'd quit."

  I skip breakfast. I already feel like puking.

  I spend most of the day plastered to Alec's side.

  Not even doing my hair and makeup makes me feel better. I'm too anxious for it to help.

  "You look really good," Alec tells me as we leave the apartment.

  "I don't feel really good. I feel like I can't breathe and might puke," I reply.

  Jia, Catarina, and Michelle are already waiting for us at the courthouse.

  "He looks so different," Michelle remarks, dragging her eyes over my body.

  "He's a completely different neko than he was when I got him," Alec replies, squeezing my hand gently.

  "They're gonna show the videos to the entire court room," Jia tells us.

  That's it for my stomach. Thankfully there's a trash can close by for me to puke in.

  "I'm sorry," I mumble, wiping my mouth on the Kleenex Alec offers me.

  "Don't. I'm surprised you made it this far without puking," Alec replies.

  I hold Alec's hand tightly as we make our way for the court room.

  "Is there a reason he's not wearing a leash and collar?" the security guard asks.

  "Emancipated," I reply, flashing my ID.

  We empty our pockets and step in the court room.

  "We're gonna get through this," Alec promises, guiding me to my seat.

  If it weren't for him, I'd probably fall over since I can't really feel my legs.

  I start shaking when Ragnor walks in. I can't look at him. If I look at him, I can't breathe, much less think. I'm barely aware of my fingernails digging into my thighs until Alec takes my hand.

  "Don't hurt yourself because of him. He's not worth it. I've got you," he whispers.

  His touch makes my breathing a little easier.

  _Do you realize you're my gravity? You're my sun and I'm your moon. I'm the reflection of what kind of person you are,_ I think, squeezing his hand lightly.

  "Of course," Alec mumbles irritably.

  "What?" I whisper.

  "My dad is his lawyer."

  I hate the hurt in Alec's voice.

  "I'm sorry," I tell him.

  The demon spawn testifies first. I can't help my ears flattening against my skull at the sound of his voice. My stumpy tail's fluffed and twitching. Harsh growls rumble from my chest.

  "How old was Mr. Bane when you adopted him?" Jia asks.

  "It was ten," Ragnor answers.

  "Is it true that you tortured him almost to the point of death when he was seventeen?"

  "It bit me, so I taught it a lesson. You should've heard the way it screamed and begged. 'Course that got kinda hard once I broke its jaw."

  From the corner of my eye, I see a muscle in Alec's jaw twitch. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that wants to tear Ragnor to shreds right now.

  "Why did Mr. Bane bite you?" Jia asks.

  "I disciplined it, and it went psycho on me," Ragnor replies.

  "By 'disciplined' you mean?"

  "I fed it eight Viagra and then whipped its junk with a lunge whip. You  know, the kind they use with horses."

  "What did Mr. Bane do to cause you to believe he warranted such action?"

  "It was flirting with my boyfriend."

  I almost start laughing at the ridiculousness of what he's saying.

  "Is it true you attacked Mr. Bane on November 23rd, 2015?" she asks.

  "I wanted to get what belonged to me back," he replies.

  "So beating, raping, and removing part of Mr. Bane's tail was a good way to do that?"

  "It deserved it for being such a horrid neko. He probably has it drugged so it's not attacking people."

  The questions Alec's father ask him paint me nearly as demented as Ragnor. There're two very large differences between us: I'm not psychotic and I'm part adorable cat.

  The fear hits like a cannonball when Alec's called to the stand. Now I only have Jia between me and the demon spawn, and there's no guarantee she'll protect me. When she goes to question Alec, I'll have no one.

  "Mr. Lightwood, how long have you owned the neko?" his father asks.

  "Since August 15th of 2015," Alec replies.

  "Can you describe for me what condition the neko was in when you adopted it?"

  " _He_ was extremely underweight. I could count each rib. His hipbones and breast bone stuck out. He hadn't had a bath in God only knows how long. No one had bothered trying to get his hair unmatted. He was bruised and cut. He had been raped."

  "Do you have photographic evidence to back this up?"

  "No, I don't. But one of the pound workers is here as a witness."

  "How many times has it behaved in a hostile fashion, not counting right now?"

  "Only twice and the incidents were warranted. Once was because my brother hurt him. The other was out of fear my brother would hurt him again."

  "Do you keep it drugged so it will be docile?"

  "I've never drugged him, nor will I."

  "What is your relationship to the neko?"

  "He's my fiance."

  Alec flashes his ring to the entire court room.

  I start trembling again when Jia goes to question Alec.

  "I won't let him hurt you any more than Alec will," Catarina tells me, laying a gentle hand on my back.

  Catarina's called to the stand after Jia finishes questioning Alec. Alec looks relieved to be back with me.

  "What is your relationship with Mr. Bane and Mr. Lightwood?" Jia asks.

  "I'm Mr. Bane's vet," Catarina replies.

  "Can you tell me what condition Mr. Bane was in when you first met him?"

  "He had just been raped and beaten by Mr. Lightwood's brother. He had fractured ribs, dislocated wrists, a broken bone in his tail, and internal tears."

  "Did any old injuries show up on the X-rays?"

  "Yes. I brought the X-rays from then and when Mr. Fell assaulted him for evidence."

  "How many healed fractures were there?"

  "Off the top of my head? Twenty."

  "Out of that number, how many appeared to have healed properly?"

  "Maybe ten."

  "Which injuries were the most common?"

  "Rib fractures and tail fractures were the most common."

  "What was Mr. Bane's condition when he was brought in after Mr. Fell's assault?"

  "I was unsure if he would make it through the night. His right ear was nearly torn from his head. His cat ear, not his human one. Most of his tail was cut off with what appeared to have been a dull pocket knife. His jaw had been broken. He had broken ribs. He had internal bleeding. He had been quite brutally raped. There was a hairline fracture in his spine and left femur. There were a number of bruises. There were defensive wounds on his forearms and wrists."

  "Do you have photographic evidence to support your claims?"

  "Yes. I took pictures with my camera, and I also brought the X-rays."

  Alec's father doesn't bother questioning her.

  My turn comes far too soon. As long as I focus on Alec, I'm not so scared I can't breathe. I'm still scared, though.

  "Mr. Bane, how long did you belong to Mr. Fell?" Jia asks.

  "Eight years," I reply shakily.

  "Can you tell me how you were treated?"

  "H-he abused me."

  "Can you clarify what you mean by that?"

  "H-he beat and raped me. He tortured me. He and his boyfriend used to take me at the same time. He starved me and made me dance or perform sex acts for food. He locked me in a cage at one point and refused to feed me, so I resorted to eating my own waste. He videotaped some of the acts."

  "What is your version of the events leading up to Mr. Fell torturing you when you were seventeen?"

  "His boyfriend was raping my throat, and he walked in on it. I did not consent to the sex act, which is why I called it rape. Mr. Fell became angry with me for not asking him for permission to pleasure his boyfriend. What I said about the matter only made him angrier. He was telling the truth about feeding me Viagra and whipping my junk. I was in a lot of pain, and I was trying to defend myself, so I bit him. I don't deny that I lashed out."

  _Just like I don't deny he's King of the Psychos,_ I add silently.

  "Can you tell me why Mr. Fell surrendered you to the pound?" Jia asks.

  "He said I was worthless and getting worn-out so he was gonna get rid of me and get a new one," I reply.

  "Is it true you lashed out at Mr. Lightwood's brother?"

  "Yes. He was beating me, and I was trying to defend myself."

  "Is there a reason you lashed out at him but not when Mr. Fell attacked you the last time?"

  "Yes. I didn't defend myself because I knew he would kill me if I did. He had threatened to kill me when I still belonged to him."

  "What were you doing when Mr. Fell assaulted you the last time?"

  "I was taking Alec some lunch because he forgot to take it to work with him."

  I dislike Alec's father immensely. He talks to me like I'm a dumb animal and I can't do anything about it because I'll be considered 'hostile' or 'demented'.

  A half-hour later, the judge asks Jia to present her evidence. The first thing she presents is the videos. Not only am I seeing it all over again, but I'm hearing it too.

  "Cover your ears, baby. Shh. Shh. I've got you," Alec murmur, pulling me close when I start having an anxiety attack.

  A low sob breaks from my throat.

  I can hear myself screaming in the video while Ragnor and Raphael groan in pleasure. I end up sick all over Alec's lap.

  "That's enough. I don't need to see anymore," the judge declares loud enough I can hear it.

  I don't move from my spot against Alec.

  Catarina presents the X-rays and photographs next, followed by Michelle, who has pictures of me sleeping my first night at the pound.

  "Mr. Bane, before I rule, would you like to address Mr. Fell?" the judge asks.

  "I-I w-would," I reply shakily, wiping my eyes.

  My legs wobble when I stand.

  "You are a despicable excuse for a human being. I was a child! You ripped away whatever innocence I had left, and I never got to offer it to Alec. You humiliated me. You made me think I was good for nothing but sex or a laugh. _You're_ the worthless one. I hope someone gives you a taste of your own medicine. I hope you rot in hell. But know this, you didn't win," I spit.

  I pretty much collapse in my chair when I'm done speaking. I'm shaking all over. I might be free, but he's a psycho and he could still hurt me.

  "This is the worst case of hybrid abuse I've seen since Valentine Morgenstern was on the loose. What Mr. Bane went through should've never been allowed to go on as long as it did. And with that I find Ragnor Fell guilty of gross hybrid cruelty and I sentence him to twenty years in a maximum security prison with no option of early release," the judge announces.

  As we get ready to leave, Ragnor approaches me as much as his shackles will allow. Alec automatically edges between us.

  "You little whore. You'll pay for this," Ragnor snarls.

  My hands might be shaking, but I still flip him off. I've been waiting for that moment.


	31. Alec

  Magnus's relief to leave the court room only lasts a couple seconds. A mob of reporters has gathered outside to document the first neko cruelty case since Valentine was put away. One of them is actually calling out 'Mr. Bane!' over and over again.

  "I have nothing to say to you, Camille, and you know exactly why," he spits, glaring in the direction of the voice.

 Thankfully most of the reporters look to be inside. I don't wanna talk to any of them. I just wanna get Magnus home.

  The universe apparently has other plans. My dad's waiting on the courthouse steps.

  "Alexander, what exactly do you think you're doing with that _thing_?" he asks, his lip curling in disgust when he sees Magnus holding my hand.

  "I think I'm gonna marry him," I reply.

  "Really? I thought I taught you better than that."

  He looks like he might punch me again. That's all it takes for Magnus to edge himself between us. He isn't growling, but his ears are pinned and his stump's twitching.

  "Leave my fiance alone," Magnus warns.

  Dad shoves Magnus hard onto the concrete. I leap between them.

  "What's going on here?" a security guard demands, hustling down the steps.

  "He attacked my fiance," I reply.

  Once we get things settled, I take Mags home.

  "If you're hungry, I can make you something to eat," I offer in the elevator.

  "No, I'm fine," he mumbles.

  He doesn't sound or look fine. He sounds down.

  "Are you sure you're okay?" I ask.

  "I don't know. Can I have some alone time?" he replies.

  "Yeah, of course you can."

  He's starting to worry me.

  "Are you guys fighting?" Izzy asks when Magnus goes straight for our room.

  "No. I think the adrenaline wore off. I don't think Dad threatening us made him feel any better," I reply.

  "Dad was Ragnor's lawyer?" Jace asks.

  "Yeah. Ragnor got twenty years for what he did. Dad attacked Magnus. Magnus got between us, and Dad shoved him down."

  "Is Magnus okay?" Izzy asks.

  "Physically, I think so. Otherwise, I don't know. He's got me worried."

  Magnus doesn't come out all day. He doesn't want food. He's been crying, I think. He wants me to hold him. I wish I hadn't had him come to the trial.

  He wakes up, screaming, around midnight. He lashes out at me when I wake him. Shaking, he stares at me with wide eyes as he realizes I'm not the psycho. I hate seeing him so scared.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," he whimpers.

  "I know. Do you need to talk about it?" I reply gently, stroking his hand lightly.

  "Flashback. How bad did I hurt you? I-I thought it was real, and I'm sorry. I love you."

  "I'm fine. You never have to apologize for being scared. I love you more."

  He's sleeping soundly when I wake up. He looks so cute! I let him sleep for a while.

  Jace is making pancakes when I go in the kitchen.

  "You look like crap," he informs me.

  "Thanks. Are you doing okay with school?" I reply.

  "Yeah, I am. I'm making straight-A's. And I might be going out with Clary tomorrow night."

  "That's great! I'm proud of you. You're not helping her cheat on Sebastian, are you?"

  "I'm not that much of a manwhore. She and Izzy are doing girl stuff again, so it's just us guys."

  Magnus stays in our room until noon. He still looks very depressed.

  "You okay?" I whisper when he sits down.

  He shakes his head.

  "I'll listen if you need to talk," I tell him, squeezing his hand gently.

  He flinches when Jace swears at his video game.

  "You're safe. I promise," I murmur.

  "Yeah. Can I go to work with you when you start back?" he replies.

  "Of course you can come visit. Just like always. Maybe we could go to Taki's on my lunch break one day?"

  I hope he's okay by then.

  "Okay," he replies, smiling.

  The smile doesn't meet his sad eyes.

  "Can I trust you guys alone?" I ask.

  "I'm not gonna hurt the cat," Jace tells me, rolling his eyes.

  Magnus nods brokenly.

  I stride off to our bedroom and dig out one of my old school notebooks. I wanna show Magnus how special he is to me; it might make him feel better.

  _Remember how I told you I'd always love you? I still mean that. I don't know what's going on, but I want you to know I still care about you. I always will. I never expected us to talk about marriage, and I'll be more than happy to say 'I do'. If you need professional help to get through this, I'll support you the entire way. I love you more than anything else in the world, no matter what my parents think. I'm sorry for the way my dad spoke to you yesterday. And for him shoving you. I know it's not my fault, but it should've never happened. Do you wanna know ten things I love about you?_

  * _Your smile_
  * _Your eyes_
  * _How adorable you are when you sleep (How do you curl up so tiny?)_
  * _Your laugh_
  * _How engrossed you get in TV shows or books_
  * _Your entire personality_
  * _How much you look like home when you wrap up in the quilt my grandma made me_
  * _How excited you get about things_
  * _Your purr when I play with your hair_
  * _Every single thing about you_



  _I can't wait to be your husband,_ I write, tearing the sheets out and laying them on the bed.

  Maybe seeing how much I care will help. I just hate seeing that Ragnor Fell hurt him again.

  Magnus is finally eating something when I come back from our room.

  "Is there anything you'd like to do?" I ask.

  "Whatever you want," he replies.

  "No, you pick this time."

  "Alec, I don't wanna do anything. Alright? I just wanna be with you because I'm a little bit more sane when I'm with you."

  I wish he'd snapped at me. It wouldn't be as heartbreaking as the way his voice cracks in odd places like he might start crying.

  "Okay," I whisper.

  I don't like seeing him upset, especially over someone as worthless as Ragnor. I can't imagine what he's going through mentally. If I could, I might actually be a little bit of help.

  He wraps himself up in my grandma's quilt and sits beside me on the couch once he's done eating. He's staring straight ahead, unblinking.

  He's had three anxiety attacks by the time we go to bed. The last one was so bad he almost passed out.

  I watch anxiously as he reads my letter. He looks relieved and confused.

  "I thought you were gonna break up with me," he admits.

  "No. You having to deal with eight years of hell--Again--is a horrible reason to break up with you," I reply, kissing him gently.

  "Why do you love me so much? I know I'm fabulous but it's more like fabulously damaged."

  "Because you're you."

  Tonight's much the same as last night, but he doesn't lash out.

  He's still a mess on New Year's Eve. I'm not sure how long to wait before checking him into therapy. He should be a little better by now, right? Or am I just wanting him to instantly be okay?

  "I brought booze. Thank God for a fake ID," Jace crows, setting a bag on the kitchen table.

  "Really, Jace?" I reply.

  "We're gonna party our way into the new year."

  Magnus finally comes into the kitchen. He looks bad. There's dark circles under his golden eyes. His skin's lost it's healthy glow. He looks a little skinnier from where he refuses to eat. Arguing about it makes him more depressed. If I'm lucky, he'll drink a protein shake. He's visibly upset right now.

  "What's wrong?" I ask gently.

  "Do you ever just wanna tear your own skin off because it feels like you can't get clean?" he replies.

  "You think you're still dirty because of what he did?"

  "I don't think. I know. I'm filthy, Alexander."

  He leads me into our room.

  "I-I wanna wash his touch away and I can't," he breathes, sliding his skinny jeans down.

  There's patches of raw, angry-looking skin on his narrow hips, his package, his thighs, and on his perfect butt.

  "You did this to yourself?" I ask.

  "They're the places he touched most, and they're the dirtiest. I still don't feel clean," he replies.

  "Magnus, I think you need to talk to someone about this. Like a shrink."

  "I keep thinking about what he did. It's on constant repeat in my head. Am I crazy?"

  "I don't know. Thank you for letting me in."

  All I can do is pull him close. I thought I hated Ragnor Fell for what he put Magnus through for eight years. I hate him more for what his actions are causing Magnus to believe about himself and for what they're causing Mags to do to himself.


	32. Magnus

  I'm awake all night tonight. I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid of reliving the torture. People are supposed to be safe in their dreams, right?

  I cook breakfast while Alec's on the phone with Catarina. I have to do something or I'll claw myself apart.

  Alec's not happy when he comes into the kitchen.

  "There aren't any hybrid-friendly shrinks. Catarina says you can come in and talk to her if you want," Alec tells me.

  "Can we go after breakfast?" I ask.

  "Sure."

  He kisses my cheek lightly.

                                                32

  I'm so tense on the way to Catarina's I have bloody crescents on my palms from my fingernails biting into my skin. I don't like the pain in Alec's eyes when he sees the marks, but the pain in my hands steadies me a little.

  Catarina seems really worried when she greets us.

  "I'll be talking to you guys in my personal office," she tells us, leading us down a hall.

  The office is warm and smells of lavender. It's simply--too simply for my tastes--furnished. She motions for Alec and I to sit in the leather armchairs in front of the desk.

  "Magnus, what sort of problems are you having?" she asks gently.

  "Anxiety attacks and nightmares. I haven't been sleeping," I reply.

  "What are the nightmares about? What's been triggering the anxiety attacks? How long's it been since you slept?"

  "What happened to me. Little things. Um, I haven't slept since before the trial."

  "How does Alec treat you when you get scared?"

  "He holds me and keeps telling me I'm okay, that it isn't real. I know it isn't real now, but it used to be. I-I hit him one night. I didn't mean to. I had a nightmare, and I lashed out at him when he woke me up."

  "What happened to your hands?"

  "I hurt myself. My fingernails cut me."

  "Do you intentionally hurt yourself?"

  "Not like I used to. I used to bite and scratch myself because the pain I gave myself was easier to deal with than what he gave me. And I was punishing myself for angering him. I, um, I have raw places from trying to get clean. Does that count?"

  "Why were you trying to get clean? To me, it does."

  "I can still feel his hands on me. And I know I'm filthy still. I don't wanna contaminate Alec."

  "Where do you feel his hands? Why do you think you're filthy?"

  "My hips, thighs, junk, and my butt. Because I couldn't ever stop the abuse. If he wanted to rape me, he did. Fighting him only got me hurt worse. The first time I was raped was when I was five. How're you supposed to deal with that?"

  "When Alec touches you there, are you afraid he will be dirty? Most people deal with it the same way you have."

  "Yeah. Am I crazy?"

  "No, you're not crazy. Do you feel the same way when you touch those places?"

  "No, because I can't get any dirtier."

  "How do you feel about yourself?"

  "I don't particularly like myself if that's what you're asking."

  "Magnus, I have some papers here on healing after rape. Do you keep a journal?"

  "I keep one."

  "Write down your feelings. Why you're feeling that way. Another thing that might help is getting a pet. Not a hybrid, but an animal. I'm going to give him a prescription for anti-anxiety pills. I want to see him next week."

  "Um, we can't have animals in the apartment. He hasn't been eating," Alec puts in.

  "I can give you a note stating it's an emotional support animal."

  "That would be perfect."

  "Can I get a cat? Cats are awesome," I say.

  "You can get a cat. It'll be your responsibility."

  As we get ready to leave, a woman walks in carrying a bundle wrapped in a blood-stained pink blanket. The bundle's mewling weakly.

  "Can I help you?" Catarina asks.

  "I got my son a neko, and he hurt the poor thing. He's really hurt. Can you find him a better home?" the woman replies, offering Catarina the bundle.

  The neko yowls in pain.

  "How old is he? Does he have a name? If I can, I will. You realize your son can go to prison for this?" Catarina says, peeling the blanket away from the neko's face.

  I've never seen a purple neko before. He's very young. He's covered in bite marks.

  "I don't remember. His name's Max. I have his papers with me. I know. His boyfriend got twenty years just a few days ago," the woman tells us.

  "Is his boyfriend Ragnor Fell?" I ask weakly.

  My blood turns to ice when she nods.

  "Ragnor owned me for eight years. He's a monster. I know Raphael Santiago. He can join Ragnor in hell," I tell her.

  "Do you wanna stay and see how Max is?" Alec asks, distracting me.

  "Please. Why's he purple?"

  "My son dyed him. I'm sorry for any harm my son did to you. Until now, I wasn't aware of what he did. Um, he was using Max to bait a pit bull," Mrs. Santiago explains.

  A half-hour later, Max is in recovery.

  "How bad is he hurt?" Alec asks.

  "He has a lot of bite wounds, so he's on some heavy-duty antibiotics. He has a broken arm, which I set and put in a cast and sling. There weren't any signs of rape. Are you thinking about adopting him?" Catarina answers.

  "We might. Can we visit him?"

  "As often as you like."

  After we leave Catarina's, Alec gets me a small, white, fluffy cat I promptly name Chairman Meow. We get everything I need to take care of him, including a harness so I can take him for walks.

  "Can I visit Max while you work?" I ask.

  "Yeah. Just let me know when you get there and when you leave, okay?" he replies.

  "I will. Thank you for getting me help."

  I scratch the Chairman's fuzzy ears gently. He's curled up in a ball on my lap.

  "You're welcome. I just want you to get better. Who was that Camille?" Alec says, kissing me gently.

  "She was a friend of theirs. She wasn't that bad at first. She used to do my nails for me because she knew he would get mad. I, um, I turned down a love confession from her, and she didn't take it lightly," I explain.

  "I'm sorry she did things to get you in trouble. Are you okay?"

  "Right now, I'm okay."

  "Good. I love you."

  I pull out the papers Catarina gave me. I really do wanna get better.

  "Do you want me to get you some lunch?" Alec asks, stirring me from my thoughts.

  "No, I can get it. This is the most okay I've been since the trial," I reply.

  "I'm glad. I know you're not instantly gonna be okay, but I'm glad you're trying."

  My being okay ends when Clary and Jace get into an argument in front of me. I lock myself in the bathroom with my cat. I'm shaking hard.

  "It's not them. It's not them. I'm not gonna be blamed. I'm not gonna be beat," I tell myself over and over, rocking back and forth on the floor.

  Memories of Raphael and Ragnor blaming me for their fights and taking their anger out on me floods my mind. It's getting hard to breathe.

  The sound of footsteps approaching the door doesn't make me any less afraid. The memories have switched to the day Jace raped me.

  "Baby, it's me. Can I come in?" Alec calls gently, rapping on the door.

  I open the door hesitantly. Alec looks so worried.

  "Are you okay?" he asks gently.

  I shake my head. I'm not okay, but I'm haven't hurt myself. I step back so he can come in.

  "Do you need to talk?" he asks.

  "They used to blame me for their fights and beat me," I mumble.

  I'm still shaking. Having Alec is starting to get my head in a slightly better place, but it's not a huge improvement.

  "Thank you for letting me in. I would be scared if I were in your place," he tells me.

  I appreciate his support more than he could ever know. I want to get better for both of us. Alec deserves having a boyfriend who's somewhat mentally stable. I deserve sleeping through the night without nightmares so terrifying I wake up screaming. We both deserve to be happy.


	33. Alec

                                                          33

  Magnus scuttles over for me to hold him once the fight gets worse. He's shaking so hard I'm not sure how he's standing. I hate seeing him so afraid.

  "You're okay. I promise. Shh," I murmur, rubbing his back slowly.

  With him clinging to me, I make my way over to the medicine cabinet. I think we might have earplugs in it, but I'm not sure.

  "These won't block it out completely, but they'll muffle the sound," I tell him.

  "That does help," he tells me after putting them in.

  "I'm glad."

  He still doesn't sleep through the night, but he sleeps longer than he has been.

  "When can we go see Max?" he asks while he's getting dressed.

  "Whenever you want," I reply.

  We leave to see Max after breakfast.

  "If I never get better, are you still gonna want me?" Magnus asks.

  "Of course I am. Magnus, I'm not gonna break your heart because you're trying to deal with what he did all over again," I reply, squeezing his hand gently.

  "You deserve a lot better."

 _Is he breaking up with me?_  I wonder.

  "You're not gonna break up with me, are you?" I ask quietly.

  "Are you nuts? I love you. I just don't understand why you still want me when you deserve someone who's not screwed-up," he replies.

  "Because I fell for you knowing you might be a little dented."

  "Dented?"

  "You're not broken. He just dented you a little bit."

  Smiling, he shakes his head. This is the most he's acted like himself since the trial.

  I love watching him with Max. I know Magnus isn't used to kids, but he's doing really well with Max. Max isn't as afraid of him as he is of me. I think it's mostly because Magnus is another neko.

  "Tomorrow, I'll bring a book and read to you. Sound good?" Magnus tells him, smiling gently.

  Max agrees easily.

  "You did really well with him," I say in the hall.

  "He doesn't ooze snot everywhere. He's also interesting," Magnus replies.

  I think helping Max might help Mags too.

  "Where's my neko?" a male voice demands from the front desk.

  All the color leaches from Magnus's face. His ears flatten and his tail fluffs. He's beginning to shake. He's making these scared mewling whimpers.

  "We can go out the back door. He's not touching you," I murmur, guiding him down the hall.

  He's shaking so badly he can barely walk. Unable to think of a better option, I pick him up. He clings to me as tightly as he did at the trial.

  I almost get in a wreck in my hurry to get him away from there. If the man's voice scared him that much, I don't want to know what seeing him would do.

  He curls up against me on the couch the minute we get home. Chairman Meow makes himself at home on Magnus's lap.

  "What happened?" Izzy asks.

  "Psycho's boyfriend was at the vet's office," I explain, stroking Magnus's hair gently.

  He still hasn't stopped shaking. He's petting his cat robotically.

  "What's wrong with him?" Jace asks, coming in from the kitchen.

  "There's nothing wrong with him, Jace. He's scared," I reply icily.

  "That noise is annoying."

  Magnus curls in closer to me when Jace approaches. His whimpers are getting louder.

  "Jace, please back off. You're scaring him," I tell him.

  "Can you make him shut up? I have a headache," Jace replies.

  "He's making that noise because he's terrified."

  Jace finally backs off. Magnus doesn't relax. He has me very scared right now.

  It takes over an hour for Magnus to calm down. I hate seeing him so scared. I know it takes long than one day for anxiety medicine to take effect, but this is bad. I want him to be okay.

  He's so worn out from his terror he sleeps all night. I'm glad for it, but I wish it wasn't because he was worn out from being terrified. I make the mistake of leaving him alone to shower while I work on some of my homework. I want to be able to trust him not to injure himself, but it's made clear I can't. The patches are no longer raw-looking; they're raw to the point he's wiping blood off himself. I'm not sure which one bothers me more: The sight of him wiping away his own blood or his broken apology when he sees me looking.

  He was doing so good yesterday until Raphael ruined it. Now, I'm not sure where his recovery is.

  "What brought this on?" I ask gently.

  "Yesterday," he mumbles.

  "Magnus, he's not worth this. He's not worth you destroying yourself. They're both liars, baby, and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're beautiful. Loving. You have a snarky, sarcastic side, but I love that part of you too. You have more innocence than you think you do. You're curious. You're not filthy. I never thought you were."

  He gives me the most broken smile I've ever seen.

  "I'm glad one of us thinks so," he murmurs.

  "I don't think so. I  _know_  so," I reply.

  "Doesn't it bother you knowing other people touched me before you did?"

  "No. It never bothered me. Knowing what they did to you when it happened bothers me. I hate that you were made to suffer the way you did, but you turned out pretty good."

  We go to see Max after I finish my homework. Max likes being read to. He seems to really like Magnus. It makes me feel good to see them getting along so well. It makes me feel even better to see Magnus actually functioning.

  "How's Magnus doing?" Catarina asks me outside Max's room.

  I fill her in on everything that happened last night and this morning.

  "Are the pills helping at all?" she asks.

  "I gave them to him of a morning, so it didn't really work," I reply.

  "Try giving them to him next time he goes into a panic attack. I'll admit I'm out of my depth with this."

  "Could I try disguising him and getting him into a shrink?"

  "You might look into it if he's not better by our next appointment."

  "I just want him to be okay."

  That's all I've ever wanted from the moment I met him.

 


	34. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a blog and a Twitter now if you guys wanna follow me. This is my blog: phoenixbooksblog.wordpress.com and you can find me on twitter @ShadowFoenix. I swear I need to copyright spelling Phoenix that way.

  It's been two weeks since I started therapy. I've been having more good days, but I'm still a screwed-up mess.

  "So why am I taking you to the vet exactly?" Jace asks, following me to the elevator.

  "Because Alec isn't gonna get home until really late. If Raphael's there, I need someone to get me home," I reply.

  "I swear, if you make that noise again, I'll use duct tape."

  "I can't help it and you know it."

  "I'd end up homeless if I tried."

  "Yeah, you would. Or missing a finger."

  "You wouldn't."

  "Try me, Blondie."

  "Did they ever say what's exactly wrong with you?"

  "I have PTSD from eight years of utter hell."

  "You were just a kid when he did that?"

  Finally, I get a little compassion from him. We aren't at each other's throats usually, but he doesn't really get that I have issues upon issues.

  "I was ten when he adopted me," I mumble.

  "Dang," is all he says.

  "He videotaped things he did to me. They played the tapes to the entire courtroom. That's why Alec had puke on his pants."

  He actually looks surprised at this.

  "Why'd he videotape it?" he asks.

  "Because he's a sadistic freak," I reply.

  Talking about it doesn't bother me as much if it's not Alec I'm telling. With other people, if they don't like hearing it, it's no big deal. If Alec doesn't like hearing it, he could choose someone else.

  "Is the therapy helping?" he asks.

  "Yeah. I'm sleeping through the night sometimes. My anxiety still isn't great, but it might be something I always have to deal with. Alec's been a lot more supportive than I expected anyone to be," I reply.

  Max is sitting up in his bed, waiting for me, when we get to the vet office. He looks really happy to see me.

  "No Alec?" he asks.

  "No, Alec's at work. He'll come see you soon, though," I reply.

  "Who's that in the hall? Is he gonna hurt me like Master did?"

  I hate hearing the fear in the kid's voice. I hate knowing Raphael made him so afraid.

  "His name's Jace. He's Alec's adopted brother. If he does, he'll get his butt handed to him by me and Alec. I promise," I reply, ruffling Max's soft curls gently.

  He purrs at my touch and leans into my hand.

  "Did you bring a book?" he asks expectantly.

  "Of course. I'm not that crazy. I brought you a couple today," I reply, holding the books out.

  He loves being read to. He can read really well, but he likes it better if Alec or I read to him. He's gotten so he'll curl up against me while I'm reading. Sometimes he'll fall asleep and start drooling, which is the most disgusting thing ever.

  He tucks himself under my arm before I even start reading today. For something so little, he's really warm. I might end up holding him just so I can warm up.

  He hides behind me when Jace comes in. He's whimpering softly.

  "He won't hurt you. You're okay. You're safe," I murmur.

  "Why's he purple?" Jace asks.

  "Because Raphael's as psychotic as his wonderful boyfriend."

  "I wanted to see what the big deal is about him."

  "You're scaring him."

  "Is he like you?"

  "He didn't have his innocence torn to shreds as far as we know if that's what you're meaning."

  Instead of doing the nice thing and leaving, Jace sits down across from me.

  "You're adopting him, right?" Jace asks.

  "Alec and I are talking about it. Technically, he still belongs to Raphael," I reply.

  Raphael has refused to surrender Max so far. He was arrested yesterday, but he's still denying he hurt Max. He's adamant that he will not give ownership of Max to anyone.

  "Are you really gonna marry my brother?" Jace asks.

  "I don't plan on breaking his heart. Why?" I reply.

  "If no one's willing to marry the two of you because you're a neko, don't you think it's a bad idea?"

  "No. I love Alexander more than anything else. More than myself. More than even glitter. Regardless of what other people's opinions are, we're getting married. Why're you trying to talk me out of it? You told me not to break his heart, Jace."

  "I don't think you're good for my brother after all."

  "Why? Name one way I've impacted his life negatively."

  "I mean you're not good enough. He deserves better and you know it."

  I feel like crying now. Jace has just confirmed my worst fear. Maybe I should break up with him? I want whatever's best for Alec, and maybe my not being in his life is what would be better.

  "First you tell me not to hurt him. Now you're telling me to break his heart because I'm not good enough. Which is it, Jace?" I say, my voice rough.

  "You're not good enough for him. Everyone knows it," Jace replies.

  I know one thing: If I break Alec's heart, my own will shatter into a million little pieces. I know Alec deserves someone who's not messed-up, but I also want to be selfish and keep him because I love him and he makes me happy and he's adorable.

  "Does Izzy think the same thing?" I ask.

  "Call her and ask," he answers, giving me a cold smile.

  My fingers shake as I bring Izzy up on my phone.

  "Hey, Mags. What's up?" she says cheerily.

  "D-do you think Alec and I are a good fit?" I ask.

  "You guys are perfect together. Alec's the happiest I've ever seen him. You act a lot happier since you guys decided to get married. What did Jace do?"

  "Am I good enough for Alec?"

  "You're more than good enough. He adores you, and I know you practically worship the ground he walks on. Did Jace tell you you're not good enough for Alec?"

  "Yeah. I'm sorry."

  "He's dead. Alec specifically told him not to upset you. Why didn't I take you today? I know you guys have been getting along. This was uncalled for. Did he tell you to break up with Alec?"

  "Y-yeah."

  "Don't cry. Jace isn't worth it. Do you want me to come get you?"

  "I wanna go to the bookstore. I wanna see Alec."

  "Okay. Are you gonna walk or do you want me to come get you?"

  "I'll walk."

  "Be safe."

  "I will. Thanks, Iz."

  I slide my phone into my pocket after pressing 'End'.

  "Well? She told you the same thing, didn't she?" Jace asks, smirking at me.

  "I'm going to the bookstore. I'll see you later, Max. Hurt him, and you won't have to worry about Alec finding out because I will hide your body," I reply, flouncing out of the room.

  Alec's very surprised to see me to say the least.

  "You don't look happy. What's wrong, baby?" he says, cupping my face tenderly.

  "When's your break?" I ask.

  "Five minutes. What did Jace do?"

  "He's Jace."

  "No matter what he did, I will still love you. Okay?"

  My heart breaks a little at his words.

  "He didn't do anything. He just told me I'm not good enough for you and that we shouldn't get married and I should break up with you. And I know it's true because I'm messed-up. And I'm not human. And you're this wonderful, perfect, adorable guy," I tell him.

  "Don't listen to Jace. Jace is an idiot, who apparently has a death wish. I told him not to do anything to upset you or trigger your anxiety or make you depressed. Magnus, I don't care how messed-up you are or that you're not fully human. I loved you when I found out you had problems as much as I did on our first date. I love you even more now," Alec replies.

  "So you told him not to breathe? I don't wanna give you up. I never wanted to. But I'll always do what's best for you, even if it means tearing my own heart to shreds."

  "It wouldn't be what's best. I'd know you were unhappy. You'd know I was unhappy. Are you gonna leave me?"

  The pain in Alec's voice is palpable. Hurting him isn't anything I've ever wanted to do. From the moment he took me on our first date, I wanted to stay with him. I wanted him to be happy.

  "I don't want to," I tell him.

  "Then stay. Please," he says.


	35. Alec

  I don't think I've ever hated Jace this much before. He had no right to upset Magnus or to possibly ruin our relationship.

  "I don't want to hold you back, Alec. You're smart. You have a great future ahead of you. And I don't want you to waste that because of me," Magnus tells me.

  "I'm not wasting anything. Magnus, you've made my life a hundred times better. If you're not happy being with me, fine. Go. But don't do it because Jace is an idiot," I reply.

  "Can we take a break? If we miss each other too much, we can go back together."

  "I love you, even though you're breaking my heart."

  "I love you too, but I don't want you to make a mistake. I'm gonna get my stuff."

  He leaves before Jonathan comes to tell me to go on break.

  "Can I skip it?" I ask.

  "Are you okay? You never skip breaks," he replies.

  "Magnus broke up with me."

  "Oh. You can take break in my office if you want."

  I nod quietly. My joints pop when I stand so Khalil can take over.

  "Why'd he dump you? I thought you were talking marriage," Jonathan says, opening the office door for me.

  "Jace told him he's not good enough for me and Mags believed him. We were," I reply, sitting in one of the leather chairs.

  "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do? I know of a hybrid brothel if you wanna get your mind off him."

  "No. I just want Magnus."

  I know I'm gonna start crying if I'm not careful. I don't really care. All I care about is my idiot brother got my heart broken.

  "If you change your mind, let me know and I'll hook you up."

  If I were like Jace or Izzy. it'd be easy for me to do. But I'm not. I want it to mean something.

  Jace is gone when I get home. Izzy's sitting on the couch, texting.

  "I heard. Are you okay?" she says, coming over to me.

  "No, I'm not. Where's Jace?" I reply.

  "Party."

  "Great. He ruins my life and then goes out and parties."

  "I've been trying to talk Magnus into coming back. I know you love him and he loves you."

  "It's only supposed to be a break. I'm going for a run."

  Running helps me clear my head a little, but it does nothing for my heart.

  He'll come home. We'll get back together. Really, I tell myself.

  Tomorrow, I bring Max home. Raphael finally surrendered him.

  "Where's Magnus?" he asks.

  "We broke up," I reply, putting him in his booster seat.

  Instead of saying anything, Max hugs me. This is the first time he's been affectionate with me. He purrs when I rub his bony back.

  "Do you wanna get some toys?" I ask.

  "I've never had toys," he replies.

  He loves the toy store. I love watching how his blue eyes widen in excitement at all the different toys. I get him quite a few toys before we leave.

  He backs into me when he sees Izzy. His ears flatten fearfully.

  "Izzy, this is Max. Max, this is my sister Izzy. She's really nice. She'll pet you and cuddle you," I say.

  Max doesn't relax.

  "Did Jace hurt you?" I ask.

  "I'm not supposeed to tell," Max murmurs nervously.

  "I won't get mad."

  Max follows me everywhere, just like Magnus did at first. It hurts enough I want to cry.

  "Um, I don't have a cage to sleep in," Max says worriedly.

  "You have a bed. Don't jump on it, okay? I don't want you hurting yourself," I reply, showing him his room.

  He'll be staying in Jace's old room.

  He plays by himself for a long time. I love watching him play.

  "Are you ready for food?" I ask, stroking his hair gently.

  He nods eagerly. I never noticed until now he's missing a front tooth. He's adorable.

  "What're we having?" he asks, hopping up.

  His stubby tail's twitching. At least his tail's supposed to be short.

  "Mac and cheese with hot dogs," I reply.

  He doesn't want to take a bath after supper. At all.

  "Did Jace bad-touch you?" I ask gently.

  Max just stares at me with wide eyes. He's trembling.

  "Okay. You really need a bath so we can get more of the dye off, but I won't make you," I tell him.

  He follows me to his room. I lay some pajamas out for him and step into the hall. He's old enough he can probably dress himself.

  "Are you done?" I ask a few minutes later, rapping on the door.

  "No. What are these things?" he replies.

  "Are you wearing pants?"

  "Yeah."

  He's standing his jeans, holding up the pajamas in confusion. His thin torso is marked with scars from the dog attack and maybe from being whipped. The purple has lightened from dark violet to lavender.

  "They're pajamas. You wear them while you sleep," I explain.

  "Oh. I never wore them before," he replies.

  "You can wear just the bottoms if you want."

  He agrees to this.

  Tonight isn't the first time I cry myself to sleep since Magnus left. I hope he's okay. I hope he's happy. A part of me hopes he misses me as much as I miss him.

  I wake to Jonathan calling me. I know business has been down since after Thanksgiving. I didn't know I was going to lose my job because of it.

  Sighing, I check on Max. He's sound asleep, which is surprising.

  I leave Izzy a note before leaving for Catarina's. She's very surprised to see me alone.

  "Where's Magnus? And Max?" she asks.

  "Magnus and I broke up. Max is still asleep. I lost my job," I reply.

  "What happened? I need a receptionist or a tech if you're interested. Max can come with you."

  "Jace happened. He's now living with his girlfriend. Magnus won't answer my texts. Or my calls. That would be perfect."

  "You can fill out the paperwork today if you want. Techs make more money, but it can be a little hard on your stomach."

  "How many techs do you have? When can I start? What would I be doing?"

  "None. You'll be speaking to the owners in the exam room. If it's a case of abuse, you'll need to get me so I can call the police. You'll be taking care of the patients after surgery or if they need to stay. I have someone who cleans the exam rooms, so you don't have to worry about that. You won't be assisting me in surgery. You'll start at $16.50 an hour, but you only work six hours. On Saturday and Sunday, I take care of the patients in the rooms."

  "I can do that. When do I come in?"

  "Two. You'll leave at eight. How's Max doing?"

  "He's doing good. He was more used to Magnus than me."

  I fill out the papers before going home to Max. Izzy's already left. Max pads out of his room when I close the door.

  "Did you sleep okay? Did Izzy feed you?" I ask.

  "Y-yeah. No, she didn't," he replies.

  "I'll make you some breakfast. What would you like?"

  "I've never had breakfast before."

  He pads after me to the kitchen.

  "Want me to make you some peanut butter and jelly toast?"

  "Okay. You're not like Master."

  "I'm glad I'm not. I had been planning on reading to you last night and forgot. I'm sorry."

  "It's okay."

  Max plays quietly while I do my homework. He's being such a little angel.

  "Alec, can I have something to drink?" he asks around noon.

  "Of course. What would you like? Are you hungry? Do you wanna go to the park after while?"

  "Milk? Uh-huh. I've never been to the park."

  He loves the park. I hate keeping him on a leash, but I can't afford another Emancipation paper right now.

  He agrees to take a bath tonight. I can tell he's very uncomfortable with me being there to wash his hair.

  "Do you know how to wash your hair?" I ask.

  "No. Can you go?" he replies.

  "After your hair's washed, I will. I promise."

  "No. Now."

  "Max, honey, your hair needs washed or it will get really greasy and yucky."

  "No!"

  He turns to glare at me with furious blue eyes. His ears are pinned flat against his skull. His tail's whipping back and forth angrily. He's growling at me. I've never seen such an angry six-year-old.

  No sign of rape. That doesn't mean they didn't do other things. Did they? He doesn't trust me enough to talk about it, I think, backing away from him.

  "Okay. I'll let you take a shower, and then I'll read to you if you want," I tell him, stepping out.

  Max comes out fifteen minutes later. He doesn't look very happy.

  "I'm sorry I growled at you," he mumbles, crawling into his bed.

  "Why did it upset you so much? I'm not mad at you," I reply.

  "Master. And J-Jace."

  "Can you tell me what they did? I won't get mad at you. I promise."

  He shakes his head slowly.

  "Okay. What would you like me to read to you?" I say.

  "Harry Potter. That's what Magnus read to me," he replies.

  He starts getting sleepy after two chapters. By the third, he can barely keep his eyes open.

  "Good night, Max. I'll see you in the morning," I murmur, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

  He sighs sleepily and rolls onto his side.

  Tonight, I don't cry myself to sleep. I'm going to get through this.

  I don't see or hear from Magnus until three months later while I'm at work. He looks horrible. He's lost a lot of weight. He's bruised. And he's holding his left arm at an odd angle. He's got his bags with him. Chairman Meow is on a harness and leash next to him.

  "Magnus? What happened to you?" I ask, rushing towards him.

  Max's little feet patter behind me on the tile floor.

  "I'm sorry," Magnus murmurs.

  "Who did this?" I ask.

  "I-I decided to try living with Camille."

  "She did this?"

  "Yeah. Do you hate me? You still wear the ring?"

  "If I hated you, I wouldn't be talking to you. I was hoping you'd come back to me. I've missed you every day since you left. I didn't date anyone."

  "Camille and I weren't dating. I lived there and we had sex sometimes and she beat me. I didn't love her. Ever."

  "I still love you."

  He offers me a sad smile.

  "I never stopped. I thought maybe if we took a break we'd find out what we really wanted," he tells me quietly.

  "I know what I want. Do you?" I reply.

  "I want you. Not because I'm clinging to the only person who treats me nice. I want you because it feels like I'm gonna die without you. I'm sorry I broke up with you."

  "Do you want to try again? I've missed you. Everywhere I looked, all I really saw was you weren't there."

  He leans in and kisses me hesitantly.

  "Does that answer your question? You're my always, and I was an idiot for not seeing it," he replies.


	36. Magnus

  A soft tug on my hand snags my attention away from Alec. I wasn't done apologizing yet. He needs to know just how stupid I am for leaving him and just how sorry I am for doing it.

  When I look down, Max is staring up at me with his innocent, wide blue eyes. They might not be related, but he reminds me of Alec right now.

  "Why'd you leave me with him?" he asks.

  "I needed to talk to Alec about something very important. Did he hurt you?" I reply, dropping to Max's level.

  My muscles twinge a little at the movement. I am never speaking to, much less looking at, Camille Belcourt again.

  "He touched me," Max replies.

  "He molested you?" I ask.

  Max's slow nod makes me sick.

  "I'm so sorry, Max. If I'd known he would do that, I wouldn't have left you," I tell him.

  "He hurt me," Max tells me.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for him to hurt you. He hurt me too."

  "Really?"

  "Right after Alec adopted me. I really am sorry, Max. Forgive me?"

  He hugs me. I've missed this warm little munchkin.

  "Max, honey, take Chairman Meow over to your blanket while I get Magnus in a room. Okay?" Alec says, laying a gentle hand on Max's back.

  Max agrees happily.

  I set my bags by Max before following Alec into an exam room.

  "How long have you been working here? What did Jace do? I didn't mean for him to hurt Max. I'm sorry. For everything," I say.

  "Since a couple days after we broke up. He forced Max to perform oral sex on him. Raphael did the same. He doesn't like having his head touched because of it. He let me at first, unless it was washing his hair, but he told me once he got more comfortable what happened. Mags, you couldn't have predicted Jace doing that. I know you are. I forgive you," he tells me,

  "Is Max getting along with you? Um, can I have a gown?"

  "We get along good. He's still not that comfortable with me, but I understand why. Yeah. What happened to you?"

  He has to help me undress. My left arm's pretty useless right now.

  "Camille isn't a good person. I knew she wasn't. She has temper tantrums, and I'm an easy outlet for her anger. I thought maybe if I was with her, I could learn to love her instead of pining after you all the time. She beat me a lot. And, um, sex might be on hold again. She didn't sell me. She's kinky, and I hurt really bad from it," I murmur.

  "Are these burns?" he asks, examining the small, round, red patches on my thighs.

  "Cigarette burns. She thought it was funny."

  "Where's your anxiety been? Have you been hurting yourself?"

  "I haven't been okay. At all. Sometimes."

  "Have you been taking your pills? Where? What have you been doing?"

  "No. She banned me. My arms. I've been biting and scratching myself."

  "Do you wanna start therapy again? I'm not mad at you. Thank you for being up front with me."

  "Let me see how I do being back home. I already feel better since I'm around you."

  "I'm glad. I'm gonna go get Catarina. Love you."

  "Love you too."

  I'm very glad to get the exam over with. I was right about sex being postponed. It's not really important to me, though. I know Alec will love me anyway. Thankfully, none of my injuries are very severe and nothing I haven’t had before. This is probably the sixth time I’ve had broken ribs in one year and the third broken arm.

  "Hey, babe. All done?" Alec says, smiling when I step out of the exam room.

  "Yeah. Is it okay if I'm here?" I reply, leaning on the desk.

  "Should be. Could we maybe go to dinner tonight? Izzy can watch Max."

  "I'd love to. I wanna catch up on your life. Does Max get a choice?"

  "I like Izzy. It's funny when she tries to cook," Max chimes in.

  "He has a point. You haven't eaten anything she cooks, have you?"

  "No, it smells bad."

  "How's your arm?" Alec asks, gesturing to the sling.

  "Had to have it set. It's in a cast," I reply.

  "No anesthetic?"

  "I told her not to knock me out. I can handle it."

  "Did you get painkillers for later?"

  "Yeah. Where do you wanna go tonight?"

  "Someplace quiet."

  "Taki's?"

  "Sounds good.”

  “I’ve missed your face.”

  I caress his face gently. He leans in and kisses me softly.

  “I’ve missed being able to do that,” I whisper.

  “I’ve missed you more than I’ve ever missed anyone before,” he replies.

  I play with Max while Alec works. It’s mostly just the three of us in the waiting room. It’s nice to be able to spend time with them.

  Sleepy, Max crawls into my lap and snuggles against my chest. He wraps his thin arms around my neck. Yawning hugely, he nestles his head against my neck. He’s purring softly.

  “Aww! Can I take a picture of this? He adores you,” Alec says, smiling.

  “Go ahead. He really is a sweetie. Glad he’s not purple anymore,” I reply, rubbing Max’s back gently.

  “I am too. He’s a good kid.”

  Max doesn’t protest when we leave him with Izzy.

  “So what have I missed?” I ask, taking Alec’s hand gently.

  “Jace got put in jail for hurting Max. He bailed out and he’s living with his girlfriend. Raphael got sentenced to fifteen years. Um, Jonathan fired me. He offered to hook me up with a hybrid brothel. I told him no,” he replies.

  “Why’d he fire you? Is it because of me? Why didn’t you?”

  “Business dropped and I had the least seniority, so it wasn’t your fault. Because I won’t do it with someone I don’t love, especially if I'm trying to get over the person I _do_ love. And, to me, it’s not much different than rape. I mean, they’re not really consenting to it. It’s their job, so they do it. I didn’t even date anyone while we were broken up. The idea felt too much like cheating. What’d I miss in your life?”

  “Are you mad at me for living with Camille? After I left, I went straight to her and asked if I could move in. I didn’t really know what else to do. I got my GED. We weren’t a couple. I was her punching bag and something she could screw whenever the mood struck her. I didn’t love her. Or like her. Or lust for her. I was desperate and afraid. Nobody really wants to hire me because I'm a hybrid.”

  “Magnus, the way you moved on after you left scared me. I thought maybe you just forgot about me because I wasn’t as important to you as I thought. Or that maybe you didn’t really love me. I'm proud of you for getting it. Did you consent to it? I keep hoping people will stop being so prejudiced.”

  “Alexander, you’re the most important thing in the world to me. You always have been, and you always will be. I should have never believed Jace. He knew you longer than I have and I thought he truly knew what would be better for you. I’ve always thought I wasn’t good enough for you to love me. Or date me. I love you with every beat of my damaged heart. No. I never wanted it. She tore me up really good. What have I missed with Max and Izzy?”

  “Jace doesn’t even know what’s best for himself, much less someone else. Mags, you’re more than good enough. I love you too. I'm sorry, baby. Are you okay? Mentally, I mean? I’ll listen. Max goes to a school for hybrids from nine to three. He loves it. He has a playdate tomorrow with an inu boy. He loves books and his Matchbox cars. Simon and Izzy are still together. Izzy’s talking about either fashion design or going to beauty school and doing makeup for movies.”

  “I think I'm okay. Is he going to the boy’s house or is the boy coming to us? I think Izzy would be good at it.”

  “The boy’s coming to our house. His name’s Kai. I’ve met his owners and seen how they treat him. They’re very good to him, and they’re nice to Max. I'm not ready for him to go to someone else’s house. What if they hurt him?”

  “What time’s he coming over? You really care about Max, don’t you? If they hurt him, they’ll be in really deep crap.”

  “Noon. He has attention issues. He’s a shiba-Chihuahua mix. His father was the Chi. His parents are mates. I love the little guy. He’s hard not to love.”

  “I'm gonna be by myself with two kids? I can handle Max. What do you even do with two of them?”

  “I'm off tomorrow and Sunday. You play with them and talk to them and feed them.”

  He holds the door open for me.

  “How did you handle me being gone?” I ask.

  “I cried myself to sleep the first few nights. You?” he replies.

  I knew I hurt Alec. I didn’t realize how badly I hurt him, though.

  “I never stopped wanting to come back to you. I cried some, mostly when she was gone. She broke my phone because you and Izzy kept texting me,” I tell him.

  “I kept wracking my brain to find some way I might’ve made you feel like you’re not good enough. We’ll get you a new phone tonight. Are you gonna follow through with your plan to go to cosmetology school?”

  “I want to, but I'm not sure.”

  “I’ll support you all the way if that’s what you want to do.”

  It’s easier for us to fall back into our easy rhythm than I expected. I had fully expected him to hate me.

  “Izzy put Max to bed for us,” Alec tells me as we leave Taki’s.

  “Is she mad at me?” I ask.

  “For breaking my heart? Probably. For us getting back together? I doubt it.”

  Izzy’s in her room when we get back to the apartment.

  “Now it’s home again,” Alec murmurs.

  “I still have the love letter,” I tell him.

  He seems surprised by this.

  “Why’d you save it?” he asks.

  “Because it meant a lot to me that you care so much,” I reply.

  He leans in and kisses me gently. I didn’t realize just how much I missed his kisses until today. Or how much I missed his scent or the way his raven-black hair feels like silk to my fingertips.

  It quickly turns into a make-out session on the couch. His hands clutch tightly at my back. When we need to catch our breath, I turn my attention to marking the porcelain skin of his throat.

  “Do you want to stop?” I ask suddenly, pulling back to look at him.

  “If you do. I'm perfectly fine with this if you are,” he replies, smiling up at me.

  “I don’t wanna stop, but I don’t want sex either.”

  “Then we won’t have it.”

  I'm not sure how long we stay here. I don’t want to move. If I get up, this might all be a dream.

  When we finally go to bed, I'm the one spooning him for once. It bothers me that I’ve nearly forgotten how perfectly he fits against my chest.

  “We’re like two puzzle pieces,” I whisper, nuzzling his hair.

  Sighing sleepily, he snuggles back against me. He cannot get any cuter.

  For the first time in three long months, my life is perfect. Max is safe and happy. Alec and I are together again. Jace moved out. Things really can’t get much better.


	37. Alec

  I wake to the smell of French toast frying. I've missed Magnus's French toast nearly as much as Magnus himself.

  Max is already up when I go in the living room. He's building a race track for his cars.

  Magnus seems surprised when I come in the kitchen.

  "I didn't know you were up yet. Strawberry or cherry?" he says, smiling.

  "Either. I've missed you, baby," I reply, kissing him gently.

  "Missed you more."

  "Max, honey, breakfast's done."

  "Oh, I ate a whole box of Frosted Mini Wheat," Max replies, grinning at me.

  I stare at Magnus in horror.

  "Why did you--That much sugar--He could get sick!" I tell him.

  "He seems fine. He also had three glasses of chocolate milk," Magnus replies.

  "I've never seen him look like that," Max pipes.

  I rest my head against the counter.

  "You're gonna be the death of me or Max," I groan.

  "He was really happy when I gave it to him. Like I said, I don't know anything about kids," Magnus tells me.

  "I know you don't. I'm not mad at you. Okay? If you'd known and done it anyway, I would be mad at you."

  I don't like Magnus thinking he's in trouble.

  Magnus and Max curl up in a chair with a book. They look so cute together. I can't help being a little jealous that Max connects so well with Mags.

  At noon, Kai's owners drop him off. He's really excited to see Max.

  "Okay, he's had his medicine, so he should be pretty calm. You have my number so you can call me if something comes up," the woman tells me, unhooking Kai's leash.

  Wagging happily, he dashes over to Max.

  "I brought some of his toys. There's some pudding in there too, but he only gets it if he's been a good boy," she says, handing me a diaper bag.

  "We'll take good care of him. I promise," I tell her, smiling.

   It's exhausting having two kids to look after, but it's worth it to see them both so happy.

  "It's nice knowing not all hybrids have horrid childhoods," Magnus murmurs, watching as Max snuggles against Kai under the blanket they're sharing.

  "I know. I thought everyone treated hybrid kids like you and Max were treated," I reply.

  I smile when Magnus rests his head on my shoulder. I've missed holding him. I rub his back gently as he presses himself closer.

  "I love you more than anything else," I whisper.

  "I love you more. I wish I'd never left," he replies, moving his hand to my thigh.

  "Me too. I've missed this."

  "Is Izzy avoiding me?"

  "I think she might be. She hasn't said much to me about us."

  "What made Jace flip on me again? I thought he and I were getting along?"

  "I honestly don't know. He had no right to do that to us."

  Both kids wake up when the doorbell rings. It's Kai's owners.

  "Was he good?" the woman asks, ruffling Kai's honey blond hair.

  "He was a little angel. They wore themselves out and were sleeping when you got here," I reply.

  "I'm glad. Could we do this again? Maybe Max could come to our house."

  "Can we, Alec?" Max asks.

  "You need to ask Magnus too. It's up to him also, not just me. Okay?"

  With that, he crawls into Magnus's lap and gives him the best puppy eyes I've ever seen.

  "Can I go over to Kai's? Pretty please?" he asks, sticking his lower lip out at the end.

  "If Alec agrees, I've got no problem with it," Magnus tells him.

  "How about Max spends the weekend next week? You guys deserve some alone time," Kai's owner suggests.

  "That sounds great," I reply, seeing Magnus's enthusiatic nod.

  "So that handsome neko is your boyfriend?"

  "Fiance. I adopted him last August and then we got engaged around Christmas. Trying to find a neko-friendly place to have our wedding that's also gay-friendly is close to impossible."

  Magnus, carrying Max on one hip, sashays over to us. There's really no other way to describe the way Mags moves when he's not scared. It's like half cat and half runway model. It's 100% hot, though.

  "There's a place in LA that does neko weddings I think," the woman suggests.

  "I don't know if we can afford it," I reply.

  "Good luck."

  I find a justice of the peace in Jersey four hours later. I write down the number so I can call them Monday. We might not get to have a fancy wedding cake or a huge honeymoon, but we can at least afford marriage.

  "We're getting married. For real," I say in disbelief.

  "You have the biggest grin right now. I get to keep you," Magnus replies, kissing me hungrily.

  "We get to keep each other."

  The thought I just might get to keep this beautiful, gorgeous person both awes me and terrifies me. I'm in awe because he's just so perfect and he's decided he loves me. I'm terrified because something could very easily happen. I don't want to lose him. Not again. When I'm with him, life feels a lot bigger. Without him, it's like all the color has been bleached from everything.


	38. Magnus

  Thursday, I follow Alec out to his car for our roadtrip to the justice of peace. We'll be coming back after the wedding to a hotel suite. I can't believe this is actually happening.

  "Izzy's meeting us there, right?" I ask nervously.

  "She's supposed to. Max is gonna stay at Kai's until Monday. Izzy'll pick him up," Alec replies.

  "I've got the rings in my pocket."

  The drive doesn't take us very long, which is nice.

  "Ready?" Alec asks outside the court house.

  "I've been ready for a while," I reply.

  Catarina's already here.

  "You look perfect together," she tells us, smiling warmly.

  "Thank you. I've been waiting for this since he proposed," Alec replies, taking my good hand gently.

  Izzy shows up five minutes later.

  "Don't you dare break his heart again," Izzy whispers in my ear.

  "I don't plan on it," I reply.

  The justice of the peace smiles warmly when she sees us. She asks if we have vows for each other.

  "I have something," I murmur, pulling the paper from my pocket.

  Alec seems surprised by this.

  "When I first met you, I didn't expect you to be the wonderful person you are. I didn't expect you to adopt me, date me, set me free, or accept my proposal, but you did. I'm glad you did. You're my gravity. You're my sun, and I'm your moon. I'm a reflection of the amazing type of person you are. I'll be your always if you'll be my forever. I love you, Alexander," I tell him, my voice cracking.

  "I have something for you too," Alec murmurs.

  I watch as he unfolds a scrap of paper.

  "You've always been the best thing to ever happen to me. I never thought you'd tell me you love me. I would've been happy with just an 'I really like you.' You're a dream come true. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Mags," he says, his eyes glistening as he looks up from the paper.

  My hand trembles as we exchange rings. We got a _Harry Potter_ wedding set with the Deathly Hallows symbol. One ring says 'After all this time?' and the other says 'Always.'

  I kiss Alec hungrily to seal our marriage. His hands clutch tightly at the small of my back; my good hand cups the back of his neck tenderly. My broken arm twinges as it's pushed against my body, but I don't care right now. I get to keep Alec for good.

  "Now what?" I ask, following Alec outside the court house.

  "You guys are getting a reception. I already booked the place," Izzy informs us.

  She's booked the party room at a sushi bar. One table is full of gifts.

  "You guys deserve it," a woman says behind us.

  Alec and I turn to see his mother standing in the doorway.

  "I saw in the paper. I guessed this was the place," she explains.

  "Why'd you come?" Alec asks, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist.

  "Because, even if I disagree with you, you're still my son."

  "You tried to kill Magnus when you knew how much it would hurt me."

  "I know. And what I did was wrong. I admit that. I wanna be a part of your life again."

  "Why'd you abandon us like that? Do you know how many nights I wanted my mother? Wanted her advice? Wanted her to come down on Jace for his stupidity?"

  "Because you and Izzy look like your father. At the time, I still hated Robert, and I couldn't stand to look at either one of you. I'm sorry for hurting you. You'll always be my baby boy."

  "Do you still hate us? Do you still hate Magnus?"

  "No, I don't. I can get used to you being with another man."

  I like how she's accepting the fact I'm basically human.

  "Can we start over?" she asks me, offering to shake my hand.

  "I'm doing this for Alec, not you," I reply coldly, accepting.

  "Magnus and I have a son. His name's Max. Do you wanna see his picture?" Alec says.

  "I have a grandson?" his mother asks, smiling.

  "He's a neko. He absolutely adores Mags. He likes me, but he's more comfortable with Magnus."

  "He's adorable. I'm happy for both of you."

  "That means a lot."

  "What happened between you and Jace? I asked him if he was coming to your wedding when I found out about it. He told me you're no longer speaking to each other."

  "Jace caused Magnus to break up with me. He's been cruel to Magnus on several occasions, and nothing I've done has changed him. He also molested Max. He bailed out of jail."

  "I'm sorry. I can try talking some sense into him."

  "Don't bother. You'd have better luck convincing the wall to move."

  "Jace always was stubborn. I saw about the trial."

  "Dad was his lawyer. He attacked Magnus for defending me."

  His mother's eyebrows arch in surprise.

  "What made you defend him?" she asks me.

  "I thought he was gonna punch Alec," I reply.

  "Thank you for protecting him."

  It's nice to sit and talk with her. I don't trust her at all, but I do sorta like her.

  I'm very glad when we leave the restaurant. I love our family and friends, but I really just want some alone time with Alec.

  "Who's carrying who over the threshold?" I ask in the car.

  "You have a broken arm. I'm carrying you," he replies.

  He carries our suitcases into the hotel suite before stepping back into the hall for me. I kiss him hungrily when he picks me up.

  "You like carting me around like this, don't you?" I ask teasingly.

  He's smiling as he sets me on my feet.

  "I have a surprise for you," I tell him, kissing him lightly.

  "When do I get it?" he asks.

  "When you catch me."

  With that, I take off running. He chases me to the bedroom. He wraps his arms around me tightly. We're both panting and laughing.

  "Gotcha! Do I get my surprise now?" he says.

  "Maybe. I'll give you a preview," I reply, easing my skinny jeans down just enough for him to see my see-through lace underwear before yanking them back up.

  "You're such a tease!"

  I turn around and press my lips to his.

  "Running was a really bad idea," I murmur.

  "Ribs?" he guesses.

  "Yeah. Take it easy on me?"

  "Of course."

  Tonight, he runs a bubble bath for us in the massive bathtub. We might've had sex before, but this feels different. This is our first time as a married couple.

  His lips brush mine heatedly as he unbuttons my jacket and slides it from my shoulders. His nimble fingers quickly work the buttons of my shirt loose. He leaves it alone for now. He breaks our kiss as his fingers reach my skinny jeans.

  "I never thought I'd be letting you do this," I whisper, brushing my lips against the side of his neck.

  "I never thought you'd be letting me," he replies, reaching his hand inside my jeans.

  Tonight is incredible, even more so than the first time we did it. Being inside Alec is amazing! I never thought I'd be topping him, but I love doing it. I quickly lose count of how many times we do it. All I care about are Alec's soft, breathless moans, the way he pants my name as he comes in my hand or in my mouth, and the warmth of Alec's body against mine, his skin slick with sweat, as we make love.

  Alec's still sleeping when I wake. He's the most beautiful creature on the planet, even with all the hickeys on his throat. His blue eyes flicker open when I start to get up.

  "Good morning, beautiful," I murmur, caressing his face.

  "Last night was amazing," he tells me, wincing as he sits up.

  "You okay? Did I hurt you?"

  "I'm okay. I'm just stiff and achy. Mags, you were wonderful."

  He stretches like a cat before standing. As he turns to open the suitcase, I notice the red scratches standing out against his pale skin.

  "Sorry about scratching you," I murmur, stepping close to him.

  "I'm not upset about it. If I hadn't wanted it, I would've stopped you last night. Okay? I'm pretty sure I scratched you too," he replies, tickling my cat ears playfully.

  "Okay. Can we just stay here today?"

  "If you want to. Champagne and pancakes for breakfast?"

  "Anything you want, darling. I love you."

  Our honeymoon is easily one of the best times of my life. I never want to leave this little bubble of happiness I have with him. I can't believe how much my life changed in seven months. I might've had nearly every shred of my innocence ripped away, but, in Alec's arms, I found a love I didn't know existed for someone like me.


End file.
